Chakams' Corner

OJ Simpson: Karma's A B_itch

2008-10-05T13:45:00.002+01:00

Who can forget that memorable low-speed chase of OJ Simpson’s white Ford Bronco by LAPD officers in the summer of 1994?His ex-wife, Nicole and her close friend Ronald Goldman had just been found murdered in her apartment and OJ was the prime suspect. I easily recollect the lengthy televised trial that had millions around the world following the daily goings-on in the high profile case. The late, well-respected Johnny Cochran was the head of Mr. Simpson’s defense team at the time and was largely responsible for getting the celebrity off the hook. The main swaying piece of evidence that helped the jurors reach their ‘not guilty verdict’ was the dramatic moment when the defendant, OJ tried on the black gloves that was central to the prosecution’s case. And the outcome: the gloves didn’t fit.

So on verdict day that October of 1997, the 12 members of the jury found Mr. Simpson not guilty of both murders, basically because there was reasonable doubt.Many across America and in many parts of the globe felt the U.S justice system had helped save a murderer. Some were of the opinion that yet another rich celebrity had being let off the hook because he could afford the best lawyers who capitalized on legalese to aid their popular african-american client.However,I had told a friend after the verdict that OJ had to watch his every step afterwards as most law enforcement officials would want payback in some way, based on the general view that he carried out the horrific stabbings of both victims.

So when I heard the news, in September last year, of Simpson’s arrest in Vegas for alleged kidnapping and robbery in a Palace Station hotel room, I told people he was screwed. Even though he repeated claimed that he was only trying to retrieve sports memorabilia that belonged to him, I had a gut feeling that it was possibly karma in motion. I agree with a good friend who feels that he was to blame for making such a silly move that day, especially when constantly aware of the controversy his acquittal caused across his home country. I was further convinced of the severity of his legal problems when I read that none of the 12 jurors was black.Yes,the absence of a fellow ’brother’ or ‘sister’ meant, for me, that chances of a potentially hung jury were quite unlikely.So after a far less popular 4-week trial than the Nicole/Ron Goldman case 13 years earlier, the Las Vegas Jury (made of 9 ladies & 3 men) found the controversial ex-football star guilty of all 12 counts of kidnapping and robbing two sports memorabilia dealers at gunpoint on that fateful September day. For some, this was justice finally catching up with a criminal who was only fortunate the last time.On the other hand,it's expected Simpson's team would start making moves for an appeal of the verdict.

For me,at least 3 people know for certain what happened that June night at Nicole Simpson's Los Angeles condo in '94. Sadly, 2 of them are long deceased while the possible third witness could be ordered to spend the rest of his life behind bars,come sentencing day on December 5th.

Our Political Office Holders:Synonym For Mediocrity

2008-10-02T20:44:00.003+01:00

I’ll admit it straight away,dear friends. With Nigeria, I’m a cynic most of the time.Why? Well,I guess most of us know the answer to this. It’s simply because so many times I’ve seen the same thing happen over and over again, as far as the type of leaders we churn off the production line, and our government in general, is concerned. Be it those dressed in uniform or trad, there doesn’t seem to be any sincerity and/or ability of majority of our political leaders to right the ills of our beloved nation.’ Man Know man’, mediocrity, corruption and disregard for the masses consistently seem to be the order of the day as far as our politicians are concerned. And deep down, I’m sure many of you agree.However, the particular reason why i, as at this moment, remain deeply cynical was already mentioned a few lines earlier: MEDIOCRITY….of our leaders. And that, my fellow Nigerians, is a fundamental hindrance to significant progress being made in the so-called ‘Giant of Africa’. Have you had a conversation with, say a Director of a FG parastatal, a special adviser or an average House of Reps member? I understand if you haven’t, but I’m sure you’ve seen them speak on TV or read their interviews/comments in magazines or the national dailies. I don’t know about you, but I normally nod my head in equal measure of disbelief and sadness. These are people empowered to carry out very important & sensitive duties in their various areas of public office & they don’t seem to know ‘what’s up’. That’s my honest assessment of most of them. The more painful thing is that they seem stuck in their attitude/perspective & yet, feel strongly they are competent enough to perform.
Just to help buttress my standpoint, I’ll share with you what I saw (with my own 4 eyes) on NTA yesterday during one of my regular channel-flipping moments. It was a recorded session of goings-on in the National Assembly. While an ex-military colonel who’s presently a Senator was discussing a bill meant for consideration by his peers in the Senate, I noticed the place seemed a bit disorganised. Courtesy of the camera angle, I noticed some senators in the background gisting and laughing amongst themselves. I was surprised because I logically assumed that they would have been a bit interested in what the honorable senator was saying about the bill. As these jokers behind him kept on gisting, one brought out his cellphone and was apparently checking or sending a text. I also observed that the noise in the background was distracting me from audibly hearing what the Senator who had the floor was trying to say.Thankfully,the Senate President(I presume) had to smash his gavel on his table, while at the same time shouting ‘ORDER..ORDER’ at his colleagues. This action helped to bring some sanity. Now,can you imagine such behavior??. In the nation’s ‘revered’ Senate. An assembly of ‘honorable’ grown-ups, not kindergarten.We all know that most of these members of the exalted Assembly were fortunate to being ‘elected’ because they had either had money or political godfathers...or most likely, both.How many of them can impressively discuss the economy, social welfare issues, global events or even political history in Nigeria? Without any statistical study, I’m sure the answer is close to zero (give or take the few learned ones).While I admit that some of our public office holders have tried by bringing in bright young people into their administration to help move us forward, the problem still remains as majority of these leaders are either archaic in their reasoning, incompetent or below par in the ‘smartness’ arena.
On a related note, I remember hearing, some months ago, someone say to his gathering of friends that he voted for Pat Utomi at the 2007 Presidential Elections. The laughter this assertion brought from his friends was in proportions regularly attained at a Julius Agwu event. No kidding, guys. As if, Mr. Utomi wouldn’t beat most Nigerian politicians hands-down in the ‘brains, knowledge & manifesto’ departments. Or isn’t brightness an ‘unofficial’ prerequisite for political office seekers? Or was it because he could never have won in this corruption-filled country we call home, where one being in the right ‘setting’ is absolutely compulsory for success? Wonders would never cease, indeed.Sometimes I wish the private sector were responsible for guiding this nation’s development. At least there are ‘modern’ thinking, intelligent and hard working men & women there.
On a serious note though, I honestly feel things can’t continue this way for ever and inevitably things are bound to get better across board. My worry is this: with the leaders we keep having, we may never get to experience it in our lifetime.

7 years after 9/11

2008-09-11T10:13:00.003+01:00

Time does fly indeed. Can you believe it’s been 7 years since the world stood still? The day most of us across the globe were solidly behind America in their most trying time since Vietnam. That Tuesday morning in September, terrorism took a new dimension and a powerful group called Al-Qaeda was firmly in its driving seat. The impact was costly. Over 3,000 american souls were gone, courtesy of daredevil terrorists who brought an innovative plan to disastrous fruition.They didn’t need bombs,rocket launchers,AK-47s or sophisticated arsenal. In fact their weapons were already provided for them, in the form of american commercial jets.I remember first hearing the tragic news at a friend’s small cybercafé. He was browsing randomly when he stumbled across the ‘breaking news’ on cnn.com.Initial reports stated that a plane had ‘accidentally’ hit the World Trade Centre in New York. It wasn’t till the 2nd airline crashed into the same building that the world suddenly realised it had all being cleverly orchestrated.

As I had a brother living in the Big Apple, my family had tried unsuccessfully,and desperately,to reach him. We kept on dialing the States but we just couldn’t get through. Our main worry was due to the fact that he worked in downtown New York and the jets had struck just past 9 a.m that weekday morning,a time when most workers would have been at work. We panicked, and at the same time, watched the horror on CNN.I doubt i would ever forget the shocking images of people jumping from 40 stories up,in a desperate attempt to preserve their existence.The screaming,the tears,the smoke,the mayhem,the brave firemen,a heroic mayor called Rudy Giuliani(who i now strongly dislike,by the way) etc.

Fortunately,we finally got through to my sibling several terrifying hours later and were ecstatic to hear he and his family were all fine, safe & sound.That Tuesday, the Osama Bin Laden-led Al Qaeda had brought the world’s sole superpower to its knees. And the U.S was humbled. It’s accurate to say that since that infamous day, the world (and the States) has never been the same.Actually,it may never be. President Bush had to show executive toughness and send a message to terrorist cells across the planet, especially to Al-Qaeda,easily the most powerful of them all. The organization being controlled & inspired by a long bearded, rich Saudi Arabian & ex- U.S ally from remote caves in Afghanistan.

George W. Bush ordered an invasion of the asian country using state-of –the-art military equipment to pound the Taliban-controlled region. Sadly for Bush, it’s been 7 years since the tragedy and America’s full scale reprisal,but the most wanted man on Earth is still alive and free. One doesn’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out what the main reason behind the delay in catching the US’s no.1 enemy has been. That reason was Iraq, a country led at the time by Saddam Hussein, a sworn enemy of George Bush Snr.Maybe it was the oil, or maybe President Bush Jnr needed to help Daddy finish the Iraqi dictator once and for all. Irrespective of the motive, it distracted America from their main target and so, Bin Laden & his lieutenants continued/continue to co-ordinate activities from his hide-out in the dangerous regions of Afghanistan.Today,Al Qaeda is still a force with several cells and splinter groups wrecking havoc in various locations across the globe(however, excluding the US).

As Presidential candidates Obama & McCain stand together, with partisanship put aside, at Ground Zero(the place where the Twin Towers once stood)today, two things are clear. First of all, one of them would be the next Commander-In-Chief come January.Secondly, that person has to do his best to complete the job their Texan predecessor sadly couldn’t finish.

Enough Of This Mental Slavery

2008-09-07T17:56:00.003+01:00

As I write this, I remember a song by Jamaica’s biggest musical export, the legendary Bob Marley. One of the reggae prodigy’s best known tracks was the deeply inspiring composition ‘Redemption Song’.A line from this classic went thus: ‘’Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds.’’ So, how’s this relevant?, you may wonder.Well,I’ll tell you how.
I’m sure most of you would easily agree that the current US presidential race has kept millions across the globe glued with passionate interest. We have seen history unfold in our eyes, as an African-American and a strong woman fiercely battled it out for the nomination of a major American party. On the republican side, we have witnessed the first ever female VP nominee ever to emerge.
Now, I must admit that I was one of many who was initially apprehensive about Senator Obama’s chances in getting this far. And it had a lot to do with his colour.However, my naïve & somewhat primitive views changed after his remarkable victory in the first democratic primary in Iowa back in January.Guys,the state of Iowa’s population is over 95% white. In that race, he won clearly and left the previously ‘favoured’ candidate, a stunned Senator Hillary Clinton, in 3rd place. Well, his unexpected success there got me interested in the 47-yr old man from Illinois. I started reading more about him, his career, his beliefs, his remarkable background etc.And so I became hooked. As time passed, the skilled charismatic orator continued to rack up more victories as the primaries continued, to the disbelief of many still entrenched in cynical times of the past (His 10 consecutive victories during the electoral calendar were a significant highlight of his applaud-worthy progress earlier in the year).So, despite Senator Osama’s history making nomination as the Democratic Party’s presidential candidate, many cynics still believe the chap can’t win. On what basis? Because he’s black and blacks have never ruled? Isn’t there a first time for everything? After all, wasn’t Obama the 1st African-american to be nominated for President by a major political party? By the way, he needed and received the votes & support from millions white people to get there.It’s true that there are those americans who would never(ever) vote for him primarily because of his colour.But there aren’t many of such people still affiliated to those racist(& pathetic) philosophies of their forefathers. And if one delves deeper, you’ll see that they tend to be members of the other political party(an association with a 93% white membership, by the way).Like I have told a few friends, Barack Obama getting the nomination was evidence of the changing times & mindset of America. Black people alone didn’t give him the ticket. As I mentioned, it was courtesy of millions of white folks. So why are some of the cynics in our midst still basing their argument on the Caucasian Americans who have clearly acted otherwise, by voting for Barack in dozens of American states this year?
Now, only God knows who would be elected to this most exalted of public offices later in the year. And it may not be Barack Obama.However, that may be due to american voters’ views & priorities vis a vis the way they perceive the candidates on various issues such as their take on the economy, health care,trust,foreign policy and so on. It could even be based on the votes of the ‘currently undecided’/independents out there. For me,& based on the occurrences I’ve observed in the exciting US political race this year, Mr Obama stands as much of a chance at victory as Senator John McCain, come November 4th.And to those who say colour would still be his downfall, I recommend you listen to Mr Marley’s Redemption Song once more.
Remember,you are as limited as your dream.

Tales From Walter Carrington Crescent

2008-08-10T15:59:00.006+01:00

Have you paid a visa-seeking visit to the American Consulate in Victoria Island,Lagos lately? Well, I have and it was an interesting experience. From the time I arrived the nearby Napex parking area about 6.30 that weekday morning, there was one thing or the other catching my attention almost every couple of minutes. Since I strangely forgot to come along with the pre-requisite passport photographs for my application form, I was referred, by some hustling young men, to a busy place by the lagoon where chaps with digital cameras were busy turning the place to makeshift studios by quickly snapping those in similar circumstances as me. It was funny seeing how one person held a white cloth behind the applicant (since pictures with a white background were compulsory requirements from the Embassy) while the photographer did the needful.After obtaining my overpriced passport-sized picture,i then stood in line till it was time to enter the US territory.While there,we were entertained by a newspaper vendor who joked that buying a paper was a key requirement for entering the building. He also mentioned that no sharing of newspapers was permitted at the Consulate(his comical ploy to get every interested person to buy his/her own copy).This guy with a great sense of humor pleaded that applicants should kindly not go in with any charms,as a simple prayer was a better option in their pursuit of the coveted seal. The other funny observation was the variety of services being rendered by the large number of hustlers outside the consulate building. There were even those who offered to hold your mobile phone for you (for a fee, of course) while one was inside conducting his/her affairs within, since the embassy strictly forbade all applicants from going in with them. This service comes in handy in cases where the impending traveler didn’t come along with a car and had no other choice. That said, and apart from the few people who tried to be typical ‘Nigerians’ by attempting to jump the queue, there wasn’t any other significant incident noticed while waiting.Oh,i actually forgot something else.A s we queued,i enviously watched most of the foreign staff get to work via speedboat/ferry.A smart way of beating the legendary island traffic.
While inside & seated, I noticed the young guy beside me was taking no chances in his quest and had even included pictures from his wedding day (an extra effort to show the Americans that he had important ties in Nigeria).Then there was this Ibo man with his wife and 2 kids who had told a security guard, with whom he had a little confrontation, that he wasn’t desperate to go to ‘God’s own Country’ and, as such, should be treated with respect.Therefore,I was understandly quite surprised to see his eyes water when the interviewer told him later that she couldn’t grant him the visa as she was unconvinced he and the family would return after their intended ‘visit’.
I did feel sorry for one of two tense siblings who were hoping for student visas. They each saw a different interviewer.Outcome: the girl was given, while the brother was denied. He stood motionless for close to a minute after the lady had informed him of her decision. I wondered what the mood in their home would be later in the day.Bittersweet, to say the least. I also easily recollect a fair-skinned young lady who was denied barely 30seconds into her interview.
As for me, my interaction with my blonde-haired male interviewer was brief as well. And luckily, it ended with a positive result: 2 years, multiple.
By the time I was driving away from Walter Carrington Crescent, it was just past noon. I was hungry and a bit tired.Nevertheless,like i earlier mentioned,I enjoyed the experience.
Obama Country,see you in the near future.

D'Banj,An Eatery & A Raised Voice

2008-07-27T20:37:00.004+01:00

As some of you may know,the artiste D’Banj struck a deal with UAC to exclusively release his music some months ago. The 'Mo Hits Compilation' CD was the first album to be released under the arrangement between both parties, as the disc was solely available at Mr. Biggs outlets in a bid to curb piracy of his hard work. As a big fan of the Kokomaster’s, I was eagerly anticipating the release of his much-hyped new release, ‘The Entertainer’. Since the official 2-part launch of this effort was just held this past weekend, I felt there was the likely possibility that copies would be available to buy at various locations of the popular eatery.So,on my home, I decided to quickly check at the Mr Biggs outlet near my home. Since I wasn’t certain that the CD would be available,i decided to save my time by asking the security guard at the entrance(while still in my car) to kindly help me find out if the album was being sold in-store. The nice chap returned about 30 seconds with the ‘good’ news of the item’s availability. So, innocently trying to take advantage of his helpful demeanour,I then asked if he could quickly help me purchase a copy. When he expectedly obliged, I handed him some money. He quickly returned with a CD and my change. As I was about to thank him and tell him to keep the remaining money for his pleasant attitude, I noticed that he had bought the 6-month old Mo Hits compilation album(which i already owned instead.
Understandly,I told him that wasn’t what I wanted and that he should help return it and bring back my dough.Surprisingly, he didn’t come back as quickly as the first time. About 4 minutes had passed and I was about to exit my car to find out why, when he suddenly returned with the same CD and change. He mentioned that the staff had refused to take back the CD because it had already being registered into the machine as a sale. When he saw my instant visual expression, he suggested that I come in to see the shop supervisor myself.I entered to see a petit lady who I quickly figured was the person in charge. When I expressed my displeasure, she told me the exact thing the security guard had relayed to me. According to her,it had already been registered and therefore, was ‘impossible’ to accept it back.’ See me see trouble o’,I said to myself.
For those who know me,I didn’t disappoint. I started to rake. What did she mean?Was it my fault that their security guard gave me wrong information? It wasn't as if i returned a day later with the item or something.I told her that registering the sale didn’t stop her from adjusting/reversing the transaction.Afterall,the item would be back in their custody and would therefore not affect any accounting records. As accountants would say, it(the CD)was still ‘stock-in-hand’ at the end of the day. This ‘Madam Tiny Manager’ still wasn’t budging. Well, neither was I.I then asked her what happened in cases where a cashier mistakenly overbilled a customer at the till. Would the client be told ‘Sorry, but the items have already being registered. So it’s your loss,sir’’?It was when she subtly insinuated that it was my fault for not coming in myself to make sure it was the actual copy i was buying that I erupted. By now, most people across the floor had noticed our back-and-forth display. A shameful situation in which the ‘king of a customer’ was being treated in a typically naija way by a company’s person of assigned authority.
I guess it was when I told her that I was ready to take this matter to the highest level at UAC if necessary that this 'lady in desperate need of customer care schooling' decided to have a change of heart (it could also have been because she noticed my vocal range was reaching an Opera tenor’s level).She asked me to hand over the CD and, seconds later, sent one of the till girls to hand me back my money. I must confess I was pleased that my tough stance had yielded fruit.However,I felt disappointed in what this episode showed about our customer service culture in this country. Or rather, lake thereof. So many times I have observed customers being treated by company staff as if they (the customers) were beggars or being given the product/service free of charge. Like I tell some friends, the main reason why this sad situation continues to thrive is because many accept it.On several occasions, I’ve seen staff of supermarkets, fast food joints etc practically raise their voices at customers. Yes, the ‘victims’ may have been annoying, illiterate or slow but since when did that give anyone the right to talk down on them or treat with disrespect?They are paying for the goods/service,arent they?People fail to remember that without clients’ patronage, there would be no revenue and logically, no salary or jobs available to this rude set of employees. While the complete eradication of this ‘customer care’ problem in our homeland may be a long time coming, the short term fix lies in our hands i.e. customers. The solution: Never accept crap from any of these people especially when you know you haven’t been treated properly or courteously. And please don’t relent. NEVER.
Afterall, you all saw how it paid off in my battle with the Mr. Biggs lady.

