Naija Music: A Good Year

First of all, here’s wishing each and every one of you a happy new year. May 2008 bring you all abundant blessings. So the year 2007 has come and gone. For many of us, it was quite an eventful one. On a broader perspective, many industries achieved a lot in the year but none more so than the naija music industry. As most know, the local music scene has blown up significantly in recent years. In continuing with this impressive explosion of talent & quality of material, the year proved to be huge as quite a lot of new acts were exposed to the music-loving public. The household names also strengthened their reputations by releasing huge hits in 07.For me, there were four main acts (specifically, 5 individuals) who had a great year indeed.So, I’ll share them with you.
1. Olu Maintain: The ex-member of a popular Ibadan-based group was massive as a solo artiste with a comical anthem called ‘Yahoozee’.This infectious track was basically a satire of the lifestyles & mentality of the average, infamous 419 beneficiary. To underline this club banger’s popularity, I saw white folks rocking their lives out to the track at a British High Commission party I attended recently. A truly funny/special moment.
2. 2face: The young man from Benue did it again with another special album. How many albums do you get to hear these days that are sweet from Track 1 till the end a la Michael Jackson’s Thriller? Very few indeed.Mr Idibia showed with this CD(released in late 2006) that he’s truly a gifted artiste whose music always comes along with great production, catchy melodies & a sweet, believable voice.’ See Me So’ proved to be another hot track that seemed made for the clubs & parties.’Hey ya Hey Brother eee…’.What a song.
3. D'Banj:The Koko Master was at his very best last year especially with the enormous popularity of the anthemic tracks ‘Why Me’,’Loke’ & ‘Move Your Body’. Ably assisted by his close friend & producer Don Jazzy, this headline artiste of Mo Hits Records clearly proved why he’s loved by many across the country & beyond. I believe that one of his main objectives, i.e when he & Don Jazzy are recording, is to always create songs that get music lovers to spontaneous move their feet as soon as they hear the track’s beats. The MTV Award-winning star ended the year with the release of another huge record called ‘Booty Call’, significantly boosted by the sweet vocals of Wande Coal, another member of the Mo Hits crew. I saw him at a joint on the island a few weeks ago. As I was leaving that night, I noticed his black Benz with the customized ‘KOKOLET’ plate number. No long thing.
4. P-Square: Unless deaf, there’s no young person in this lagos who can say they haven’t heard the extremely popular ‘Do Me’ by the dark-skinned twins.Honestly,I didn’t really like the song when I first heard it.However,with the track seemingly being played at every single place I went to this Christmas, I have to admit that it has eventually grown on me. No matter the occasion, as soon as that unique beat drops, everyone instantaneously springs to their feet. Although the lyrics are nowhere near the songwriting quality level of say Ne-Yo’s, there’s just something that makes it a great song to dance & mime to. Accompanied by a really cool video, this definite club banger was obviously the most popular song during the xmas holidays. Out of curiosity, I recently bought a copy of their latest CD ’Game Over’ while in traffic. After a first listen, I was so impressed by the quality of practically all the songs on it. For me, ‘No One Like U’ is my clear favorite though. To Peter & Paul, I must confess this about your music:’E get as e dey do me’.Lol.
I eagerly wait to see what the year 2008 holds for the millions of naija music fans out there. Mouth-watering prospect indeed.