Time To Whistleblow

2008-07-03T17:27:00.005+01:00

Let me start by acknowledging that I, quite realistically, expect a large number of guys to be mute after reading this piece. Some may be defensive, while others could act as if they don’t fall into the category of men i’m about to comment on. Without trying to beat about the bush, I’ll jump straight to the crux of the matter. Yours truly is referring to the shockingly high volume of men (whether black, white, gay, straight etc) who, as a normal habit, fail to rinse their hands after taking a leak. While I subconsciously always knew that many dudes failed to do the needful after easing themselves, it wasn’t till a female friend of mine joked about it months ago that I took notice of the magnitude of the situation. She told me that she stopped shaking guys’ hands a long while ago (especially in bars/clubs).This friend added that she preferred to hug a guy she barely knew than shake hands with him. When I, understandly, asked her to shed more light on this, she expressed it was because of the unhygienic practices of chaps in the Gents. As such, hugging was a better option for her. Even though we both laughed about her non-handshaking policy with the opposite sex,I thought about it a bit further after she left.
So,I decided to take a detailed note myself by randomly observing the habits of my fellow gentleman from thereon. Since then, I’ve observed the ways of chaps in places as diverse as my office bathroom, bars, hotels, training venues etc.Both home and abroad. Sadly, the feedback hasn’t been good. Even in public bathrooms where expensive handwash was flowing like it was going out of fashion, dudes haven’t been tempted.Inclusive of the rich,poor,educated,illiterate and enlightened.Even in places where there has been enough tap water flowing to drown 100 Goliaths, my guys would not budge. They simple go in, unzip, do the needful,shake the stuff,re-zip and walk right out the door in a routine so orchestrated, they would be world champions if the process was an Olympic event. Even in cases where they noticed me taking time out to wash mine,many just walked right past. Like I was an efico or something that had too much time on his hands. I must admit that some guys have a rethink and are ‘inspired’ to do the hygienic thing when they see my humble self doing as is proper.
Now,I obviously don’t know what happens in the female bathrooms but I hope(no, pray) to God that it’s nowhere near what occurs in ours. What actually baffles me is that it only takes about 20 seconds to take some liquid, rub hands together and then rinse (add another 10-15 seconds in places with functional hand dryers).My fellow & dear Gentlemen, this is not a case of ratting out because as I mentioned earlier, my female friend & many other women in our midst already know the ‘koko’ of what happens in our toilets. Or rather in this context,what sadly 'doesn’t happen’.
The ways things are going, I might have to adopt a ‘hugging only’ stance as well.

The L Word

2008-07-01T16:45:00.002+01:00

I probably hadn’t seen a black man sweat so profusely since Kunta Kinte in ‘Roots’. Although this chap wasn’t in such a dire situation as the aforementioned character, he was evidently tense. I noticed as I was driving to work along the slow-moving morning traffic on 3rd Mainland Bridge that I happened to be behind this male learner in a small Japanese car. Even though I had observed that the guy was driving a bit too indecisively for a typical lagos motorist, it wasn’t until his car’s engine went off that I decided to swerve out of this sluggish lane. As I drove past the gentleman, I noticed that he had someone with him in the front passenger seat who was voicing out instructions and encouragement in apparently equal measure.
Looking through my rearview mirror shortly after, I observed that other drivers behind this ‘troubled’ line had started changing lanes also when it became clear to them that the occupant in the Nissan was in anywhere but a hurry.
I then started to think of my own days as a learner, and putting into perspective the fact that everyone on the bridge was probably in a similar state at the start of their driving career. I recollected dreading to ever have the ‘L’ sign at the back of any vehicle I was commandeering, for nothing but male ego’s sake.
Actually, my own learning experience behind the wheels wasn’t derived through conventional means. I didn’t attend any driving school/s or take lessons from my dad’s driver, as was the case with many experts today.In my case, I practically schooled myself by the age-old method:trial and error. Yes, I had stolen a car from home before, but only to get instant payback for it by scratching the side door as I was driving of the house gate. As time went by, my driving skills expectedly got better and better(less life-threatening, rather).I know many guys/girls who started driving in their early teen years while there are those who still don’t have the ‘liver’ to dare take sole control of the ‘almighty’ automobile, especially in a crazy country for driving such as ours.(To give an example, as at a few years ago, reputable movie director Spike Lee, still couldn’t drive due to his phobia for it).
I do feel though, as many would agree,that driving in Naija (especially in our mad Eko) is far from easy and those who can do it flawlessly here can certainly handle the wheels in any other part of the globe. In fact, even in Mars.Abi there’s sand there?

A Truly Prized Possession

2008-06-15T12:06:00.009+01:00

Friday afternoon.My office.2nd floor.When it made contact with the tiled surface below,it seemed like i had just been stabbed.Even though i haven't experienced that before(thankfully),i'm sure it felt just as painful.So what was 'it'?My beloved Nokia E61i falling more than 20 feet with incredible force after it had accidentally slipped out of my pocket as i was re-clipping my ID card onto my jeans.As i rushed down to see what damage had just occurred,i was understandably worried about the consequence of the device's impact.Fortunately,most of the phone was assembled with some ease by fellow colleagues who had witnessed the 'horror'.Sadly though,the screen had broken and as such,i couldn't see anything on my screen.For those who know me well,that was close to a tragedy.What would happen to my frequent mobile browsing,mobile office application for my emails as well as my regular texting activity?And last but not least,i was unable to see any caller's ID/messages.

It wasn't until i was rescued from my dilemma about 24 hrs later,courtesy of the kind people at I-Cell:Nokia's official handset repairs/warranty centre,that i finally had peace of mind(My special thanks goes to their wonderful employee,Victoria,for understanding my 'visible' trauma & attending to my desperate situation even though they had closed by the time i got there).The time in between incident and repair had been nothing short of a terrible discomfort for me.I was just not myself,was restless and felt so inconvenienced.That's when i realised how attached i had become to my precious mobile phone.The 7k cost of a new LCD screen for my E61i was a small price to pay to have my 'life' back.Seriously.Also,it was much cheaper than buying a new smartphone.It's obvious,now more that ever to me,that mobile phones might have become a priceless part of our daily lives.After all,it seems like it's one of our closest friends since we are practically with it all the time.And it took friday's unfortunate event to show just how important this special tool has become to us.

Like the saying goes,'you don't know what you've got till it's gone.'Well,thankfully in this case,it was only a 24-hr absence.

The Height Of Xenophobia

2008-05-24T10:17:00.006+01:00

At first glance,the word 'Xenophobia' seems complex.However,it's definition is quite straight forward & easy to understand.'A fear or contempt of that which is foreign or unknown,especially of strangers or foreign people'.Many nigerians may easily remember our own 'Ghana Must Go' era in the 80s when our Ghanaian brothers were peacefully asked to return to their own country.Unfortunately,the situation in recent weeks has been anything but pleasant.The disturbing and largely fatal attacks on foreigners(mainly Zimbabweans)which emanated in the Gauteng townships of Johannesburg have been received with shock across the continent.Gruesome attacks on foreigners were reported in the mainly poor townships of the nation's commercial capital.As at today,over 40 people have been killed and there's further bad news of the violence spreading to other South African cities like Durban and Cape Town.The grouse by the unruly locals are that the foreigners are competing with them for the few available jobs & housing and are also responsible for the rising crime wave in their communities and cities.While actual proof of their claim may not be readily available,it's easy to understand why the suffering masses in the once racially divided nation are venting their frustrations,what with the hardship the country's predominantly black poor currently face.Nevertheless,the cruel and fatal attacks on their neighboring brothers can't in any way be justified or rationalised.
Even though President Mbeki has summoned the army to assist with quelling the escalating violence,there still seems to be,in the views of many observers,displeasure with the way the government has handled the crisis.On another note,many of our fellow Nigerians make up a significant amount of foreigners residing in the beautiful african country.Expectedly,the developments there have become a major cause of concern for their friends and relatives back home.I've heard that many nigerians there have taken refuge in churches,police stations and the Nigerian Embassy building.I sincerely hope the mayhem and riots end in the shortest possible time as no one with a conscience can be happy seeing the disturbing pictures & footage of fellow africans being beaten,raped & burnt alive.
Lastly,from the PR perspective,the situation could have a devastating impact on the country's booming tourism industry(67% of tourists in SA are africans) especially with the upcoming 2010 World Cup & the enormous economic benefits football-loving visitors would definitely bring to the nation.

The BA Controversy

2008-05-07T23:11:00.007+01:00

Ladies & Gents,let me start by saying these are my personal views/thoughts on the recent British Airways controversy involving some nigerian passengers(and some other foreigners,i should add)in March.Well,i personally love flying BA...simply because i've alway had a pleasant experience each time i fly with them to and from the UK.And like the saying goes,'if it ain't broke,don't try to fix it'.That aside,Nigerians make me laugh.With all due respect to the passengers who were allegedly affected by the incident on that fateful day in March,why have nigerians not signed petitions for the appalling way they are treated(as customers) in banks,general & private hospitals,offices,govt agencies,state secretariats,ministries etc over here?How about the way bullion vans,military & policemen harass law-abiding citizens on a daily basis simply because they have guns/power?..what about the decay called Nepa(PHCN),the frightening crime rate,insecurity and other pathetic vices most nigerians face daily?..why has no one petitioned/protested against the Govt for treating it's citizens like this due to some greedy officials in office who have no conscience while in public office?..or is that not maltreatment,especially for tax-paying citizens who expect to receive certain basic things/a respectable standard of living.?Left to me,this BA incident is primarily a publicity stunt by some selfish twats who want their names/faces in the limelight.

We are really funny in this nation,i tell you.Instead of facing real issues,we are trying to feel important in the eyes of foreigners.This reminds me of the dumb petition some jobless passengers made against a foreign airline for spraying the plane(passengers included) with insectide before international flights leaving Nigeria.1.Didn't the passengers hear a prior announcement from d cabin crew that the spray wasn't harmful to passengers?2.Weren't the cabin crew also inside the plane to face the same spray?3.When else should one spray a plane leaving a mosquito-infested country except when all the plane's doors have been shut,as a prelude to the flight's departure?Some people are just plain jokers,indeed.Back to the BA flight,do most of us know the procedures that can be carried out by the flight captain/police when there are incidents or cases of disturbances onboard a flight that could have an impact on the flight's security/safety?How do we know that the nigerians on board didn't get unruly/aggressive(as many of us could tend to be)during their protest in support of the nigerian passenger who was the catalyst for the entire drama?I'm aware that many passengers of different nationalities have been ejected from flights hundreds of time across the globe e.g in cases where they were deemed as security risks,unruly,aggressive or a danger to other passengers etc.

P.S. As someone who believes in the rights & respect of a paying customer,i however believe that BA should indeed apologise for the inconvencience/disrespect some passengers alleged faced on the day in question.However,we should stop seeking cheap publicity primarily for the sake of self-importance/relevance.

The Torture called Banking

2008-04-07T11:36:00.004+01:00

It’s 9.45pm on a Wednesday. I had just gotten off the phone with a banker friend of mine. The conversation ended up lasting less than 15 seconds. No, the connection didn’t prematurely end. The brevity of the call was because the gentleman told me, in a hushed tone, that he couldn’t speak at the time. Simply because he was in the middle of a meeting in the office. In the background, I could hear some of his colleagues discussing work-related matters. I rechecked my watch, just to be sure what time it was. I hadn’t been wrong. It was 15 minutes to 10.And this chap was in the middle of a meeting at the office.Wow.I didn’t know whether to laugh or sympathize with him. I then thought about the likely possibility of him getting home around 11pm or later.The next thing that came to my mind was him reluctantly having to wake up a few hours later for another busy day. If you are currently in the banking industry, what you’ve just read might not sound like such a big deal as many of you are probably used to long hours being spent at the office.However,I wonder what most employees really feel about this ‘torture’ in the name of collecting a salary. From various interactions i’ve had with bankers, picking up your stuff to close at 5.30pm would draw serious stares from your colleagues & bosses alike. Like you were walking around the office naked. So my wonder is this: Why do most bankers work such lengthy hours? Some say it’s a way of avoiding the regular rush hour traffic in the evenings. Could it possibly be a bit of eye-service, as well? As in, to seem like such a committed workaholic in the eyes of your boss or superiors? Or is your bank/unit/department understaffed,thereby creating an enormous amount of workload for the available hands to handle? I had actually thought that with the capitalization exercise carried out by the CBN a few years ago, things in this area would improve. My angle being that there would be only about 25 banks in operation(as against the 80+ we had before) thereby reducing competition, and that the 25 would have vast amount of funds available at their disposal, thereby reducing the pressure experienced in the past with marketing,rivals,financing of required staff number requirements/remuneration costs etc.For married, female bankers, there’s also a negative impact lengthy work hours could have with the domestic requirements at home, especially when children are involved. So my dear people, what exactly makes it ‘unofficially’ necessary that most bank employees close late? As for my banker friend, I hope he gets spared the current torture he’s experiencing, though. I thought i heard only witches/wizards met late at night.

Nothing Funny About It....

2008-03-26T11:20:00.002+01:00

I believe that a major reason why customers, of anything from a restaurant to a concert, are constantly treated shabbily in this country is because we (the customers) always accept it. If one treats a client like crap and gets away with it, chances are that there would always be a repetition. When I say ‘shabbily’, I’m referring to stuff like long delays for shows to start (aka African Time), rudeness and general disrespect for the customer in this country. One of the chief culprits of this type of behaviour are concert/show organizers. Although there are so many instances to serve as evidence to back up my assertion, I’ve decided to use an event that occurred a few weeks ago. The venue was the almost-overstretched Muson Centre, Onikan. The event: Comedian AY’s show. First of all, if a show was meant to start at 5pm, then why in the Lord’s name can’t it start at the pledged time? I so would like an answer. Maybe I’m very strange for expecting it to?It actually sickens me.
I gather that after the 'usual' situation of delaying guests outside the venue for a few hours, the show finally got underway (after a mad stampede as people struggled to get into the hall). It soon became clearly apparent to everyone that the show’s organizers had sold tickets almost twice the amount of seats at the renowned events venue. Why? Well, as that’s definitely a rhetorical question, I wouldn’t hold my breath for an answer. As the greedy/inept organizers realised that there was bound to be a major ‘seating’ headache which might not go down too well with guests (as N5k had been prepaid by the attendees), they decided to take a shockingly drastic, but low, step. As many guests(being typical Nigerians) had obeyed the unwritten ‘African Time’ rule and arrived late, this unlucky batch were told to wait for hours as there would now be,spontaneously,2 shows instead. Some of you may ask this good question: Were the scheduled performances by D’Banj,P-Square etc to happen twice for the two batches of guests?Answer:HELL NO.I guess the only way that was going to happen was if the show’s coordinators were ready to double the appearance fees to be paid the KokoMaster & other artistes. So what did the sharp events people do? They got P-Square to perform for the 1st batch of early-arrivers and saved D-Banj for the late-comers waiting for over 2 hours outside (2nd show). As for the ‘jokes’ department, they got about 3 up-coming acts to perform briefly for the latter show. A friend’s sister who had bought a VIP ticket had to share a seat with another friend as there was no space for her to seat during the first show. The passageways that were to enable guests/food & drinks sellers to move freely was fully taken over by newly arranged seats & previously stranded people.(The exact thing that happened at last Xmas’ Rhythm Unplugged in Lagos).As such, many guests couldn’t get something to drink and/or eat. Similar dilemma faced by those who wanted to make use of the restroom. One look at the difficulty of making it to and from the bathroom, and most realised it was smarter to hold their bowels. After all the terrible experiences endured by those who attended this ‘disaster of a show’, nobody prostested to the organizers. They seemed to just accept it,as if it was a free show they were privileged to attend. Why didn’t people in the 1st batch ask ‘Where’s D-Banj?'.Afterall, that was partly what the N5K was meant to cover, right? How about those who did ‘sufferhead’ waiting for the 2nd show to start at 9pm? Didn’t any of them demand for P-Square, as the Show’s adverts promised? Or feel belittled for being kept standing outside for so long? Oppression seems truly a thing of the mind, guys.
Given the evidently ‘passive’ behaviour of those who were cheated/maltreated that crazy Sunday, I’m quite confident we’ll see a repeat at next year’s edition. I won’t be there to experience it, though. That’s for sure.

All Suffering...

2008-03-17T10:11:00.006+01:00

Let me guess.When you hear the word suffering,you immediately think of impoverished children in a wartorn zone,haggard-looking beggars on city streets or prisoners of war being constantly tortured by their captors.Right?Well,if that's your perspective on what the word means or refers to,you may be wrong.

Now,let me briefly explain what the catalyst for this was.I was at a get-together recently and as usual,the group at the occasion started to discuss the state of things in our dear naija.Armed robbers,electricity,corruption and so on.Then someone talked about the suffering being inflicted on the poverty-stricken masses.At this point,one guy responded that we are all suffering.Yes,all of us.Including those who live in expensive apartments,drive nice cars and have very good paying jobs.And i agree.

According to him,waking up for at 4.30am on weekdays because of one's fear of entering the usual,crazy traffic is suffering.Same with putting off one's generator at midnight(despite no available light from PHCN) and sleeping in that condition is suffering.You get the drift,guys.The commonly held view is that suffering is only synonymous with poverty.However,that's not true.So the simple way to figure out which of the two gentlemen at the party was correct is this:To see what the English Dictionary defines suffering as.The definition goes thus:''To undergo or sustain something painful,injurious or unpleasant''.As we know,being in traffic for 4 hours a day is unpleasant.Going to watch a football match at an uncomfortable,overcrowded joint because of problems with your overworked 'back-up' Generator is not pleasant.Being robbed of your valuables once or twice a month in traffic,while on one's way home,is unpleasant & painful(in some cases,injurious also).Based on this,it's clear we are all suffering.Whether we like to admit or not.It's not just those we see begging half-naked on our streets,people.

Mayhem at 25,000 feet

2008-03-03T12:50:00.005+01:00

Ladies & Gentlemen, please picture this scenario: You are an expatriate staff working for one of Nigeria’s biggest, multinational banks. Since your bank has a presence in West Africa, you are to visit your company’s operational office in Cameroun.You book a flight via one of Nigeria’s indigenous airlines whose name rhymes with ‘cell-due’. You board the plane for the 90-minute flight to Douala.Although this airline has had one tragic incident in the not-so-distant past, you are relaxed as you have many years of experience flying.Now,take-off goes smoothly and the airliner is almost at cruising altitude.Then,30 minutes into the flight the aircraft starts to shake aggressively. This continues for far too long to seem like ordinary turbulence. Then you hear the captain’s voice. The plane is experiencing some major problems along its route. Consequently, according to the pilot, they would have to attempt an emergency landing: On WATER!!! As the pilot is rounding up his distressing message to the passengers, the much-dreaded oxygen masks automatically disengage & drop down in front of everyone’s seat.Expectedly,pandemonium ensues.Screams,panic,crying,begging,the name ‘Jesus’ being called out by Christians and pagans alike, like it was going to be permanently banned from everyone’s lips the next day. As an experienced traveller of many, many years you are not as worried as everyone else seems to be. At least till what happens next. The flight attendants join in: Screaming, crying, running, begging & jumping up and down in panic like they had been electrocuted with a 1,000 volts of electricity. One female attendant is shouting out the Lord’s name, asking no one in particular ‘Why?’, “Why did I take this job?’’HEEELLLLPPP…Oh God’. At this point, you almost pee in your pants. Who can blame you? If the trained/experienced cabin crew have all visibly given up hope, who are you not to? Your end is tragically near, you think. You wait, in silent prayer, despite the almost deafening screams resonating around you. Seeming louder than that from a football stadium’s crowd after a last-minute winning goal in a World Cup Final.However,as it wasn’t yet the destined end-time for all on board, the pilots are able to avoid the imminent crash-landing by miraculously controlling the 737 and making an air-return back to Murtala Muhammed Airport. You’ve never being happier to land at the nation’s busiest airport in your life, albeit unplanned.
People, all you’ve just read was a true story. This happened about 5 weeks again. The experience was relayed by the expatriate himself. A day he’ll obviously never forget.
For me, I remember a Virgin Atlantic flight I took from Heathrow to Lagos about 6 years ago. Before we took off, the pilot had told us that it was expected to be a bumpy ride when cruising through european airspace, due to the bad pre-take off weather reports they had received in the flight deck. During the flight, we went through terrible and seemingly endless turbulence. Quite disturbing that the worried lady in front of me kept turning back to ask me what was going on with all the bumpiness. As if I was on the phone with the flight’s captain. As for me, what kept me composed during the 15-minute long turbulence was the visible composure the flight crew showed throughout.They kept serving food and drinks, with an accompanying warm smile, as if they was absolutely nothing for anyone to be worried about.That made me relax and feel that we were in no danger whatsoever (whether true or not).So if I was on this aforementioned flight to Douala and had seen the cabin crew doing all the theatrics, I might have done the ‘no. 2’ in seconds.Thankfully,all passengers were safe and sound.And,as you’ll expect, the expatriate changed his choice of airline for his 2nd attempt to Cameroun. Wouldn’t you have?

Time For Some Action

2008-02-27T09:25:00.004+01:00

So the long-awaited verdict has finally come.According to the Presidential elections petition tribunal,Gen. Buhari(rtd) & Atiku had no substantial evidence to support their arguments against President Yar'adua's controversial election.As such,their petitions were flung out by the 4-member panel of judges.While the argument over whether our dear leader actually won the April 06 contest can linger on for years,one thing seems apparent to many.That is,the president had not made significant headway in the journey of transforming our country positively due to his concern about the goings-on at the tribunal.Some argue that since he wasn't 100% sure of his fate,he understandably wasn't as committed on the job.This could also have been a similar worry for his cabinet as well.

Well,if that's the case,i hope he can now get down to real & undistracted action as a result of yesterday's calming verdict.Action on crime,electricity,corruption,healthcare,the economy and so on.Basically,positive leadership by example.These are the things that matter most to a vast majority of citizens.Even though he may not have received their votes last spring,he owes us all sound,purposeful and transparent leadership.To be honest,if the tribunal had overturned the president's election,that would have had a significantly negative impact on the country in general and caused ripple effects in practically every aspect of our human life.

Come May,Mr. President would have spent a year in office already.Yes,time flies.But for the millions of impoverished nigerians out there,it's as slow as a snail.Same with his impact on the nation thus far.

Hard,But Not Impossible

2008-02-12T13:04:00.000+01:00

The list is seemingly endless. Amy Whinehouse, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, River Phoenix, Eva Mendes, Anna Nicole Smith,James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, Heath Ledger and so on. I’m referring to the names of young celebrities who seem to have succumbed to the pressure of fame and fortune. Those who have been linked with various forms of addiction like drugs, alcohol, prescription drugs and generally controversial lifestyles.To be honest, one knows that it’s extremely hard to stay normal when one becomes a rich celebrity.One who has people constantly screaming and taking pictures at the mere sight of you. Let’s not forget all the glitz, glamour, partying, vanity, women, men that comes with the occupation. Till one is faced with such circumstances, it’s tough to categorically say we won’t fall under the same spell and addiction.However, there are many more in showbiz who have not let themselves get caught up with such negativity. An example that regularly comes to my mind is actor/rapper Will Smith. Despite years of success in the both the music & movie industry, along with a $20m a film paycheck, the 39-year old father from Philly has refused to have himself linked with any negative story or scandal. Happily married to fellow actress Jada Pinkett Smith, the ‘Fresh Prince’ has ensured that his private business stayed private and has also impressively abstained from circumstances/temptations that can lead a celebrity to ruins via scandals,drugs, alcohol & prescription drug addictions. As I say in casual conversations I have with people about young Hollywood and its scandals, if a movie star knows that going to a paparazzi-laden popular club in Beverly Hills would lead to several ‘unflattering’ pictures/reports all over the global press the next day, then simply do not go there. Same with patronising drug & groupie-infested hang-outs.That simple.If you choose to, then expect the good & bad things associated with it.

Parents of these young stars also have a key & moral role to play in their children’s lives, especially in their public conduct .However, it seems most are engrossed in their offspring’s wealth and as such lose focus in handling their parenting obligations (some probably out of fear of being sidelined financially by the family’s golden egg).
My biggest worry with people like Britney, Lindsay and Amy is that all this crazy behaviour they’ve become accustomed to could lead to tragic conclusions. By then, it would have been too late (sadly) for those concerned to do anything about it. The fatal consequences that befell the promising, 24-year old James Dean in the 50s and River Phoenix (aged 23) is an unfortunate reminder of how things could potential go if young, enormously talented actors and musicians fail to get an urgent grip(with the help of family & 'true' friends,of course).
Will, how about giving some private tutorials/tips to your peers?

Joker-In-Chief

2008-02-06T11:32:00.000+01:00

The current U.S. presidential nomination race has generated an unprecedented amount of interest from millions across the world. While the objective is to select the two individuals who would slug it out in the battle to become America’s 44th president come November, this year's event is significantly different. Admittedly,although the fact that an african-american and a female are involved in this contest adds to the fascination, there’s a major reason why people across the globe have been glued to the exciting developments, and a record volume of americans are casting their votes in the on-going primaries. That reason is a man from Texas called George W.Bush,the current occupier of the White House, whom many can’t wait to see leave office next January. America doesn’t seem to have endured tougher times in recent memory. The economy’s almost in a recession, the enormous respect they received from the international community for many years has plummeted to almost rock-bottom levels and they are involved in an unnecessary,expensive & casualty-ridden war in Iraq. Defense analysts estimate the Iraqi occupation to cost the U.S. government about $200,000 per minute. That’s every 60 seconds, folks. Astonishing.

President Bush’s previously impressive approval ratings plunged to about 24% late last year, an all-time low since Nixon’s tenure. Americans are fed up of the mess they’ve endured in the last 7 yrs under the Texas native's leadership. Foreigners are also eager for his departure. His administration has made far more enemies than friends, both home and abroad.

As such, it seems the primary reason for the huge voter turnout experienced since the current nomination process began is this: Many americans feel that their non-chalance/abstinence during the last elections in 2004 gave Bush a victory that they clearly see, with hindsight, was a disaster for their country in almost all aspects .Be it the Economy, international PR, war commitments, Healthcare and so on. A total failure. They also nostalgically remember the impressive legacy of George W. Bush’s predecessor, Bill Clinton. A presidency where peace reigned, America was loved,respected and 10 million jobs were created in the 8-year reign of the charismatic, Oxford-schooled man from Arkansas. Therefore, American citizens have decided not to let those dark days resurface again by getting actively involved in determining a successor who’ll rescue them from their existing Hell.
One thing’s for sure after next January’s swearing-in-ceremony for Bush’s successor. No matter who wins, everyone would be happy. The Joker from Texas would have been confined to history.

I Had No Right

2008-02-05T11:47:00.000+01:00

The extremely deep & talented hip-hop/soul duo PM Dawn,popularly known for tracks like ‘I’d Die without You’ and ‘Looking through Patient Eyes’ is the catalyst for this particular piece. As a big fan of theirs, i expectedly happen to like most of their music. One particular song that really does it for me is the incredibly honest (& melodic) song ’I Had No Right’, a beautiful written composition that has the large lead-singer, Prince Be, apologising to his kid for bringing him to this world ‘Knowing what he knows, feeling the way he feels, being so confused…’.Now, while his thoughts in the song seemed directed at global affairs or his shortcomings as a father, I couldn’t help but look at it from a singular perspective. From the angle of a mother directing similar comments/regrets to her infant. As in, from her knowledge of what the world is tragically like today. I guess it could go a bit like this:
I had no right bringing you here…to a world of suffering
….to a world of blatant corruption
…to a world of prejudice and outright racism
…to a world of people blowing themselves up and taking innocent people along with them
….to a world where,sadly,hard work doesn’t always pay
…to a world of treachery, betrayal, wickedness
...to a world where people have short memories and quickly forget where they came from
...to a world where most things don’t work as they should
...to a world where an unelected president can ‘win’ an election and lead 100 million people who don’t seem to care/mind
…to a world where people can be passive to the mess in government despite its obvious impact in every aspect of their own live
...to a world where people would use you, lie to you, cheat you and desert you when things are rough
...to a world where people practically worship worldly items and valuable possessions
...to a world where people would always let you down
...to a world where half of your so-called friends could actually be enemies
…to a world of perpetual eye-service in every aspect of our daily lives .
...to a world where people who are meant to protect us are paid peanuts like they don’t matter.
…to a world where 1 + 1 doesn’t always give you 2
…to a world where some would read this and not think about it for more 2 seconds, despite its honesty.
Personally,I feel the main message parents should tell their kids, i.e. when they reach the mental stage of understanding, is that it’s a cruel world they’ve come into. And that’s it’s anything but a Bed of Roses (No need beating around the bush, people).
PM Dawn’s 1988 album title adequately summarized Prince Be’s similar regrets with a direct message to his young son, Christian. It simply says ‘Dearest Christian, I’m so very sorry for bringing you here.Love,Dad’…Many people probably are as well, Prince Be.

To Those....

2008-02-04T10:55:00.000+01:00

It’s really tough being good,kind or morally upright these days. There’s so much hardship,many personal difficulties & an overwhelming temptation to do wrong that one almost understands when people falter. It’s simply based on the aforementioned that I’ve decided to dedicate this piece to people who I feel deserve some recognition. Although they are not famous or influential individuals, they are worthy of being appreciated for the things they’ve done and for what some of them, respectably, haven’t done. So here goes my personal appreciation:
1.To those ladies at the Modupe Cole Memorial Home for the Disabled & Mentally Challenged in Yaba.I constantly think of the day I paid a visit there last year. I could only last for about 45mins.However,most of these female workers have worked with the home's inhabitants for as long as 15 years.15 years of washing their clothes,cooking,cleaning up their mess, playing with them and consistently being there for these unfortunate children who are, quite honestly, difficult to look at. Many of us don’t even feel comfortable letting them touch us. That is a job many wouldn’t even do for $200,000 dollars a year. The Modupe Cole staff are a true gift to humanity.
2.To those young men and women who sell recharge cards & hawk goods in traffic each day. In the burning heat of Lagos, these desperate individuals would rather hustle through life legimately, instead of resort to crime like many have done as a quick fix for their hardship. I can’t imagine how it must feel selling plantain chips, credit, rat poison etc on the road for several hours each day. All the more difficult as they try to market these goods to men and women sitting comfortably in their air-conditioned flashy cars, while they themselves are almost boiling & fagged out from all the trekking. How many items do they successfully sell each day, after all that input? I must confess, that is commendable indeed.
3.Lastly, to those 3 nigerian strangers who helped me out when I had some car trouble many years ago. They worked for 2 hours trying to get the car to start, like their life depended on it.Shockingly, they refused to accept one kobo from me, despite my persistent offer. To the extent I thought they could be dubious people who had planned for their 'hidden' cohorts to waylay me shortly after the car would stop a few minutes later. It was too good to be true.With every attempt i made to convince them,they simply said ‘Don’t worry sir. We are okay’. Up till this minute,I can’t understand why they refused to take my money as a show of gratitude for their hardwork.In this country where nothing goes for nothing,even in some friendships.
To these people and everyone else who regularly does the right thing , I say a huge thank you. Your reward is definitely coming someday.Definitely.
In closing, my main prayer is that we are blessed with many more people like them in our society. Please answer me, dear Lord.

Condemned to History

2008-01-30T14:54:00.000+01:00

I was tempted to buy it. After staring at it for about 2 minutes, it brought about a nostalgic feeling that i still can't accurately describe. Those were the days. So what was I staring at with such mental concentration? A picture. Let me rephrase: A classic picture. I was at the Silverbird Galleria during the holidays when I came across an exhibition of reputable photographer Sunmi Smart-Cole’s valuable work from the last 3 decades.Now, there were many fascinating & eye-catching pictures on display that day (including one with OBJ & Pope John Paul II both sitting across a table,wittily titled: CONFESSIONS).However, the framed picture that truly captivated me was the one named ‘War Against Indiscipline’. It was an aerial shot showing about 100 lagosians impressively queuing up for a commercial bus in 1984.The line was so organized that one would have easily assumed the nigerians on it were professional queuers (if there’s such a word).If that isn’t nostalgic for you, then I seriously doubt anything can be. I practically had goose-bumps looking at it.1984.The time when President Buhari, along with the admirable late Brig.Gen Idiagbon, had come close to ensuring we, Nigerians, were disciplined in most aspect of our public lives.

I clearly remember watching the network news on NTA those days (involuntarily, I must add, as a lack of cable TV limited everyone’s viewing choices).I would always laugh at video footage of civil servants being forced, by their superiors, to frog-jump for coming to work late. Thoughts of the humiliation the offenders’ kids would go through, in the hands of fellow students at school the next day, stayed perpetuated in my head each time. Things were organised then. One pissed or threw rubbish on the road at their own risk etc.Well, 24 years later that is ancient history now. In fact, many youths today never experienced ‘those days’ when there was some degree of sanity in our public behaviorial patterns. Today, indiscipline is practically embedded in our DNA.Almost as inseparable as a hen and her young. The first instinct of most of us in a place that involves a lengthy queue is to see how he/she can bribe his or her way to the front. We (including my humble self) are all guilty of this. Easy examples are at times of fuel scarcity, visa quests at the embassies or entry into a show/concert.In a way, economics has a key role to play in this continued decay. My point is this: the security guard who,say in the embassy, is supposed to ensure orderliness is hungry and earns peanuts.Expectedly, he’s ready to enable anyone beat the lengthy line or large crowd, as one as he/she can part away with 100 bucks. Same mindset with the fuel attendants & filling station chaps during times of fuel shortages. If you are not ready(or able) to part away with something, one would languish for hours in the queue.Another simple reason for the apparent extinction of discipline is because our leaders have failed to lead by example.
As I stared at Mr. Cole’s incredibly captured shot of history that sunday afternoon, I wondered if we could ever get back to the type of discipline that was visually evident in that bus stop.Actually, I still wonder.Sadly, the response can come from portions of the biblical saying: ‘It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for…..’.
You fill in the blank.

Nollywood,Please Wake

2008-01-24T12:55:00.000+01:00

$250 million a year. That’s the current value of the Nigerian movie industry, popularly referred to as Nollywood.Apparently, about 30 new movies are supplied to marketers each week. The industry is the 3rd largest in the world i.e. by volume of releases, led only by Hollywood & the Indian industry called Bollywood.The alleged story behind the origin of Nollywood is so basic that it’s actually quite funny. A Businessman from the eastern parts of Nigeria had thousands of videotapes to dispose of in the early 90s.So he, in conjunction with an aspiring director, decided to use a camcorder to shoot a film, making use of the empty tapes for mass duplication of the finished work. Did I hear you say ‘What???’.I relate with your surprise as to its genesis.