A Champ Is Humbled

I’m sure every single one of us has had a bad day at one point in our lives. No matter your regular good fortune or talent, there must have been a time when things just didn’t go your way.Admittedly, there are those who, to us, seem to be as consistent as traffic in Lagos. As far as consistency is concerned, there are two Nigerian comedians who I strongly feel easily rank as the best & most reliable comedians in Nigeria. Who are they, you wonder? Yes, you may have guessed it: Julius Agwu & Basket Mouth. However, for the latter, yesterday was a horrible experience he would pray he could forget for the rest of his days. The occasion was the hugely successful, Xmas-season music/comedy show, Rhythm Unplugged. After a typical delayed start, the show got into its full flow with infectious music, great dance performances & extremely funny comedians. This was till it was time for Basket Mouth to take the stage for his routine. Although this top comedian started out with an unusually low tone, I had thought it was just a different way of starting his performance this time around. I was sure that in no time we would all get to hear the normal rib-cracking jokes the Edo-Born young man is best known and respected for. Sadly, it didn’t come. His jokes were astonishingly dry (save for one or two moments) and the crowd, many of whom were amongst his huge admirers, were merciless. They kept booing and, at a point, were asking him to leave the stage. Understandably, Basket Mouth (real name: Bright Okpocha) refused to. Simply because that’s one of the worst things a stand-up comedian should do. Especially for one as successful & cherished as Bright. So he resorted to insulting some members of the public. At a point, when someone in the crowd screamed out that he was messing up due to the obvious wealth he’s accrued in recent years, he tried to convince us of his down-to-earth nature by informing us of his regular visits to a popular amala joint in Yaba.Truly sad. The boos only got more consistent & louder. He seemed confused, seeking support by asking those who truly loved him to shout out loud, a desperate wish they duly obliged (probably out of pity). This was like an ‘I’m still one of the best out there’ taunt. When it became apparent that he had undoubtedly overstayed his welcome, he humbly made his way off stage. I was shocked and deeply saddened. My Basket Mouth. The man who can crack people up at a funeral.Humbled.Embarassed.Well, if this is still one of the undisputed Kings of naija comedy I know, then we look forward to him coming back with a huge bang. He has to, as there’s no other choice. The whole incident was made all the more humiliating as his fellow colleague, Julius Agwu was at his trademark best(at times assisted by his partner-in-crime, Okey Bakassi).

Basket Mouth, I know yesterday night must have been hard to swallow. Like you said, you’ve never been booed off by your fans before. Only God knows what really went wrong, but I’m confident you’ll prove to your dear fans that yesterday’s disaster was simply a one-off which would never re-occur.Please, I beg you.

Jingle Bells

It's that time of year again,guys.The Christmas season.The period of time each December when kids get all excited and most workers are at their most buoyant.I vividly remember the excitement i used to feel as a kid this time of year.The presents,the turkey,peppersoup,my dad's extra-generosity,the numerous hampers & goats we received from family friends and fairweather associates of my father's.Those were really fun times,but i guess nostalgia works that way.Anything that happened many years ago seemed like the best of times.So i guess if that nostalgic theory is consistently accurate,we'll all be reminiscing in the year 2040 of how wonderful power supply was in 2007.Hahaha.I rebuke that in Jesus' name,as that simply means we'll probably have electricity 5 minutes a day or something then.I'm digressing,so back to the feel good moments of the xmas season.These days,December is a period for shows,concerts,weddings & temporary nightclubs(i.e. arranged by sharp dudes who briefly rent & convert someone's home or office to make quick cash from those who treat every day in december like it's friday).On the not so pleasant side,the season is also the time when the men of the underworld are at their most alert & industrious.Afterall,everybody wan enjoy christmas.Business is also brisk for venue owners,bars,airlines,hotels,makers of hampers,sellers of rice,goats and so on.If only we had a proper data collation system in this country,i would have loved to know the amount spent by nigerians in December yearly.Must be in the billions.

After all the fun is over,things change really fast.The month of joy quickly passes the baton to the month of financial sorrow for most a.k.a January.The month when the pockets have dried up due to the early payday most employees receive in December as well as the extreme partying,drinking & reckless spending indulged by many.It's all so routine each time that it seems like a scene from Bill Murray's Groundhog Day,a movie where the actor's life follows the same sequence every single day from the moment he wakes up.However,it's truly a period to be merry,grateful to the Almighty for all the blessings received during the year and most especially for our lives being spared to see the final month of the year.

Whatever your views on xmas and it's associated season,it's undoubtedly the time of the year with the most activity.Especially for one's seemingly leaking wallet.

Happy & safe holidays,everyone.

It Promises To Be 'Sick'

According to Websters dictionary,one of the definitions of the word 'Sick' is:'Dwelling on or obsessed with that which is gruesome,sadistic,ghoulish or the like'.However,when it comes to black people-speak,sick means any of the following: 'hot','too hard','lovely','special','daammmn'.For those who still find this difficult to understand,i'll give some examples of what sick is,as far as street-talk is concerned:'Buy U a Drank' by Tpain is a sick joint.The Range Rover Sport is a sick ride.Beyonce Knowles is a sick chick.Get it now?Well.i'm sure you do.So,you know what else is sick?Simple.This upcoming friday & saturday i.e Dec 14th & 15th.The reason is clear as one those 2 days,Lagos would be rocked by a huge array of hot artistes from the States.At Friday's Star Mega Jam,8 time-2008 Grammy nominee Kanye West & America's hottest singer of the moment,T-Pain would thrill fans at Ikoyi's Polo Ground.T-Pain is so popular currently that he was featured in 4 singles on the US Top 10 Chart last week.
On the next day at the Thisday Centre in Lekki,music fans would be treated to performances by Lil Kim,super-rapper Lil Wayne,Amerie,Brick & Lace,Ying Yang Twins & recently debuted Jamaican star,Sean Kingston.