Anyway, are you a huge fan of Nigerian movies (sorry, Nigerian RECORDINGS)? I know many nigerians abroad watch them frequently(probably for the nostalgic feeling, since they are far from home) Househelps & hairdressers also make up a significant portion of the fanbase who consistently patronize the industry’s work. In terms of gender, women are the overwhelming sex regularly drawn to naija movies. I actually wonder why. I guess it’s because our dear ladies are anatomically drawn to stories of relationships, vengeance, deceit & treachery. Am I correct, sisters?
For me ,this is the primary reason I’ll stay glued to a naija film for 2 hrs:To laugh my head off at practically everything that unfolds before my very eyes(or if Genevieve's starring in it,of course).99% of Nollywood products never cease to amaze/amuse me. As an example to buttress a point, in the smash romantic drama Pretty Woman, Richard Gere’s character was meant to be a multi—millionaire. We believed because he looked & seemed like one while playing the role. The multi-millionaire in our own movies looks like an ‘Oga’ mechanic who had a good shower. The clothes & their mannerisms show anything but one with a lot of cash in his bank accounts. They’ll then be stupidly talking on the phone about taking their private jet to Abuja for an emergency meeting with the President and so on.Lol.Yeah, right.Which President? Of the Onitsha spare parts market union or what? How about the gangsters in naija movies? Are all nigerian mobsters big fans of colour riots? Green suits with red shirts & brown trousers combined.Aah!!Even Stevie Wonder go shout. The producers and directors can’t even get the simple things right. Must every scene of 2 people eating require them to use forks & knives to eat,or to drink orange juice? Also, you see a camera shot of the guy with half a glass of juice.Then the shot goes to the lady he’s with. When the shot returns to the gentleman 2 seconds after, his glass is full to the brim. When dem pour am? Who pour am? Spirit? As for the scripts, I honestly wonder if it’s primary school children that supply them with their screenplays. Someone shoots another person and the victim shouts out ’Aaaah.You shot Me’. No oh, he didn’t shoot you. He kissed you. For being such a mumu, maybe you deserved the gunshot in the first place. One more thing, guys: The Party Scenes e.g. an Owambe.Dear directors, the fact that the scene cost N100, 000 to shoot doesn’t mean that you show it for half the movie. No wonder many of our films have part 4s.After we have unnecessarily seen people drinking, dancing & spraying money for half an hour.Gosh.Abeg,Nollywood no kill me with laughter oh.

To be fair,a couple of good movies have been made i.e. with overall quality in practically all areas of production, but the vast majority of them are an absolute joke. I heard a Nollywood star recently say in an interview that she strongly believes that many nigerian actors here would soon be nominated for Oscars a la the british & australians. Wait a minute. The same acclaimed Academy Awards in America? Or do they now have Oscars in Enugu or something?
All I have to say about that hilarious comment is this:'She put jazz for mouth?’.

Tipping with Care

2008-01-21T09:59:00.000+01:00

Are you one of those who tips on the regular? As in, no matter what. Even if the person you were tipping didn’t deserve it. Actually, I know there are some who fall within this ‘constantly benevolent’ category. Sorry to make you feel used, but some of you have actually just been guilty of the western bug.Now, this may not necessarily be a bad thing but there are certain things you need to consider before you go doling out money to every single person who served you anywhere. This piece was in a way inspired by a chat I had with a friend recently. She seemed to feel that tipping was compulsory. As you may guess, I strongly disagree.Yes,in practically all Western Hotels, for example, you are sort of obliged to give the concierge something for carrying your suitcase & settling you into your classy hotel room. I guess that’s their culture.

Nonetheless, on the general/home perspective (with the knowledge of what the entire tipping concept was created for), it should only be given if you feel it is/was deserved. End of story. True, we know there are some exceptions like in a situation where your bar bill was N3, 470.You probably wouldn’t be waiting for your N30 change if you had given the waiter N3, 500.However, if you had received shabby or non-chalant treatment from the service person in a restaurant, why in the world would you dash them N100 or N200? To seem cool or western? The joke’s on you, in that case. In other words, you’ve just endorsed the chap/lady’s bad behaviour or poor customer service skills. And that only encourages them to maintain Status Quo, since they see that their attitude hasn’t stopped their tips from coming.Also,please note that in many of the standard bars/restaurants here, a 10% service charge is a compulsory addition to the cost of items you consumed: Even though the service wasn’t all that or was even poor. So by dashing out money again, you have basically being used twice. Fact of the matter. For me, if you treated me poorly during my stay at your joint, I would expect my exact change(except it’s like N10 outstanding or something).No be me get am?One of the main reasons for this is to indirectly let the waiter/attendant know that they were dismal and consequently wouldn’t receive a tip from me. That simple. And me not dashing anything doesn’t mean I can’t, but should be interpreted to mean I wouldn’t, for apparent reasons.If,on the other hand, I had been dazzled or pampered, I would gladly give out a sizeable amount of change for the staff’s effort.
This topic reminds me of a story I heard from someone who, in New York, had called a cab to take her mum & her to JFK from their Manhattan hotel. This taxi driver passively watched them, as they had carried their 3 heavy suitcases, on their own, into the trunk. At the airport, the mum was asking the daughter why she hadn’t tipped the driver anything extra for the services rendered. She said the fierce look she gave her mum was an appropriate,non-verbal response.
I really doubt it was as stern as mine when she relayed that tale.

The Devil Or The Deep Blue Sea

2008-01-15T10:17:00.000+01:00

Guys, what I’m about to ask would be quite difficult to answer. Some would try, but would fail. Some would argue for and against. This question, to be honest, requires incredible analytical ability. In fact, an argument over the question can go on for weeks. No exaggeration.Weeks.So without any further ado, this is what I want to know:Who are more irritating:Commercial Bus Drivers or Okada Riders? Told you it would be tough. Reminds you of the dreadful subject known as Further Maths from your secondary school days,right?Well,to ease the task of knowing the correct answer,I’ll try and give a little synopsis of both of these Kolomental creatures. The Okada Rider: In Naija, anyone can assume this suicidal role. As long as you are old enough to pedal. Although they tend to come from a particular part of the country (I won’t mention where, in the spirit of political correctness) they seem destined to irritate the hell out of motorists. They love to take one-way, consistently ride recklessly, have no regard for traffic lights unless it’s a place with a lot of cops/Lastma officials & are partners-in-crime when it comes to aiding criminals who rob motorists in traffic. To describe them in a simple, one-word summary: STUPID.Or in two words: STUPIDLY STUPID. Make the mistake of hitting one of them(which is actually one of my personal fantasies) & you’ll be amazed by the speed it takes for over 50 other Okadas to hit the scene in solidarity with the mumu(whether it was their colleague’s fault or not)Sometimes, I think they are from another galaxy & we earthlings just don’t know it yet. Sincerely.

Now, to the second set of Aliens. Commercial Bus Drivers: Show me 3 commercial buses in Lagos with working trafficator lights and I promise you 5 of my fingers. Or 100k.Actually, I’ll give you both. That’s how confident I am about the absence of the aforementioned item on their vehicles. The way then abruptly swerve, to pick up or drop passengers, while in front of you would make you certain that you were a victim of Punked (Nigerian Edition).Like someone is trying to make you as pissed as terrorists are with President Bush. And why do they love one-way so much, even if the correct lane/route is free? The moment they see 5 seconds of traffic, they immediately veer out of lane to climb on the curvette or pedestrian path in continuation of their journey.Like everyone else on the road is not in a hurry,abi?Now,this is a serious question: Is there any evidence of a bus conductor ever falling off a bus while routinely hanging out of it?Miraculously,I haven’t heard of such a consequence.
Well, as for me, this is my own answer to the mind-buggling question: It’s a photo-finish. They are both so annoying, disobedient & dumb in seemingly equal measure that it’s almost impossible to separate the two. That, in itself, is scary.

Love Them To Death

2008-01-13T19:33:00.000+01:00

They are tiny,cuddly,cute,mostly playful,innocent and naive.Their lives are also quite straight forward.They cry when hungry or hurt.They spontaneously smile when one makes funny faces at them.They wrap their fingers around your finger once you place yours between theirs(99% guaranteed).They could also be erratic:i.e they could let you down by crying just five minutes after having being so receptive to your company.They are a gift from the Almighty who change the way their parents view life drastically.Unless you need some major help,i'm sure you've easily figured out who i'm refering to already(especially with the pictorial hint).Babies:those incredible little ones that most of us adore.The wonderful beings who are ignorant of the goings-on around the world.Oblivious of all the hustling,economics,joy,pain,hardship,treachery,hypocrisy,global affairs etc that grown-ups experience.All they know are how to cry when hungry or soiled down below,laugh when one makes silly faces and get carried about 80% of the time.
For me,what's really interesting about babies is the way they grow up to become young boys and girls.They would physically develop to be ladies who would one day wear make-up and be toasted by other guys.Grow to be guys who would probably steal the family car in their teenage years,come back late on fridays & possibly cause their parents some worry in the future,one way or the other.Don't you just wish babies stayed the adorable way & size they are?Strangely enough,i know some(though few)people who aren't crazy about kids.How in the world not?Things almost always change when they have babies of their own,though.That's quite certain.For those who have them,i'm sure the feeling is indescribable.For those yet to,we would all be blessed with as many as we desire some day,by the Lord's Grace.
As for me,i've always loved them for as far back as i can remember.How much?Frankly speaking,'...to death'.

Tempted To Touch

2008-01-11T09:57:00.000+01:00

To all readers who happen to be bankers or ex-bankers, how many of you have ever been tempted to steal from your bank? Before you rush and say ‘Never’, think of all that crazy amount of raw cash you guys see on a daily basis. Particularly those of you who work (or worked) in the banking halls. No temptation, whatsoever? I honestly doubt that none of you had any. What about those who had the ‘slightly degrading’ role of riding in those crazy bullion vans with policemen to transport millions of naira on a daily basis?
Well,the temptation was a bit too much for a cash officer, driver & 3 cops who were attached to a new generation bank recently. The crew, who were to move the sum of N37m from the Akoka branch to the bank’s head office in VI decided to disappear into thin air with the impressive sum. What a simple heist to pull off, right? If shared equally amongst the greedy 5, that’s over N7 million per criminal.Anyway,the dubious cash officer later called the bank to say that their convoy had been intercepted by armed robbers who stole the entire amount from them. This unwise move was what led to his arrest somewhere in Ajah, as the origin of the cellphone call was traced. A Manager in the bank was also arrested by the police and they are both currently assisting the men in black(with some torture,of course) with their investigations in the much dreaded State CID at Panti,Yaba.So,for the umpteenth time, our devoted men of the Nigeria Police Force have received further bad publicity.
As for banks, how can the risk of a re-occurrence be avoided in the future? Do they get police to escort the police escorting the cash-filled bullion vans?Lol.Or do you fit all bullion vans with tracking devices that at least help to show every single movement of the vehicle? For the bank staff who have connived to steal, with or without the help of cops, I feel your pain. It’s like locking a kid up in a candy store & asking him not to touch anything. That requires serious willpower.

The Power of Power

2008-01-08T09:55:00.000+01:00

Just when you think there's nothing else that can shock you in this our beloved Nigeria,something else springs up like it was straight out of a Stephen King thriller.I just finished reading this extremely silly,but 'sad' story.Mrs.Kemi Alao-Akala,wife of the Oyo state Governor, had gone to the Murtala Muhammed Airport yesterday en route to Abuja.At some point,while she was in the VIP lounge,the sum of N56k was stolen from the first lady's bag.Do you know that the security officials attached to her/the airport turned the entire building upside down in search of this 'tremendous' amount of money?In fact,the stern-faced men even asked the airport authorities to provide the last 2 days of CCTV footage,in their devoted quest to find the culprit.2 days!!!!That's 48hrs worth of recording,guys.Are some of us stupid or what?Were they expecting to find evidence of the petty thief camped in the airport lounge since saturday evening or something?With all due respect,while N56,000 isn't exactly chicken change,i doubt many would have gone through 2 days of vigil in a 'secure' location like an airport's VIP lounge just to steal that.Honestly,i think there are some aliens amongst us in this country.Was it all part of the usual sycophancy that made the SS dudes scatter the airport i.e trying to impress the woman or to appear as hard-working?If it was say an assasination attempt on a VIP/top government official,i can swear they would be the first to duck for cover,probably under the nearest stool or table they could find.As at press time,the money was,'shockingly',yet to be found.

Please lord,help our citizens to get serious.Seriously.

I Need Nostradamus

2008-01-07T13:45:00.000+01:00

Can it happen? The exciting signs are there. Has God decided that it’s time? Time for a coloured man to have a chance at the cunningly named ‘White House’.Senator Barack Obama,the black presidential candidate from the state of Illinois is causing a bit of a buzz in the U.S right now especially after his remarkable victory in the Iowa primaries. A state that’s 90% white,population-wise.His main rival & previously assumed Democratic Party nominee-in-waiting Hillary Clinton is worried, to the extent that she’s started lashing out desperately at Obama as being an inexperienced politician who talks a good talk without much substance attached.
The irony of it all is that Barack Obama reminds many Americans (particularly the youths) of Sen. Clinton’s extremely popular spouse back in the day: a young, energetic, brilliant & visually appealing candidate who preaches change & hope. The only & significant difference is Osama’s colour.Are Americans ready to put that aside for the sake of a new beginning? Many cynics (including myself, I must confess) may say no. Not in a hundred years. However, stranger things had happened in the history of mankind. The latest polls from New Hampshire (venue of the next round of primaries) show Obama with an 11% lead over Bill Clinton’s wife.Hugely influential Oprah Winfrey is solidly behind the Harvard/Columbia University alumni and that, we know, is valuable.Yes, Hillary’s campaign team has a larger purse & are possibly better organized, but where was all that when she lost to Obama in Iowa last week?
I read that fire marshals had to be called in to prevent a stampede at the rally the 46-yr old African-American was holding in New Hampshire yesterday. Supporters of Senator Obama had thronged in their thousands attempting to enter the overpopulated cafeteria hall. The buzz is strong. Blacks are salivating. Young America is believing.The voting numbers have more than trebled compared to 4 years ago,possibly due to new-found enthusiasm amongst the electorate.Was Martin Luther King’s ‘I have A Dream’ speech a 45 yrs-in-advance hint? Can he get to lead the United States with its 75% white majority? Can life imitate art & place the young man, with the Kenyan father, in 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue come January next year, a la President Palmer in the hit show,24?Time,they say, would definitely tell. My goodness, how I wish I had Nostradamus right here in front of me.

Naija Music: A Good Year

2008-01-02T11:20:00.000+01:00

First of all, here’s wishing each and every one of you a happy new year. May 2008 bring you all abundant blessings. So the year 2007 has come and gone. For many of us, it was quite an eventful one. On a broader perspective, many industries achieved a lot in the year but none more so than the naija music industry. As most know, the local music scene has blown up significantly in recent years. In continuing with this impressive explosion of talent & quality of material, the year proved to be huge as quite a lot of new acts were exposed to the music-loving public. The household names also strengthened their reputations by releasing huge hits in 07.For me, there were four main acts (specifically, 5 individuals) who had a great year indeed.So, I’ll share them with you.
1. Olu Maintain: The ex-member of a popular Ibadan-based group was massive as a solo artiste with a comical anthem called ‘Yahoozee’.This infectious track was basically a satire of the lifestyles & mentality of the average, infamous 419 beneficiary. To underline this club banger’s popularity, I saw white folks rocking their lives out to the track at a British High Commission party I attended recently. A truly funny/special moment.
2. 2face: The young man from Benue did it again with another special album. How many albums do you get to hear these days that are sweet from Track 1 till the end a la Michael Jackson’s Thriller? Very few indeed.Mr Idibia showed with this CD(released in late 2006) that he’s truly a gifted artiste whose music always comes along with great production, catchy melodies & a sweet, believable voice.’ See Me So’ proved to be another hot track that seemed made for the clubs & parties.’Hey ya Hey Brother eee…’.What a song.
3. D'Banj:The Koko Master was at his very best last year especially with the enormous popularity of the anthemic tracks ‘Why Me’,’Loke’ & ‘Move Your Body’. Ably assisted by his close friend & producer Don Jazzy, this headline artiste of Mo Hits Records clearly proved why he’s loved by many across the country & beyond. I believe that one of his main objectives, i.e when he & Don Jazzy are recording, is to always create songs that get music lovers to spontaneous move their feet as soon as they hear the track’s beats. The MTV Award-winning star ended the year with the release of another huge record called ‘Booty Call’, significantly boosted by the sweet vocals of Wande Coal, another member of the Mo Hits crew. I saw him at a joint on the island a few weeks ago. As I was leaving that night, I noticed his black Benz with the customized ‘KOKOLET’ plate number. No long thing.
4. P-Square: Unless deaf, there’s no young person in this lagos who can say they haven’t heard the extremely popular ‘Do Me’ by the dark-skinned twins.Honestly,I didn’t really like the song when I first heard it.However,with the track seemingly being played at every single place I went to this Christmas, I have to admit that it has eventually grown on me. No matter the occasion, as soon as that unique beat drops, everyone instantaneously springs to their feet. Although the lyrics are nowhere near the songwriting quality level of say Ne-Yo’s, there’s just something that makes it a great song to dance & mime to. Accompanied by a really cool video, this definite club banger was obviously the most popular song during the xmas holidays. Out of curiosity, I recently bought a copy of their latest CD ’Game Over’ while in traffic. After a first listen, I was so impressed by the quality of practically all the songs on it. For me, ‘No One Like U’ is my clear favorite though. To Peter & Paul, I must confess this about your music:’E get as e dey do me’.Lol.
I eagerly wait to see what the year 2008 holds for the millions of naija music fans out there. Mouth-watering prospect indeed.

A Champ Is Humbled

2007-12-22T17:22:00.000+01:00

I’m sure every single one of us has had a bad day at one point in our lives. No matter your regular good fortune or talent, there must have been a time when things just didn’t go your way.Admittedly, there are those who, to us, seem to be as consistent as traffic in Lagos. As far as consistency is concerned, there are two Nigerian comedians who I strongly feel easily rank as the best & most reliable comedians in Nigeria. Who are they, you wonder? Yes, you may have guessed it: Julius Agwu & Basket Mouth. However, for the latter, yesterday was a horrible experience he would pray he could forget for the rest of his days. The occasion was the hugely successful, Xmas-season music/comedy show, Rhythm Unplugged. After a typical delayed start, the show got into its full flow with infectious music, great dance performances & extremely funny comedians. This was till it was time for Basket Mouth to take the stage for his routine. Although this top comedian started out with an unusually low tone, I had thought it was just a different way of starting his performance this time around. I was sure that in no time we would all get to hear the normal rib-cracking jokes the Edo-Born young man is best known and respected for. Sadly, it didn’t come. His jokes were astonishingly dry (save for one or two moments) and the crowd, many of whom were amongst his huge admirers, were merciless. They kept booing and, at a point, were asking him to leave the stage. Understandably, Basket Mouth (real name: Bright Okpocha) refused to. Simply because that’s one of the worst things a stand-up comedian should do. Especially for one as successful & cherished as Bright. So he resorted to insulting some members of the public. At a point, when someone in the crowd screamed out that he was messing up due to the obvious wealth he’s accrued in recent years, he tried to convince us of his down-to-earth nature by informing us of his regular visits to a popular amala joint in Yaba.Truly sad. The boos only got more consistent & louder. He seemed confused, seeking support by asking those who truly loved him to shout out loud, a desperate wish they duly obliged (probably out of pity). This was like an ‘I’m still one of the best out there’ taunt. When it became apparent that he had undoubtedly overstayed his welcome, he humbly made his way off stage. I was shocked and deeply saddened. My Basket Mouth. The man who can crack people up at a funeral.Humbled.Embarassed.Well, if this is still one of the undisputed Kings of naija comedy I know, then we look forward to him coming back with a huge bang. He has to, as there’s no other choice. The whole incident was made all the more humiliating as his fellow colleague, Julius Agwu was at his trademark best(at times assisted by his partner-in-crime, Okey Bakassi).

Basket Mouth, I know yesterday night must have been hard to swallow. Like you said, you’ve never been booed off by your fans before. Only God knows what really went wrong, but I’m confident you’ll prove to your dear fans that yesterday’s disaster was simply a one-off which would never re-occur.Please, I beg you.

Jingle Bells

2007-12-13T10:08:00.000+01:00

It's that time of year again,guys.The Christmas season.The period of time each December when kids get all excited and most workers are at their most buoyant.I vividly remember the excitement i used to feel as a kid this time of year.The presents,the turkey,peppersoup,my dad's extra-generosity,the numerous hampers & goats we received from family friends and fairweather associates of my father's.Those were really fun times,but i guess nostalgia works that way.Anything that happened many years ago seemed like the best of times.So i guess if that nostalgic theory is consistently accurate,we'll all be reminiscing in the year 2040 of how wonderful power supply was in 2007.Hahaha.I rebuke that in Jesus' name,as that simply means we'll probably have electricity 5 minutes a day or something then.I'm digressing,so back to the feel good moments of the xmas season.These days,December is a period for shows,concerts,weddings & temporary nightclubs(i.e. arranged by sharp dudes who briefly rent & convert someone's home or office to make quick cash from those who treat every day in december like it's friday).On the not so pleasant side,the season is also the time when the men of the underworld are at their most alert & industrious.Afterall,everybody wan enjoy christmas.Business is also brisk for venue owners,bars,airlines,hotels,makers of hampers,sellers of rice,goats and so on.If only we had a proper data collation system in this country,i would have loved to know the amount spent by nigerians in December yearly.Must be in the billions.

After all the fun is over,things change really fast.The month of joy quickly passes the baton to the month of financial sorrow for most a.k.a January.The month when the pockets have dried up due to the early payday most employees receive in December as well as the extreme partying,drinking & reckless spending indulged by many.It's all so routine each time that it seems like a scene from Bill Murray's Groundhog Day,a movie where the actor's life follows the same sequence every single day from the moment he wakes up.However,it's truly a period to be merry,grateful to the Almighty for all the blessings received during the year and most especially for our lives being spared to see the final month of the year.

Whatever your views on xmas and it's associated season,it's undoubtedly the time of the year with the most activity.Especially for one's seemingly leaking wallet.

Happy & safe holidays,everyone.

It Promises To Be 'Sick'

2007-12-10T09:49:00.000+01:00

According to Websters dictionary,one of the definitions of the word 'Sick' is:'Dwelling on or obsessed with that which is gruesome,sadistic,ghoulish or the like'.However,when it comes to black people-speak,sick means any of the following: 'hot','too hard','lovely','special','daammmn'.For those who still find this difficult to understand,i'll give some examples of what sick is,as far as street-talk is concerned:'Buy U a Drank' by Tpain is a sick joint.The Range Rover Sport is a sick ride.Beyonce Knowles is a sick chick.Get it now?Well.i'm sure you do.So,you know what else is sick?Simple.This upcoming friday & saturday i.e Dec 14th & 15th.The reason is clear as one those 2 days,Lagos would be rocked by a huge array of hot artistes from the States.At Friday's Star Mega Jam,8 time-2008 Grammy nominee Kanye West & America's hottest singer of the moment,T-Pain would thrill fans at Ikoyi's Polo Ground.T-Pain is so popular currently that he was featured in 4 singles on the US Top 10 Chart last week.
On the next day at the Thisday Centre in Lekki,music fans would be treated to performances by Lil Kim,super-rapper Lil Wayne,Amerie,Brick & Lace,Ying Yang Twins & recently debuted Jamaican star,Sean Kingston.

Nigeria has impressively seen a vast amount of popular singers/rappers grace our soil over the last couple of years, unarguably highlighted by the appearance of celebrity couple,Jay Z & Beyonce last year.I was chatting with a friend in England just last week and he was quite envious of the fact that many in Nigeria had seen more stars perform over here than he has in the UK.

Understandably for many,security seems to be a big concern for those interested in attending the upcoming shows in Lekki & Ikoyi.As such,i hope that the organisers & authorities rise up to this challenge & pass in flying colors.
To steal a phrase from a chart-topping song by two of this weekend's performers i.e Kanye West & Tpain,all i'll say to the true music fans attending the concerts is 'Welcome to the Good Life'.

Respect Thy Stranger

2007-11-28T09:43:00.000+01:00

What you are about to read is a true story.Yes,so true.I heard it from the guy involved,myself.I had met up with a friend last week for drinks.Two other friends of his had later joined us.This factual tale was experienced and relayed by one of them.Now this guy had,not too long ago,met a very pretty and intelligent chick at a gallery in ikoyi.You see,his cousin was an upcoming painter and had gotten an opportunity to showcase some of his works at an exhibition being held there.Under pressure from his cousin to show some support,he decided to attend the occasion.So while at this event looking at the displayed works,him and this hot girl got talking.They hit it off so well that they swapped numbers.Over the next few days,they spent loads of time chatting & texting.They then met up for drinks at Churasco and had dinner a couple of times.The thought even crossed this guy's mind that she could be 'the one' as she seemed heaven-sent,due to their incredible compatibility.

So one weekend,she invited him to her family house in VI for the first time.Earlier that day,this short-tempered chap's mechanic had pissed him off,as he had spent way too long servicing the guy's Honda.On his way to the girl's place,he was caught up in traffic on the island which added to his earlier fury.He later found himself in a queue of cars waiting for the traffic warden at the Adeolu Odeku junction to give them the go-ahead to move.When the traffic guy beckoned for his line to proceed,he noticed that the guy driving the Toyota just in front of him was stalling.Apparently,something must have been up with the man's car.After blaring his horn for a while,this guy impatiently decided to move out of his lane.As he swerved out,he uttered 'idiot' loudly at the 'sluggish' elderly man whose window glass was partially wound down.
He then spontaneously decided to stop at Park & Shop to get his 'new' chick some bars of Twix,which happened to be her favorite.As he was getting out of his car at the supermarket,a man in his early 50s,wearing a blue linen shirt walked up towards him.He soon realised that it was the guy he had just abused less than 2 minutes ago.The well-spoken,older man man asked 'Why did you have to insult me,young man?Would you have liked it if someone your age abused your father like that?'.

For some unexplainable reason,the young chap simply hissed and walked away unrepentantly.

After he bought the chocolate bars,he set out for the babe's house excitedly.

20 mins later,he was in her living room gisting and giggling away.He was quite relaxed as her mum was sleeping upstairs and her dad was out.Shortly after,the doorbell rang behind him.The girl stood up to open.As he heard her say 'Welcome,daddy',he spontaneously rose and turned to meet & greet his 'potential' father-in-law.It was the man in the blue linen shirt.

HiTV:The Mother Of All Rip-Offs

2007-11-25T14:39:00.000+01:00

I just want to ask one question.Realistically, I doubt I’ll get an appropriate answer but I’ll ask anyway. Why do most things Nigerian always have K leg? As I type this, I’m no longer as angry as I was around this time yesterday. Simply because Arsenal won & our rivals Man Utd lost, giving us a 3 point lead at the top of the premiership table.Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see the game despite having two satellite dishes at home and religiously forking out N13,000 a month on combined subscription fees. So how come I wasn't able to see my darling club play yesterday? Simple: HiTV.The ‘sadly Nigerian’ cable company did it again, but this time it was on an unprecedented scale. For close to 4 hours yesterday, all I, as well as hundreds of thousands of soccer fans across the country, saw on the soccer channel was ‘scrambled’. As most of us know,’scrambled’ is reserved for only those whose subscription have expired and as such, have had their access disconnected. Well yesterday, even one with a 10-year subscription was in the same boat of non-visibility. Every football lover who had eagerly awaited the game was left stranded.I also feel sorry for Liverpool fans as the signals vanished 20 minutes into their team's exciting game with Newcastle.No explanations. No mercy.Helpless.I had to keep checking the internet for updates on the goings-on at the Emirates. All we got later was a silly, arrogant 10 second apology from the studio’s so-called soccer analyst. I can’t remember his name, but ‘airhead’ would suffice as an appropriate substitution.
What makes yesterday’s events more annoying was because this was the umpteenth time we had been subjected to similar rubbish from airhead's employers. From delayed transmission of live matches to poor, unwatchable signals for a significant portion of games, we’ve seen it all this season. Their company slogan should read ‘Mediocre Are Us’,instead of the laughable 'Correct TV' they stupidly claim.That's as blasphemous as calling Whoopi Goldberg the sexiest woman in Hollywood.My people, we don suffer for this country. Some apologists keep saying ‘give them time’, ‘it would get better’ etc but that’s just a load of hogwash. I’m tired of always having hope & faith in most Nigerian ventures only to be sent crashing back down to earth, every single time. I actually had a feeling all this would happen when I heard that this joke of a company had, through some Abuja connections, obtained the right to broadcast 80% of the premiership games this season.
Personally, Osama Bin Laden can have the broadcast rights for all I care.Just give me uninterrupted access to what I paid for.

The PR In Marriage

2007-11-23T10:43:00.000+01:00

As i write this,i'm still a bit shocked.Since i took a few days leave this week,i had become a bit of a couch potato trying,mostly,to finish my recently acquired season 3 DVD of the medical drama,House.In between,i was involved in channel flipping on DSTV.My fiddling with the remote on wednesday evening took me to Mnet,where i noticed that the recently launched talkshow,Moments with Mo,was about to air.The topic of the day was 'Finding & Keeping Mr.Right'.One of the guests on that episode was a TV presenter called Catherine,wife of a certain presenter of a popular quiz show.Now,as some may know,quite a lot of girls are attracted to him,primarily due to his good looks & on-air charm.

Catherine was basically giving tips to viewers about relationships as well as the many reasons that make her husband such a wonderful partner to have.As she spoke that evening,it was clear that many women in the audience were a bit envious,especially as she kept going on & on about her man's special qualities which made her such a lucky spouse.When asked by Mo' what advice she would give ladies looking for their Mr.Right,she simply responded 'Smile'.According to her,that's important because you just never know if that soulmate is lurking.

So,to my aforementioned shock.I was browsing this morning when i came across recent stories of Catherine publicly proclaiming that her 'Knight in Shining Armour' was a physical abuser.So bad that he had even hit her in public places such as the airport.To steal a quote,she alleged that he 'batters her at the slightest provocation'.According to the reports,she's currently seeking refuge away from her matrimonial home while her husband's making frantic efforts to reconcile.

Expectedly,i'm curious.Was he a 'wife-beater' when Catherine was probably deceiving audience members that day on the show's recording?If so,that's quite sad and just goes to show the smokescreen involved in many marriages.

Or when she gave the 'smile always' tip,was she actually referring to Fela's similar message in 'Suffering & Smiling'?Hmmm.

England,Let's Face It

2007-11-22T17:20:00.000+01:00

I’ve seen this happen over and over again. To the extend that i now feel like Bill Murray in 'Groundhog Day'.Last night was the latest reoccurrence. Once more, the English national team disappointed the naive millions across the European country who had again placed their hopes & trust in them. The occasion was the final round of qualifying matches for next summer’s Euro 2008 football tournament. In a game where at least a draw would have sufficed for qualification, England failed to deliver. In front of 90,000 spectators (most of them supporting the homeside) at famed Wembley stadium, the founding home of the incredible game couldn’t deliver. After coming back from 2 goals down against the group leaders Croatia, they were dealt the final blow by substitute Petric’s 77th minute 25-yard strike. As expected, the English press was ruthless in their headlines this morning, raining insults on everyone that had anything to do with the squad. Predictably as well, the FA were swift to respond by sacking Steve McLaren, the ineffective Manager employed 18 months ago under controversial circumstances.

I spent the better part of this morning watching on Sky News (with glee,I must confess) the views of fans & reporters about last night’s nightmare. One gentleman’s perspective caught my attention. It was as if he was a mind reader who had snatched my exact thoughts from my head. Simply put, he hit the nail on the head: England isn’t good enough and the earlier the English people realize that, the better for their footballing growth & progress. These guys feel there are amongst the best in the world. Yes, they do. Pathetically so. England’s only ever major achievement was their 1966 world cup triumph, a tournament they hosted & won under dodgy circumstances in the final game that summer. And they do not want to ever forget it. Wake up, Guys.That was over 40 years ago. What else has the country won since then? Absolutely nothing.True, England is home to arguably the most exciting football league in the country, but as I keep reminding people, this is simply due to the enormous amount of gifted foreign players plying their trade there. Indeed, there are some English world-class players like Wayne Rooney & Steven Gerrard, but that’s evidently not enough to become a great team. What makes last night’s loss even more painful for their fans was that their team was playing against a Croatian side that had nothing to play for, since their qualification for next summer’s tournament was already previously guaranteed.

So now, the search is on for McClaren’s successor and certain names like ex-Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho’s & Aston Villa’s Martin O’neill have begun making the rounds. Although Mourinho, aka The Special One, has always stated that the only national side he could ever manage is that of his home country Portugal, let’s not forget that money has been known to sway even the most rigid of men. According to media reports, the estimated financial impact on England’s absence from Euro 2008 is close to $4 billion. In other words, those English nationals who have business ties with the England team have another reason to be disgusted today.
Well, while we wait to see who’ll bravely accept to fill this existing vacancy, one thing’s for sure: He has a lot of work to do.

God's Own Country

2007-11-20T09:51:00.000+01:00

It seems, these days, like there’s one natural disaster or the other happening somewhere with such alarming regularity. The latest of such tragedies occurred in far away Bangladesh. The cyclone has claimed thousands of lives, with much more rendered homeless. Only recently, Mexico & Chile had Mother Nature leave destruction in it’s wake as well, the latter courtesy of a massive earthquake. We all remember clearly the severe impact Hurricane Katrina had in America’s New Orleans & the Tsunami that ravaged Asia on Boxing Day a few years ago. We i.e. Nigerians should be so grateful that our country’s spared from such catastrophies.Seriously speaking, I feel that we don’t get to experience such devastation simply because we would, as a nation,all be probably extinct by now if such fate befell us just like other countries across the globe. Can you take a moment to imagine the consequences on lives and property if, for example, overpopulated Lagos experienced a hurricane or an earthquake? What emergency plans & resources would this nation muster to save people and homes if a calamity like that ever happened here? The mere thought of it gives me goosebumps the size of pebbles. In this country where it took almost 24 hours to locate a plane that crashed on dry land.

As far as tragedies here go, the one that probably comes to most minds was the Ikeja cantonment episode several years ago. I vividly recollect the sad story of hundreds of young women & children who met their untimely end while all running away en masse, due to the general panic that ensued in the nearby environs.Yes, even developed nations who are regular recipients of nature’s wrath experience significant fatalities, but their emergency teams save many more due to the personnel’s advanced training and availability of required tools to deal with the circumstances. Over here, most of the few fire trucks that function don’t even have water in them when they get to the scene. It’s so strange that it’s almost laughable, despite the seriousness of the matter. Also, when last do you think the emergency & rescue units here ever did a drill to ascertain their readiness for any eventualities? We know the answer to that question.
Indeed, America is regularly referred to as God’s own country but I’m sure we follow very closely behind.

Another One Bites The Dust

2007-11-16T10:19:00.001+01:00

Yesterday's stripping of Adamawa Governor Murtala Nyarko's title by the state elections petition tribunal made it no.5.He became the fifth Governor to lose his position in the last six months.Others preceding him were the Governors of Kogi,Kebbi,Anambra & Rivers States(the last two being declared null & void by the highest court in the land).As expected,most well-intentioned nigerians have heaped praise on the judiciary for standing firm & ensuring that the rule of law was a vital prerequisite for a respectable democracy.I strongly agree.They are indeed the ones who've impressed me so far in this new dispensation i.e Yar' Adua's administration.
On the other hand,the man who should bury his head in shame is undoubtedly the INEC boss.As many observers know,the electoral body's helmsman has consistently beat his chest with pride for conducting 'successful' elections earlier this year.Even recently,after a damning report on the tragically flawed process by the EU,the Professor went on air to condemn the european body's objective findings,maintaining that his commission had done a commendable job despite the many challenges they faced.Wait a minute.If 5 governors have lost their honorable positions based on glaring unconstitutional irregularities ranging from illegal removal of candidates' names from ballots(despite winning their primaries) to wrongfully exempting certain individuals from contesting the april polls,then it's clear the electoral body & it's Chairman have many questions to answer.Even a 10 year old probably knows that the so-called elections held in April was a complete shamble,ranking among the worst in our political history.There were gross irregularities & countless cases of rigging experienced all across the nation.An ostrich with connections & cash would have won a seat in the House of Reps,if so desired.You know it.I know it.So why do these jesters constantly say things that indirectly seem to call us 'stupid'?To be honest,many nigerians were basically more concerned with the civilian-to-civilian transition happening,as against the elections being annulled.Yes,that may be understandable due to the shameful fact that our dear Nigeria had never had one democratic government successfully hand over to another.
Ladies & Gentleman,this West african country with 140 million souls has gone through so much deceit,ridicule,corruption & everything humiliating under the sun.But for how much longer?
There's only one logical event that needs to happen in the next few days & that's for the Professor to honorably step aside.
But knowing this country,i wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that to happen.

The 'Jungle' In Justice

2007-11-14T10:45:00.000+01:00

I was on my regular morning drive to work. Same old drive I’ve made for about a year & a half. Along my usual route, as my car moved slowly through rush hour traffic,I noticed a large cluster of people walking on my right hand side. I then observed that this group of individuals was drawing interest from practically everyone else around. As my iris probed further, I quickly noticed that the main centre of attention was this dark, naked mid-20s looking chap. He had a thick silver chain tied around his neck, handled by another hard-faced dude. It instantly became obvious that the clothless guy had probably being caught stealing, allegedly at least.
As he was being dragged, some other guys in the contingent were kicking,slapping & flogging him as he moved along weakly. The chained guy was crying and had some blood stains on his face & parts of his upper body. At first, I thought to myself, ‘Good for him. Everyday for the thief, one day for the owner’. As this ‘centre of attraction’ was been paraded to everyone’s viewing pleasure, I noticed some policemen about 20 yards away. They too had their eyes locked on the group, visually following the increasing crowd’s march. They just stood watching, like everyone else, as the men passed. It was quite clear what was extremely likely to happen to this guy. They were probably going to decorate his naked frame with fuel, throw a tyre around his neck & then light a light, making an instant barbecue of the alleged criminal.

So,I then wondered ‘Has jungle Justice come to stay?’. Part of me said ‘This wicked man,who has probably caused enormous grief for many families, deserves what fate was about to bring him.Afterall, he chose his path & should bear the natural consequences’. But my more sympathetic, 'rule-of-law' side responded, like it was a mental debating session ‘Should people take matters into their own hands?What example is that setting?Isn’t there a constitutional, legal process that every criminal should go through?’ That politically correct perspective gave me some worry,though. In this country where N20,000 could possibly get a police station’s DPO to tear your case file to shreds, even if you are under arrest for murder, robbery and rape combined. I was really in a dilemma here, as to what should really happen to this so-called crook. I then recollected the situation Jodie Foster faced in her latest movie ‘The Brave One’ where she had to take laws into her own hands after her boyfriend’s brutal murder, since the law enforcement officers(aka New York's finest) seemed in no mood to handle the case effectively.
As I settled down in the office, I wondered if the guy had already been executed.
Well, maybe sadly to say, I didn’t feel too bad.

Sleeping With An Eye Open

2007-11-12T10:03:00.000+01:00

I’ve just finished hearing a really frightening story. A friend & colleague had her house in Lekki visited in the early hours of this morning. The 8 robbers spent over an hour trying to break into her home. They eventually made it in through the guest room window, subsequently entering her room(where her husband, mum & two kids were hiding)via the ceiling. After her & hubby received severe beating, the men of the underworld took every valuable they could possibly cart away.Money,clothes,phones,jewellery,wedding rings etc.The cruel men even at a point threatened to shoot her 4-month old baby if she & her husband didn’t produce pounds sterling, proving their intent by pointing a gun’s nozzle at the innocent infant.How traumatic that must have been.

I’m sure you are probably saying ‘But the thieves tried entering the house for a long while, so she had ample time to call the police.’Yes, she had time but despite calling for help at around 1a.m, the esteemed protectors of lives & property didn’t show up until some minutes to 4 a.m.I’m sick & tired of hearing of cops getting to crime scenes long after the criminals have fled.Gosh, we are in trouble. The closest I’ve ever come to an armed robbery was when a petty burglar entered my VI home through the living room window in the mid-90s and made away with a video cassette player.Thankfully, we didn’t notice anything till the next morning.

I can only imagine how scary it must have been for this family knowing that dangerous, armed criminals were trying frantically to come into their home in the dead of night. It must have been even more terrifying when they were actually face to face with the armed devils. The crooks even took the tiny bracelet on her baby daughter’s fragile arms, as well as the son’s clothes.

Like we all know, what’s most important after such an experience is that no one was hurt. If something had happened to anyone, the material losses would have been the last thing on everyone’s mind. For that we are extremely grateful.
Lord, please protect us all...as it’s obvious no one else can.

Worrisome 'Moments with Mo'

2007-11-08T11:57:00.000+01:00

I had been looking forward to the show for a couple of weeks. I'm refering to 'Moments with Mo', the new talkshow by Mo Abudu which debuted on Mnet yesterday at 6pm. With the prior knowledge I had about this well-connected founder of Vic Lawrence Associates(recruitment specialists & consultants), I enthusiastically awaited the show’s imminent arrival. Her strategy of using the show as a platform to empower Nigerians/Africans & showcase the continent in a positive light, was also something that got me excited. The debut episode had ex-footballer/Deal or No Deal Presenter, John Fashanu & JJ Okocha’s wife, Nkechi as guests.Now, there were both fabulous. John told really nice stories about the ups & downs of life as a successful footballer,marriage,as well as his childhood years in the UK.Nkechi, on the other hand, discussed the paparazzi, desperate girls constantly chasing her husband,as well as the interesting way she & Okocha had met. Engaging indeed.

The set was also visually appealing with the nice background,cozy sofas & classy rug. So I’m sure you are saying: what a wonderful, new Nigerian talkshow ‘Moments with Mo’ is.Hold it right there. Not exactly up there yet,a la Oprah Winfrey & Tyra Banks-type quality. The key components of a successful talkshow aren't too many: great topics, exciting guests, an articulate host who asks the right questions, a nice set & the AUDIENCE.Yes, I purposely spelt that in capital letters. Simply because they were the ones who failed to make the grade in yesterday’s debut show.Yes, people are people but the audience looked scary.Like i was in Oshodi market.With all due respect, if I was amongst the lot, I would have been constantly checking to see if my phone was still in my pocket. They were not exactly n-sync with everything else about the premiere i.e.the general good quality of the hostess, guests, set, editing etc.The audience clapped for almost everything that was said by Mo, John & Nkechi.If Mr. Fashanu had said he was a terrorist, these guys would have clapped.Seriously.Here's a little tip: Clapping is meant for when a guest says something really interesting or moving that excites the audience. Not for every single word that comes out of their lips.

Also,did the fact that the topic was about footballers mean that half the crowd had to wear jerseys of almost every club under the sun?Haba.Naija.Worse still, when it was time to take audience questions, the 'shelling' was legendary. Not to add that those who got the brief spotlight to ask questions seemed confused & as out-of-place as a Pastor in a Strip bar.

Let’s remember that this show, impressively,is being broadcast in dozens of countries across the continent during a virtually primetime slot.6pm in the west,7 pm in SA,Kenya etc.Sadly, I know the entire 1st season has already been pre-recorded so there might not be much that can be done in that regard, but there’s an opportunity to correct this problematic key area as season 2’s recording starts this month. I’m optimistic that feedback would get to Mo’ soon before her crew’s cameras start rolling again.
Fingers crossed…actually, hands pressed together (in prayer mode).

The Best Things In Life Are Free

2007-11-06T12:07:00.001+01:00

It's funny how little things can trigger or inspire something else.This article was significantly induced by words from a rapper.More specifically,from a video by Kanye West.I was watching 'Good Life',his current single featuring T-Pain,when i observed it.Yes,as a fan of the Chicago rapper/producer,i've heard this track many times over on my ipod & tv,but some of the lyrics actually just dawned on me today.A line from one of kanye's verses in the hit song goes:'Having money isn't everything.Not having it is'.Hmmm.True,we know such a line's to be expected from an arrogant artiste who's nicknamed 'Louis Vuitton Don'.However,this got me thinking,especially as it relates to love etc.We've all heard at various times that the the best things in life are free.There are those who say that 'air' is the only thing that comes without a fee.Many true romantics claim that true love can't be bought.I also remember Eddie Murphy's popular comedy ''Coming to America'',in which he hides his actual wealth from a girl he liked,just to see if she truly loved him for him.As it was a Hollywood picture,it had a sweet ending as she genuinely fell in love with Mr. Murphy's wonderful,poor self and later discovered that he was actually the prince of a rich african king.Now,back to reality.Does that really happen in most societies? A rich guy marrying a girl who's probably drawn to him mainly for his cash has its own share of risk.How about if his wealth unfortunately evaporates,years into the marriage?Any guarantees she'll be there for richer or 'poorer' like she affectionately promised to on the wedding day?Will Smith's situation in the fact-based 'Pursuit of Happyness' is a tragic case study.
As we know,there have been cases where woman have married 'poor' men.Singer/actress Jennifer Lopez's short-lived marriage to her ex-dancer Chris Judd easily comes to mind.Although in that scenario,it was convenient for her to walk down the aisle since she was already a millionaire at the time.Truthfully,one can't tell how partners would react if rosy times suddenly turned drought-like.It's true that with money,the courtship/toasting is obviously easier as wining,dining,gifts & co. are catalysts for a 'faster' attraction between toaster and toastee.So is not having money a path to doomsday,romantically speaking?Or should a broke chap cut his coat according to his size(pardon my cruel analogy),i.e lower his taste?Yes,more times that not,the wealthy get hitched to beautiful partners,but are the hottest necessarily the best?Remember the adage 'don't judge a book by it's cover'.Well,i guess the debate can go on for years.
I know some who read this piece would be saying ''see the rubbish this 'poor' man is uttering''.

RE:D-Day Is Nigh

2007-11-05T09:08:00.000+01:00

Well,it's come and gone.However,i must confess that was one of the most tension-soaked 10 minutes i've ever had to endure in my many years of following the beautiful game.I'm refering to the time in between Ronaldo's goal & William Gallas' last gasp equaliser deep into injury time.Phew.Imagine if the frenchman hadn't scored,or worse still,if Darren Cann,the wonderful assistant referee hadn't noticed the ball was indeed way over the line.We would have had to endure months of taunting & abuse from man utd fans as well as a cynical,fairweather friend in the form of the british press.At least until April when the return fixture at Old Trafford is scheduled to take place.The mere thought of that is frightening enough.Even though it wasn't Arsenal at their ruthless & eye-catching best,we still preserved our unbeaten run this season.And more importantly,the north london side is still top of the league with a game in hand.Over a billion people watched the lunchtime clash on saturday and as i rightly predicted,it was full of drama.

How lucky those 60,000 people at the Emirates were.

D-Day Is Nigh

2007-11-02T09:27:00.000+01:00

People, it’s almost here. A little over 24 hrs away. The day many premiership faithfuls have been waiting for with indescribable anticipation.Similar in excitement to a kid’s first visit to Disneyland. It’s been dubbed 'The Clash of the Titans',for the umpteenth time. The title decider, some others have naively & prematurely termed it. Well, in case you’ve been in a coma the last couple of weeks, it’s Arsenal vs. Manchester United at the Emirates.Kick-off:1.45pm. Arguably the top 2 teams in the country, both are about to go head-to-head. The gunners, with an amazing start to the season, are at the summit of the standings, albeit by the marginal differentiating stat of ‘goals scored’. Who can forget the last time these two sides met in late January? On that Sunday evening, it was the ex-arsenal legend Henry’s blistering last-minute header that settled it, a catalyst for rapturous celebrations across North London.

Despite United’s sloppy start to this season's campaign, they’ve since bounced back to the traditional title-contending standards most premiership followers are used to, scoring 4 goals in each of their last 4 matches.Two key characters in tomorrow's masterpiece:Belarusian Aleksandr Hleb & Cesc Fabregas, Arsenal’s mercurial midfielder,who's been in sparkling form this season, scoring his 10th goal in last weekend’s mouth-watering battle against Liverpool. On the other side,the Rooney-Tevez duo have many Manchester United supporters excited, especially as they seem to have struck up a productive partnership in recent weeks. Can the Gunners, with the league’s deadliest attack, break down their arch-rival’s defence, currently the meanest in the land? One thing’s for sure, it promises to be an explosive & fascinating affair. As they say, time would tell.
Final note to the non-football loving ladies with partners: expect to lose your man’s attention for 2 hrs tomorrow…and a lot longer afterwards, if your guy’s a United supporter(wink).

And Then There Were 3

2007-10-30T09:36:00.000+01:00

Well,it's crunch time now.Time for millions of viewers across the continent to determine who would become the 2nd ever winner of the extremely popular reality tv show,BIg Brother Africa:a title that comes with a mouth-watering cash prize.What a huge difference 3 months can make.Who honestly would have thought,from the first couple of weeks,that the final 3 contestants would be richard,tatiana & our own ofunneka(whose selection many nigerians were initially disappointed in)?Not me anyway.I felt max & my birthday mate,Bertha would be almost certain finalists.

The show,as is usual with most reality-based concepts,gave viewers loads of entertainment,drama & an almost infinite doze of controversy,largely ensured by the 'interesting' relationship between Richard & Tatiana.I guess there are some lessons to be learnt from this year's show.For me,the key learning is:being humble & nice pays.Who can forget the weekly evictions of the unpleasant & inappropriately nicknamed,lerato-led 'untouchables',whom the viewers ensured left one after the other in a seemingly choreographed manner?To be honest,the road to these final 2 weeks hasn't been easy at all.

The housemates have endured numerous tasks,starvation,countless emotional moments and being confined in a bungalow with people they didn't necessarily like.All this crowned with no contact with the outside world,except the very few times they had guests.If you really think about it,that's no easy feat.The opportunity has now come for us to influence who walks away with the potentially life-changing $100,000 prize on Nov.11th.Well,i've started the process towards having a say in the outcome by sending my first batch of smses.Who did i vote for?

Here's an easy clue:my candidate & i share the same passport colour.

Brains & Race

2007-10-24T09:44:00.000+01:00

Every now and again, someone or something seems to stir up a bit of controversy. In this situation, it was sparked by a well-respected DNA pioneer & one-time Nobel Prize winner for Medicine, James Watson. The 79 yr old scientist had, in a recent interview with a British newspaper, insinuated that Africans are genetically not as smart as whites. Yes, exactly what he said.Expectedly, this ignited condemnation from all over the globe. As a result of those shocking remarks, Mr. Watson was suspended from a renowned U.S Laboratory where he served as chancellor. He also had to cancel his planned book tour, as well as a visit to London’s Science Museum where he was to deliver a sold-out lecture. Even though he’s since apologized for his obviously ‘un-wise’ remarks, there are still a lot of displeased people (particularly of African descent) out there. Well, here’s my brief take on his brave, but politically incorrect utterances. We all know that this continent is largely underdeveloped,economically & democratically, compared to our western counterparts and that’s a big chunk of the problem. We are victims of our environment. There’s a lot of poverty here which restricts proper educational advancement & consequently literacy levels.Let's not forget the impact of corruption as well.Funds meant for educational infrastructure etc are diverted into private pockets.Also, racism & bias worsens the situation as many educated Africans, say who schooled/live abroad, find it difficult to get good & fair growth/job opportunities,a key avenue for intellectual progression.

However, for Mr. Watson to claim that,because of one's dark skin color/ancestry,you are inherently dumber than the average white guy is grossly untrue & has no scientific evidence.
On a more worrisome note, if an intelligent Nobel Prize winner like James Watson could have made such remarks during a newspaper interview, who knows how many more share similar views like his?

Worrisome indeed.

O Timi,Where Art Thou?

2007-10-17T10:08:00.000+01:00

4 months & 3 weeks. That’s how long it’s been since that electric Saturday evening at Planet One, Ikeja.The occasion was the final show of the captivating, inaugural season of Idols West Africa. As a lover of music & talent, I had watched the show religiously over the several months it ran, right from the rib-cracking auditions at the start. So, with some connections, as well as a strong desire to personally witness which of the 2 Nigerian finalists would be crowned the first ever Idols West Africa champ, I was present at the immensely entertaining finale. I must admit, I had been a big supporter of Owamunmi’s.Like many others, I was impressed by the remarkable way she stepped up her game in the season’s closing weeks. It was obvious she wanted it badly. I also felt that she had the total package: physically attractive, great stage presence & a powerful personality.Timi, the show’s frontrunner, had an amazing, husky voice which constantly reminded me of nigerian-born singer, Lemar.
After lovely performances by both competitors that day, it was time to announce who came out tops.Timi Dakolo, the 26 yr old from Bayelsa was declared winner, the catalyst for deafening screams & mad celebration from his overwhelming no. of supporters. The people’s favorite had emerged tops with 63% of the votes, a victory that was accompanied by a lucrative recording deal with major label, BMG. In true Idols fashion, he had to perform his own show-closing song, the catchy & evidently appropriate ‘’I Love You’’.The crowd, myself included, went wild singing along to the appealing chorus, like Karaoke enthusiasts. As I drove home after such a memorable event, I was looking forward to hearing the potential hit played over & over again on the radio, with a video to match on several local & continental channels.
Well folks, I’m still waiting. I kid you not, I have not heard Timi’s song anywhere since the next day (i.e. Sunday, May 27th 2007) when the show was broadcast to millions across Africa via DSTV. In other countries where Idols has become almost culture-like, the record company granting the winner a contract quickly releases the artiste’s competition-ending song to various radio stations & record stores as a 1st single, with the album to follow months later. This strategy is wisely used to capitalize on the show's popularity & with the Idols winner still in the minds & hearts of the viewing audience, the speedy release is vital. Examples of this approach abound: Ruben Studdard, Fantasia & Kelly Clarkson in the US version & Will Young with chart-topper ‘Evergreen’ in the UK.Well, call me cynical, but fact is fact. Why must our own style be different? Over 140 days & not even airplay,talkless of a musical video on MTV Base or even ‘Nigezie’.True,The Idols Top 10 have been going on various road shows nationwide, aided by the show’s headline sponsor, but like the popular question goes ‘’na that one we go chop?’’
If I was the young man, I would demand to know, from either my publicist/manager (if any) or the record company execs, why ‘my progress is being stunted (unintentionally or not)’.After all, like he said in the opening line of the ‘I Love You’ track, 'I have a Dream…’
Ok,Mr Dakolo,grab it.

Scofield or Bauer?

2007-10-16T11:33:00.000+01:00

If you are a huge fan of TV shows like i am,chances are you're an ardent follower of '24' and/or 'Prison Break',two addictive american series that have gotten tv viewers hooked in the last couple of years.These innovative shows,with powerful & crafty scripts, are focused primarily on 2 special characters:Heavily-tatooed Michael Scofield in the conspiracy-fueled 'Break' & Jack Bauer in terrorism-themed drama,'24'.Scofield is the calm,intelligent schemer who never panics & always comes up with a plan.Jack,on the other hand,is the patriotic govt. agent who packs energy like that of a Boeing 747's engines,has a cellphone with miraculous battery life & has even woken up from the dead before(well,sort of).So,if you were ever faced with a life-threatening situation,which of these 2 cape-less 'superheroes' would you wish was right beside you?Scofield or Bauer?Comments please,if any.

My Top Ten

2007-10-15T10:06:00.000+01:00

Today,I decided to do something different. I was watching an interview with a multinational company’s CEO on CNN the other day.During the chat,the reporter asked the gentleman who his most inspirational people were. Now,this simple (but deep) question got me thinking. Who’ll make my own list?Well,I’ve decided to share my top 10 names with you(in no particular order).As you’ll notice, they are individuals from different works of life, but they all constantly inspire me.
Nelson Mandela:
A man who was convicted for his anti-apartheid struggle and sent to prison for 27 yrs.After his release, he ruled his nation for one term (voluntarily) & forgave everyone who wronged him. Today, he’s adored & respected by many all over the planet. That says it all.

Oprah Winfrey:
The 53 yr old Mississippi-born multi-award winning host of the globally famous Oprah Winfrey Show.Oprah was born into a poverty-stricken family,raised by her grandmother & sexually abused by some of her family members.Today,she’s worth $2.5 billion making her the planet’s only black billionaire(in US dollars).

R.Kelly:
The Grammy-award winning Chicago native who,just 17 yrs ago,was screaming his lungs out with fellow group-mates after winning a $25,000 talent contest.Today,despite his recent controversial legal woes, the self-acclaimed ‘King of R&B’ is a respected multi-millionaire singer, songwriter, producer & multi-instrumentalist who’s been consistent in the music industry for the last 16 yrs.

JFK:
America’s 35th president (& one of its most popular) who was shockingly assassinated just 2 yrs into his presidency in Texas, by unknown gunmen. Up till this very day, conspiracy theorists still ponder over who was responsible for his untimely demise.Mr Kennedy was 46 when he passed.

Princess Diana:
It’s been over 10 yrs since that unfortunate Sunday, yet she still makes today’s headlines. Diana was kind, humble, beautiful & loved by millions across the globe. Easily the most popular princess the world has ever had.

Will Smith:
The rapper-turned-actor from Philadelphia who,despite his $20 million per movie paycheck,has managed to stay grounded, away from controversy & well-shielded from the media’s intense scrutiny.Currently,the Oscar-nominated & grammy award-winning artist is Hollywood’s most bankable actor with 7 consecutive smash hit movies & last starred in ‘’The Pursuit of Happyness’’,one of cinema’s most tear-inducing films.

Roger Federer:
The 26 yr old Swiss tennis player/philanthropist (with a South African mother) has been the world’s no. 1 for over 3 & a half yrs,has won 12 Grand Slam Singles titles & is poised to become the greatest player ever to grace a tennis court.

Michael Jackson:
The controversial King of Pop whose masterpiece ‘Thriller’ became the 1st album in history to spawn 7 US Top 10 hit singles, and is the world’s biggest selling album ever with over 104 million records sold to date. Need I say more?

Denzel Washington:
An incredible, humble African-American actor from NY with 5 Oscars nominations (& 2 wins) who, in my own view, can never make a bad film. When asked, by a reporter in a recent interview, why he wears a $60 dollar Timex watch despite his millions in wealth, he simply responded ‘’It tells the time, doesn’t it?’’.

George Akamiokhor:
A hardworking gentleman from Etsako East L.G.A in Edo State who, despite rising from absolute poverty to helm a major FG parastatal for 17 yrs,stayed principled & refused to loot despite obvious temptation. Today,his many years of service & dedication has evidently paid off in the nigerian capital market(even though he never got to see it for himself). I think somewhere in the Bible says ‘’A good name is worth more than silver & gold’’.How true, dad.

Is Success Now A Crime?

2007-10-09T10:19:00.000+01:00

The nigerian music scene has blown up over the last few years. Within the period,a countless array of artistes have sprung up with innovative, original songs that have been prominently featured on many radio & nightclub playlists, alongside american singers & rappers. For me, the special thing about this musical revolution is the fact that our musicians have become original with the lyrics, beats & general vibe in their tracks. One artiste at the forefront of this remarkable crusade is 2face Idibia, an ex-member of male group, Plantashun Boiz.Mr Idibia, with 2 critically acclaimed(& commercially successful) albums under his belt, has clearly become a favorite amongst many Nigerians for his impressive vocals & catchy, anthemic tracks. His tall frame & good looks have also drawn him to many female admirers across the nation (& the continent in general).This MTV Europe Award winner also has the admirable record of being the first artiste to have a music video (African Queen) played on MTV Base Africa. With 2face’s commercial success, his financial status predictably changed.So it was based on this that,2yrs ago in his Festac residence, men of the underworld decided to pay the hardworking musical icon a late night visit. This happened shortly after returning from Portugal where he had just received the newly introduced ‘Best African Act’ accolade due to the tremendous success of his debut solo album,'Face To Face’. The naïve crooks had probably assumed that 2face’s MTV award came with a hefty cash price which he had stored at home. Displeased with the unfruitfulness of their mission, the airheads decided to leave the young man with some physical injuries before they fled.
Fast forward time to Thursday Oct 4th, 2007.A lot has happened, career-wise, for this hugely talented crooner since that unfortunate night in Festac Town. He’s released another classic CD, Grass 2 Grace, which spun various hits like ‘For Instance’ & the nightclub special ‘See Me So’. He’s also firmly shown consistency with his vocal gift, become a household name & expectedly increased his bank balance. On this Thursday night, the one-time barber had just returned from the UK, where he had collected the MOBO Award for ‘Best African Act’. He was on his way home from the international airport when bad boys came calling once more. This time, they seemed more desperate and shot him in the thigh while he was trying to make a life-saving getaway. Apparently, word must have spread, possibly from an insider, that our musical ambassador was returning from London.Again, the robbers probably believed that he had thousands of British pounds in his possession.
The extremely lucky gentleman is currently recuperating at a renowned Victoria Island hospital where he’s being treated for his gunshot wounds.At this rate, it wouldn’t be surprising if he decides to relocate to a sane neighboring country like Ghana in the near future.As a massive fan of the guy’s musical ability, I wish him a speedy recovery & look forward to many more addictive CDs from this multi-award winner.

On the other hand, I have a gut feeling that Mr.Idibia’s insurance premium has just gone up.

The Party Animals We Are

2007-10-06T11:18:00.000+01:00

Nigerians love to party.Actually,most do. Give us a hot, infectious beat & our feet would do the rest. In a recent trip to SA, all I heard from people I met was how our people loved to rock. This was quite flattering coming from a society where clubbing is taken quite seriously as well. In Naija, a track could contain lyrics inciting terrorism but people won’t mind,as long as they could boogie down to the song’s catchy beats.
Back in my university days, weekend partying was something that came naturally for many students regardless of social affiliations. Whether one belonged to a club or cult (or just plain neutral like yours truly), people looked forward to the next rave or Bachelor’s Eve happening in town.
There was one such party in Apapa during the semester that many undergrads had flocked to, in presidential convoy-style. It was at a massive staff club that belonged to a major oil company. By 1 a.m, the groove was in full swing, largely aided by the steady flow of drinks that ensured everyone had involuntarily loosened up, as well as the slamming tracks being spun by the party's hired DJ.
One of the hottest songs at the time was Kirk Franklin’s 'Stomp', a catchy tune that happened to be the 1st gospel video ever played on popular music channel,MTV.Mr Franklin had, in various interviews, stated that he wanted 'Stomp' to be extremely funky so as to attract music-obsessed youths to the spiritual message within.
Now, the crowd at this hot Friday night bash had just gone wild over Biggie’s no.1 hit,’Mo Money,Mo Problems’ when the guy at the turntables decided to introduce ‘Stomp’.Expectedly,the rocking on the dance floor continued seamlessly.I,however, noticed a guy & girl rocking just beside me. As Kirk was belting out his passion-infused lyrics through the powerful speakers, this girl was gyrating around her partner. They started dancing erotically like salsa champions. For me, I got a little bit uncomfortable. I couldn’t ignore the fact that I had just seen them ‘sinfully’ wind to the ‘Jesus your love is so, is so amazing’ portion of the hit track.
I systematically shifted away from the 'immoral' duo (with my own dance partner in tow), for fear of being caught by the lightning that was likely to strike them from above, for their physically blasphemous conduct. The couple’s stomping seemed endless and more erotic with each passing second, not helped by the fact that the DJ was spinning the extended mix of the song that featured Salt of female rap group, Salt n Pepa. True,the track was clearly made to be moved to.However,i doubt it was intended to get 2 intoxicated individuals so close together that they could be mistaken for siamese twins.
Luckily, the 2(& every other culprit on the floor,i guess)were spared imminent fatality as Puff Daddy's ‘Can't Nobody Hold Me Down’ was next to follow.
In subsequent years,more catchy gospel-laced jams,such as Mary Mary’s ‘Shackles(Praise You)’ & Winans Phase 2’s 'Send Me’ have featured in many DJs’ party playlists.Simply because they were sweet, funky tracks that partygoers & clubbers were destined to physically get down to, regardless of the spiritual theme.
Now,i may be wrong but something tells me that wasn’t exactly what Kirk Frankin & co. had in mind.

Genevieve,a VI Supermarket & I

2007-09-30T23:17:00.000+01:00

You see,I'm not a big fan of nigerian home videos.Most times,i watch them simply to criticise & laugh at the dodgy acting.I must confess that i also enjoy watching those 2 popular,little actors who can almost literally crack your ribs with their consistently hilarious roles.However,whenever my channel flipping on DSTV took me to Africa Magic(the abode of nollywood movies),one thing was certain to make me stay to view for a while.Actually,one person.Genevieve Nnaji,one of nollywood's most popular & beautiful actresses.If Miss Nnaji was starring in the movie been screened at the time,i was sure to watch it for at least 10 mins.I guess,from this,it's obvious that i like her.Yes,i admit.I always have.From the first couple of movies i saw her in,i became drawn.Why?Well,she's cute,determined,hard-working,doing great as a single mum & so on.I even bought her disastrous debut CD,in which she comically tried her hands at singing.Now,it'll be of no surprise to you that i would have seized any opportunity to meet her.I had seen her from a distance at a fashion show my company sponsored 3 yrs ago,but that was the closest i got.

So,about a month ago,i was in VI on my way to join some friends for drinks when i decided to quickly stop at a well-known supermarket near the Mega Plaza mall,for some urgently needed toiletries.

I was scanning through the shelves when i turned round to see the one & only 'Queen of Nollywood' right behind me.Genevieve,in the flesh-up close and personal.Just 2 feet away,looking at some facial products.I froze.Miss Nnaji was right in front of me,but i did nothing.She even stole a glance as she moved over to my shelf in continuation of her shopping activity.As a typical naija citizen,i inexplicably acted as if i didnt know her.Like she was just any 'ok-looking' female in brown shorts & a yellow tank top.I stole glances intermittently,but that's where my bravery stopped.After she picked up what she wanted,my eyes escorted her to the till like Secret Service men on President Bush.I then noticed that the female cashier was star-struck.She kept smiling sheepishly at the petite home video star.By now,so too were half the people in the store who had clearly recognised her.Shoppers & workers alike.She smiled back at the visually excited cashier,paid for her stuff & left.

Can you imagine?Genevieve was 20 inches in front of me & i didn't say a single word(or even an alphabet for that matter).Nothing.Why didn't i at least say hello?Or just say 'Hi,I'm a big fan of your work'?Or ask how her daughter was doing?

I guess it's true what they say.There are more questions than answers.

The Fuss Over Facebook

2007-09-28T09:44:00.000+01:00

Looking for that buddy of yours from primary school who hasn't been seen in over 2 decades?Or wonder what the long-lost eye candy from your early teen days finally did with her life?You don't have to hire a private detective to help quell your curiousity.Chances are you could get those answers from Facebook,the enormously popular(& addictive)social networking site that comes complete with pictures of friends & foes.The madness over this site has caught on big time amongst young Nigerians & millions across the globe.It's quite surprising that it's only been in existence for a little over 3 yrs.

This great idea was conceived by 23-yr old Mark Zuckerberg(in picture),an ex-Harvard student who wanted to create a virtual place for his fellow students to network & communicate with ease.It eventually spread to other Ivy League schools in the States,after which institutions in other continents got involved.A year ago,the owners decided to make it available to everyone on the planet with a valid email adress,prompting protests from existing users who knew it's 'exclusivity' status was potentially over .With that decision,the craze took off.There are about 40 million registered users today and the online company makes over $100m annually through advertising.

On Facebook,users can join hundreds of networks,share photos with friends,post articles & videos,exchange views,virtual gifts & basically interact with each other constantly,irrespective of location.Currently,an average of 8.5 million pictures are uploaded onto the site daily & many can't pass through a single day without visiting the website.

Just last week,Microsoft was rumored to be offering $500m for a 5% stake in the business.I guess that sums it all up.

Facebook.As addictive as cocaine,but as sweet as Mother Theresa.

This Thing Called Lagos Traffic

2007-09-24T16:50:00.000+01:00

The passage of people or vehicles along routes of transportation. In case you are wondering,that’s freedictionary.com's definition of traffic. Well, for me, the meaning is somewhat different in lagos.Specifically, it’s more like 'the daily hell lagosians go through on the city's roads’.
What has gone so drastically wrong? In the last couple of weeks, traffic in the nation’s commercial capital has been monumental.
Only a naïve individual can today give an accurate Estimated Time of Arrival for his/her journey (from one destination to another)in our dear Eko.Every foreigner who's been here rightly accords it with the undisputed title of ''universal champ''in this regard.
Recently, a friend of mine likened lagos to New York in America. I largely agree, from the perspective of 'daily hustle & bustle, huge population & diversity of its residents'. However, the major distinction between the Big Apple & Lagos is this: there are alternative & effective means of transportation over there e.g. trains.
The reasons behind the current madness in the nation’s ex-capital are quite obvious & seemingly endless. Overpopulation in relation to habitable landmass,overwhelming inbound migration,bad roads,disregard of basic traffic rules, no efficient/alternative transportation options, the shockingly unwise BRT lanes, significant volume of businesses setting up in one particular area of the state as well as lack of govt. commitment to strictly comply with residential /commercial masterplans.Even the State Govt's agency,LASTMA,seems to have psychologically given up.

Gosh,I miss the 80s.I grew up living on the island during my dad’s public servant days. Every weekday then was like a Sunday, movement-wise. You could drive from Ahmadu Bello Way, V.I to say, Church of Assumption, Falomo in 5 mins.Fact.Not with an okada, guys.These days,one's fortunate to make it in less than an hr on a Monday or Tuesday.

To add insult to injury, the previously sweet Saturday has now joined its cousins (i.e. Monday-Friday) in this notoriety. A drive from Dolphin to VI on Saturdays can keep you on the road for 2 hrs.The only respite most lagosians enjoy at the moment are on Sundays. Not being intentionally cynical, I fear that this lone day of sanity would soon disappear with the way our dear city is going.
Most people(smartly)don’t leave their homes till Saturday evenings nowadays.However, what of those who have weddings, mechanic visits, important appointments,shopping etc during the day?
I must also mention that some areas are considerably worse than others.Lekki & infamous VI easily come to most minds.
I heard there’s a ferry that currently takes people (& their vehicles) from lekki to some other part of the city but that’s another safety risk that personally, I’m not ready to take. I’d rather be pissed off in a standstill than risk drowning.

Seriously,even developed countries experience traffic but at least there are efficient alternatives. Even when the situation gets really bad, you can see clear efforts by the authorities to urgently address them.

People, when would we ever get to the promised land?

Now Those Were 'Good Times'

2007-09-20T21:05:00.002+01:00

I love tv.People close to me can easily attest to this.Actually,most of us do.There's something captivating about being visually entertained with diverse programming.TV must rank amongst mankind's greatest inventions(along with planes & the internet,of course).

Now,I was about to write a completely different article this evening when i decided to quickly see what was airing on Hitv.I had subscribed to this cable company,in addition to my existing relationship with dstv,because of Multichoice's loss of exclusive English premiership rights this season.

Although there were no scheduled football matches,i was curious to see what else was showing on the non-sport channels.While channel flipping,i came across an episode of the hit 70s show 'Good times'.Yes,'Good times'.The show about a struggling,but hilarious african-american family that many grew up watching.Remember JJ,the tall,lanky clown of the house?And then there was Esther,the matriach & moral pillar of the Evans family who passed away in 1998.James(John Amos) was the father who kept having difficulty making ends meet for the family.Things were so bad that they were always eating oatmeal,to JJ's constant displeasure.This show educated me on oatmeal's(aka Quaker Oats) association with poverty in america.

I watched this episode on Hitv like i was in a trance.I hadn't been this glued since watching Beyonce perform at last year's Thisday concert.It felt so good to see their 'hot' first daughter again,mock the dodgy old-school clothes & hear those hilarious jokes.And of course,absorb the moral message which the scriptwriters unfailingly embedded in each episode,which simply was:no matter a family's bad situation,always stay strong,have faith, be united & morally grounded.

By the time the closing credits were being posted on my screen(there was no scrolling technology then),my eyes had started to water.Why?It had reminded me of those days,back in the 80s.The good old days when life was so much fun,dad was still very much around & all i seemingly had to do then was eat,play,sleep & do homework.Nostalgia is such a pleasant experience.It's like having a sweet dream or mentally escaping to a special place for some time.

I also enjoyed the show's theme song:''Good times..temporary layoff..good times..easy credit rip-offs..''

Wow.Those were good times indeed.

A Dozen Indomie Packs For Dinner

2007-09-17T16:11:00.000+01:00

Now this was an unusual evening.Simply because ordinarily,i would have sent my gateman to get it.Get what,you might ponder?Indomie Noodles,Nigeria's favorite & arguably cheapest meal.Enjoyed by both rich & poor.Easy & quick to prepare as well.

On that thursday night,i was in the mood for this national bestseller.Like i said,i would have sent Bashiru,the pleasant car-washing custodian of my compound's gate.

Instead,i decided to stroll.This was because,sadly,i hadn't done any exercise in a long while.Even my dust-coated cycler could attest to this fact.

So i said to myself: Use this opportunity to walk & stress your legs,albeit for a 60 metre distance.

I ended up in a provisions-stocked corner shop two streets away.Now,the reason i went this far was because i was trying to seem like a 'serious stroller'.This was less embarassing than exercising only to the mallam's kiosk about 10 steps from my house.So i decided to patronise a store farther away from home.

When i got to the indomie store,i noticed this little girl sitting all alone.She couldn't have been older than 5 yrs old.Seriously.From her look & stature,anyway.I looked around,my eyes searching for this kid's mum whom i was sure was somewhere around.No one else in sight.

''Uncle,what are you buying?'' abruptly halted the strain on my roving retinas.

My surprise,was replaced with an involuntary smile.This cute kid was kept in charge of this gigantic(well,in her eyes)store with hundreds of items.The pressure she felt must have been like that on a newly appointed CEO in a failing company nearing extinction.Wow.However,she looked very confident.

I suspended my thoughts to answer.'Chicken flavour?',this self-assured mini CEO continued.

Her questions showed no sign of easing up as she asked the following ''How many,uncle?'',''What of eggs?''

I was almost in laughter,watching this confident store manager.I then thought to myself.If this was,say the States, her mum would have been behind bars on charges of child labour,neglect etc & I for suspected paedophilia.

But in our dear nation,it's perfectly normal to the vast majority of citizens.It's probably regarded as ''infant empowerment''in many homes.We don't even give a 2nd glance to(or stare in surprise at)kids on our streets selling oranges,washing windscreens etc.I know the general view is that it's due to poverty,but it has simply become culture for most.

Well,back to the baby entrepreneur.I was so impressed with this kid's marketing & managerial skills that i decided to buy a dozen packs,instead of 2 as i originally planned.

Chicken flavour,of course.

At Your Service

2007-09-13T20:47:00.000+01:00

The world today,is a global village.Without a doubt,that's largely a good thing.Through technology,the internet,satellite tv etc we are constantly kept abreast of what transpires in other developed,advanced countries.Be it daily news,global culture,best practice or general goings-on, someone in abuja is today as well-informed as another in San Francisco.

As such,best practice & behaviorial patterns in 'modern' nations are usually mirrored by those in developing countries.

One such replication can be found in our service industry(particularly in the restaurant/bar business).This is understandable since the 'reputable' customer care experienced in western societies is something all sane service-oriented businesses constantly aspire for.This brings me to my observation a couple of weeks ago.

I was at one of my favourite Island joints,having drinks with some friends on a friday evening.

A girl with an obvious american accent was sitting with a gentleman at a table just beside ours.Apparently,they had ordered for a bottle of red wine.The waiter,on his return with the requested order,had opened the wine and poured a little into the lady's glass.To my surprise,he stood upright,evidently waiting for the lady to take a sip first,before pouring further.The reason i was astonished was because this only happens in western countries.The explanation behind this in foreign restaurants is simple:The restaurant/bar owners are so confident in their wines' quality that the waiters pour a little into the customer's glass so they(customer) can assess the wine first.If the guest isn't pleased,the wine is immediately returned 'unbilled'(notwithstanding it's opened state) & replaced with another,if the customer so desires.

My pleasant surprise was short-lived though, as a result of what occurred next.The lady,probably to test the seriousness of the joint's seemingly impressive gesture,took a sip & spontaneously told the waiter that she didn't like the wine & so couldn't accept the bottle.

My words can't accurately describe the perplexed,helpless look on the waiter's face.He was,in one word,confused.''But madam,i've already opened the bottle'' was finally blurted out through the guy's shaking lips.

At this point,i was tempted to rudely get involved in this comedic drama.However,the lady spared me the effrontery.''But why did you give me to taste first,if my view of the wine was of no consequence?''she responded.

I would have paid money to hear the gentlemen's reply,but as was realistically expected,he was speechless.It took the lady's male friend's plea to get her to accept the bottle,to the waiter's enormous relief.

A few times after that(even at the same joint)when i've been in the mood for wine,waiters who served me still did the exact same thing i.e. waiting for my approval of the wine first,before they pour further.

I just tell them ''please fill the glass,my friend.What's the point when i can't reject the bottle,even if it tasted like cough syrup?''

Fellow countrymen,if we must imitate,let's go the whole 9 yards.Not 50%.

And The Winner Is...

2007-09-11T09:37:00.001+01:00

Sept 11th.A date that many around the world would never forget.The day America was humbled by terrorists.Although today marks the 6th anniversary of that terrible tuesday in New York & Washington,it would also be remembered for something less life-changing,but still significant to many.Well,to hip-hop lovers & music fans in general.

Hip-hop heavyweights 50 Cent & rapper/producer Kanye West both release their eagerly anticipated,third CDs today.And everyone wants to know who'll come out tops,sales-wise.

50 Cent has even gone on record to say that he'll retire from doing solo albums if Kanye's 'Graduation' CD outsells 'Curtis',his self-titled album.

Both gentlemen also make front cover of acclaimed mag,Rolling Stone 's current issue,posing like boxers a la Ali & Frazier back in the day.This has only helped to fuel the excitement & anticipation across the music industry.

Clearly,50 has sold more records than Kanye,largely assisted by huge club hits like 'In da Club' &'Candy Shop' while Kanye is a 6-time grammy winner who's critically acclaimed for his creativity & production skills.

Vocally,i feel 50 cent has an edge but Mr.West has gained valuable first-hand tips while producing countless hits for label mate & close friend,Jay Z.Also,his innovative style earns him priceless respect from critics as well as peers.

They both have a huge fan base & are viewed by many to have taken arrogance to new heights.To buttress this fact,Kanye's nickname is 'Louis Vuitton Don',while 50 can hardly record a track without the words 'money' or 'bank' in its content.

The weekly album sales figures are to be released by music chart mag,Billboard,next week wednesday.

Now that's a date the music world(including Kanye & 50,of course)can hardly wait for.

Nigeria's Most Dangerous Road?

2007-09-10T10:09:00.000+01:00

Yes, many may know this already but i'll mention it once more.Lekki Expressway is the most dangerous road in Nigeria.Personally,i've lost count of the number of armed robbery cases that occur on this infamous stretch of sand,gravel & tar.

There are 2 major contributing factors to it being a highly lucrative location for criminals.Lack of street lights & horrendous traffic.

Just yesterday,a colleague of mine witnessed(live,not hearsay)an attempted robbery of a man in a jeep between the 1st & 2nd roundabout around 7.30pm.In fact,this happened just 2 cars in front of hers.She was stuck in traffic while on her way to Ikoyi after visiting a friend in inner lekki,when she noticed a guy wearing a long trenchcoat,with a bowler hat to match.The strangely dressed individual walked up to the jeep,said a few words & in what seemed like a split second,shot at the jeep's driver-side window with the previously concealed weapon.Just as she attempted to reverse,another suspicious-looking dude started tapping at her window.She immediately swerved out of her lane,climbed the curvette in desperation & made a fortuitous getaway.As she hustled her way out of the chaos,she heard another shot & noticed blood splattered all over the jeep's side window,with the door flung open.

She told me this morning that her friends in lekki,who gave her temporary refuge after the heart-wrenching experience, heard today that the guy in the jeep had died from his gunshot wounds.Just like that.For driving on a sunday evening.

Personally,i've never witnessed an armed robbery attack & i pray to the Almighty that i never do.

Due to lekki's recent notoriety,i can count on one hand,the number of times i've been to the Palms(i used to patronise Newscafe & Shoprite) in the last 3 months.

It's still baffling that an area which has hundred of thousands of residents(including many affluent ones),as well as the nation's biggest mall,still doesn't have common streetlights on its major passageway.Also troubling is the fact that this massive residential area has only one entry & exit road.Yes,One.Obviously,constant daily traffic on both sides of the dual carriageway is bound to persist.

I agree that the road expansion project,currently in snail speed progress,would help but i feel lighting the entire span of the expressway can be undertaken & completed in a short span of time as a quick win.

Before i forget,i'll like to say congrats to Lekki Expressway for easily taking the 'most notorious road' title away from Osbourne road,Ikoyi.

On a more serious note,I worry for lekki residents(sis & brother-in-law inclusive),particularly those who due to their occupation etc,have no choice but to be stuck in traffic there both morning & night.Godspeed.

Richard,Remember Your Vows

2007-09-08T20:05:00.000+01:00

This year's Big Brother Africa was different right from the very start.One obvious aspect was with the marital status of one of this edition's housemates.Richard,the 24-yr old Tanzanian representive,is married to a Canadian.Now,due to this unprecedented situation,i had expected the dreadlocked dude to be a strong contender for the 'most boring housemate' award.How wrong I was.

Richard has,to the surprise of many,started a very interesting physical & emotional relationship with the Angolan model,Tatiana.This has definitely stunned a lot of viewers due to the blatant display of affection by the duo,despite Richard's lifelong commitment with his north american partner.

Some of my friends doubt that he's actually married & believe it was just a made-up story,probably done to make him a more interesting candidate.

Everytime i watch Richard hugging,caressing & saying sweet words to Tatiana,i think of his dear wife.She must be in agony,irrespective of the $100,000 her hubby stands a chance of winning.Another Big Brother fan said she feels the only way Richard's wife could forgive him is if he comes home with the money.

Well,the little i know of caucasian women is that most of them can't stand infidelity,particularly when flaunted in their face(& those of millions,in this case).I've heard of women divorcing their hubby at the slightest boundary crossing.

I actually feel that Richard's thought about this carefully.He clearly fancies tatiana & knows he could tell his wife later that he did it as a strategy to entice viewers to keep him in the house till the very end.However,even if this was indeed his gameplan,it must be tough for any spouse to see her partner getting cosy with a 'hot' chick on international tv.

Richard,you better think long & hard about the special story you'll tell madam when you leave the house,or you might be hearing from a divorce lawyer soon.

Madness at Murtala Muhammed

2007-09-07T17:36:00.000+01:00

I had heard it last week from a colleague who had seen off her sister going to the UK.She said the queues passengers went through at the international airport was horrific.My thought at the time was that this was a one-off,which was probably caused by a unique problem or lapse that particular day.

Well,after taking my mum to the airport last weekend,i now know this seems to be a standard,everyday situation.I could barely believe my eyes.After my mother had checked in,we proceeded to the entry point for travellers.There were 2 queues,each spreading in opposite directions like a bull's horns.It was unbelievably long.After staying on what seemed like the better queue for a few minutes,my mum had to go & meet the female immigration officer manning the fast track area(used only by airline crew & first class passengers).

My mum cleverly pleaded with the lady,telling her that she was not feeling well.This ploy worked,especially as my mum looked like the grandmum of 3 she is.

It wasn't smooth sailing from hereon though as the so-called 'fast track' section had a queue of its own,although this was much more tolerable.

Murtala Muhammed International airport was commissioned by OBJ in 1977(during his 1st stint as Nigeria's leader).At the time,there were only a handful of international airlines plying the lagos route.Now,we have close to 30 in operation.Also,the signicant economic & population growth of the nation's capital in the last 30 yrs can't be easily quantified.Based on these,it's strange that the FG has not seen the need to expand the Lagos airport in light of clearly evident changes & demand.

Nigerians are travelling in much larger numbers now,than in 1977 when the airport was opened.

So it was with glee (& a bit of cynicism) that i read the news some days ago,quoting the new aviation minister.Mrs Allison-Madueke made a commitment,while visiting the airport,stating that govt was going to urgently undertake a major expansion at Murtala Muhammed.

As usual,we are reacting to a problem instead of been proactive & forward-thinking.

Well,better late than never,right?

Remove That Sticker

2007-09-07T09:17:00.000+01:00

If you are one of many lagosians who have the Nigerian Police Force stickers bravely stuck on your car's windscreen,i advise you take it off immediately(if you are not a cop,that is).The state's police commissioner,at a press conference yesterday,informed motorists that it's illegal for a non-policeman or vehicle to continue to display the sticker.

Since this is Naija,a lot of car owners had obtained this sticker in the past as a way of avoiding 'disturbance' at checkpoints,by our beloved men in black.Someone even said a couple of months ago that he got the sticker to help ward off potential criminals.His logic was that men of the underworld wouldn't want to steal a 'policeman's' vehicle.

Well,from the state police command's warning yesterday,i advise those with these stickers adorning their cars to quickly get them off,or be prepared to face the 'full wrath of the law'.That,i'm sure,won't be pretty.

Too Hot To Fly

2007-09-07T08:40:00.000+01:00

A 23 yr old female passenger was at the centre of controversy recently on a Southwest airlines flight to Tulsa,Oklahoma.Apparently,another passenger had expressed his/her displeasure to the flight crew,about the 'sexy' clothes the lady had on.The 'badly dressed' lady was wearing a miniskirt,tank top & a trendy little sweater on top.As this happened prior to takeoff, a flight attendant walked up to the lady asking her to do the needful.This included pulling down her skirt,raising her top up & reading a manual on proper dressing.The young lady embarassingly complied,after which the airline started its scheduled flight.

Now the passenger wants a simple apology,especially as she felt her clothes weren't scandalous.

The airline says it asked her to conform due to complaints received after passengers had boarded.

Now,the age old question.What exactly is the actual definition of decent dressing?

Bizarre indeed.Well,only in America.

The Frenchman Stays

2007-09-07T08:12:00.000+01:00

It's been the worst kept secret all through this week.Arsenal's most successful manager,Monsieur Arsene Wenger,is about to sign a new 3 yr contract(valued at $8 million dollars/annum) which would keep him at the north london club till the summer of 2011,at the very least.Wenger,who's been with the club for 11 years,has certainly been the major force behind the Gunners unique style of attacking football that's become the envy of most soccer enthusiasts.His shrewd nature in the acquisition of players at bargain fees was a skill that delighted most football club accountants,especially those at Arsenal FC.

Undoubtedly,his most influential purchase was that of the mercurial Thierry Henry,Arsenal's record goalscorer who departed for the spanish city of Barcelona this summer.

Wenger's future at the club had been in considerable doubt given the sudden departure of his close friend David Dein,the club's vice chairman,who resigned over a disagreement with board members on new investors.

It seems Wenger is staying for one major reason:He's invested a lot of time & energy in building an exciting,young team with a lot of ability & promise.Naturally,in his fatherlike nature,that is difficult to let go of,especially when all that effort is about to bring the anticipated results.

Thank you for staying,Arsene.Personally,I couldn't imagine life at the Emirates without you.

Apple Does It Again?

2007-09-06T13:32:00.000+01:00

Are you one of the 100 million owners of the technological marvel we humans call the Ipod?Well,if you aren't,i'm sorry.Luckily,i am..and i've been hooked ever since i bought the mini 2 years ago.My current version is the 30GB video Ipod.To be able to have thousands of songs(& videos) in one portable device,at any time,is truly exciting.Also,the fact that your favorite tunes would never wear or lose quality like tracks on CDs,is also something to attract fellow music lovers.I,as well as my ex-boss,have many Ipod accessories in my posession.The speaker system & Itrip car device(which allows for in-car enjoyment) seem heaven-sent.

Due to my obvious love for this gadget,i waited with immense anticipation for news on the media event Apple CEO Steve Jobs had invited journalists to,in San Francisco yesterday.Apple were about to launch their new range of ipods.

The obvious flagship of the new range of ipods is the ipod touch,a touchscreen 3.5-inch screen music/video player with Wifi capability which gives users unprecendented access to Itunes on the device.

However,the ipod Touch comes only in 8GB & 16GB versions & looks similar to the recently launched summer smash,the Iphone.This seems to have infuriated a lot of ipod fanatics who feel that the capacity the Touch comes with isn't enough to contain their music library,let alone music videos & movies.However,like Nokia bosses strategically do,i'm sure they(Apple) purposely released this evidently-inadequate capacity now,with a plan to launch an 80 or 100GB version in the near future,which would be received with mouth-watering anticipation.

Well,for me,i look forward to seeing the Ipod touch.Who knows?It could be an early Xmas present to myself.

Pavarotti Says Farewell

2007-09-06T12:27:00.000+01:00

Luciano Pavarotti,renowned tenor, died in the early hours of this morning from pancreatic cancer,aged 71.Now,i'm not a huge fan of opera/classical music,but i,along with millions of others across the globe,knew this larger than life personality from Modena,Italy.From the brief research i did on him last night(when i heard his condition had seriously deteriorated),one thing was quite evident.He was a very kind & philantrophic man who was always giving to charity & the less-privileged.Even till his demise,we gather from his manager's released statement,he still had a positive attitude to life.

His career spanned 5 decades,with worldwide album sales of over 100 million copies.He was involved in controversy some years ago when he married his secretary shortly after divorcing his wife of many years.He had 3 grown daughters from his first marriage & an adorable daughter from his 2nd.

Luciano was clearly legendary and would surely be missed by the music industry in general.I gather police in his hometown of Modena had to be called in this morning to control the rapidly growing crowd of mourners & fans gathered outside his home,where he passed away.That says it all.

Rest in peace,Mr Pavarotti.

Diana:My Princess

2007-09-06T11:44:00.000+01:00

I remember that Sunday morning like it was yesterday. August 31st 1997.I had woken up at 7.10am a bit surprised. My dad had, for many months, woken me up at 7am prompt to get ready for the 8am mass. This was necessary because I always went to bed very late on Saturdays.However, on this occasion, I woke up without hearing my dad’s usual ‘Charlie, wake up. Get ready for Church’ substituting as an alarm clock. As I dragged my feet to the bathroom, I passed the living room only to see my father through the slightly ajar door. He was sitting glued to the TV, watching CNN.That was quite strange as, on Sunday mornings, he didn’t have time to watch the news prior to church service. I opened the door to greet him, only to see the ‘Breaking News’ message scrolling across the TV screen. DIANA, Princess of Wales, had died.
I froze. Diana, DEAD? How?When?Why? Did God approve it? I joined my dad in his glued state, to get more information. She had been involved in a crash within a Paris tunnel while been chased by Paparazzi.She was declared dead minutes later at the Paris hospital she had been frantically rushed to.

When my dad & I got to Church, I was still confused, sad & absent-minded. The parish priest began his usual sermon/preaching after reading the 2nd Gospel. His first words were ‘Today the world mourns’. He had heard, like many others across the world. It was a day of global mourning. That day was simply ‘Black Sunday’.

I normally say Princess Diana was a cross between Cindy Crawford & Mother Theresa. She had the looks of a Supermodel, and the heart of a Saint. Never has royalty been so elegant, yet so humble. So classy, yet so kind & compassionate.

I can’t believe it’s been 10 yrs since that last day of August when my dad didn’t wake me up for church.

Diana, my princess…..The people’s princess.