Nigeria has impressively seen a vast amount of popular singers/rappers grace our soil over the last couple of years, unarguably highlighted by the appearance of celebrity couple,Jay Z & Beyonce last year.I was chatting with a friend in England just last week and he was quite envious of the fact that many in Nigeria had seen more stars perform over here than he has in the UK.

Understandably for many,security seems to be a big concern for those interested in attending the upcoming shows in Lekki & Ikoyi.As such,i hope that the organisers & authorities rise up to this challenge & pass in flying colors.
To steal a phrase from a chart-topping song by two of this weekend's performers i.e Kanye West & Tpain,all i'll say to the true music fans attending the concerts is 'Welcome to the Good Life'.

Respect Thy Stranger

What you are about to read is a true story.Yes,so true.I heard it from the guy involved,myself.I had met up with a friend last week for drinks.Two other friends of his had later joined us.This factual tale was experienced and relayed by one of them.Now this guy had,not too long ago,met a very pretty and intelligent chick at a gallery in ikoyi.You see,his cousin was an upcoming painter and had gotten an opportunity to showcase some of his works at an exhibition being held there.Under pressure from his cousin to show some support,he decided to attend the occasion.So while at this event looking at the displayed works,him and this hot girl got talking.They hit it off so well that they swapped numbers.Over the next few days,they spent loads of time chatting & texting.They then met up for drinks at Churasco and had dinner a couple of times.The thought even crossed this guy's mind that she could be 'the one' as she seemed heaven-sent,due to their incredible compatibility.

So one weekend,she invited him to her family house in VI for the first time.Earlier that day,this short-tempered chap's mechanic had pissed him off,as he had spent way too long servicing the guy's Honda.On his way to the girl's place,he was caught up in traffic on the island which added to his earlier fury.He later found himself in a queue of cars waiting for the traffic warden at the Adeolu Odeku junction to give them the go-ahead to move.When the traffic guy beckoned for his line to proceed,he noticed that the guy driving the Toyota just in front of him was stalling.Apparently,something must have been up with the man's car.After blaring his horn for a while,this guy impatiently decided to move out of his lane.As he swerved out,he uttered 'idiot' loudly at the 'sluggish' elderly man whose window glass was partially wound down.
He then spontaneously decided to stop at Park & Shop to get his 'new' chick some bars of Twix,which happened to be her favorite.As he was getting out of his car at the supermarket,a man in his early 50s,wearing a blue linen shirt walked up towards him.He soon realised that it was the guy he had just abused less than 2 minutes ago.The well-spoken,older man man asked 'Why did you have to insult me,young man?Would you have liked it if someone your age abused your father like that?'.

For some unexplainable reason,the young chap simply hissed and walked away unrepentantly.

After he bought the chocolate bars,he set out for the babe's house excitedly.

20 mins later,he was in her living room gisting and giggling away.He was quite relaxed as her mum was sleeping upstairs and her dad was out.Shortly after,the doorbell rang behind him.The girl stood up to open.As he heard her say 'Welcome,daddy',he spontaneously rose and turned to meet & greet his 'potential' father-in-law.It was the man in the blue linen shirt.

HiTV:The Mother Of All Rip-Offs

I just want to ask one question.Realistically, I doubt I’ll get an appropriate answer but I’ll ask anyway. Why do most things Nigerian always have K leg? As I type this, I’m no longer as angry as I was around this time yesterday. Simply because Arsenal won & our rivals Man Utd lost, giving us a 3 point lead at the top of the premiership table.Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see the game despite having two satellite dishes at home and religiously forking out N13,000 a month on combined subscription fees. So how come I wasn't able to see my darling club play yesterday? Simple: HiTV.The ‘sadly Nigerian’ cable company did it again, but this time it was on an unprecedented scale. For close to 4 hours yesterday, all I, as well as hundreds of thousands of soccer fans across the country, saw on the soccer channel was ‘scrambled’. As most of us know,’scrambled’ is reserved for only those whose subscription have expired and as such, have had their access disconnected. Well yesterday, even one with a 10-year subscription was in the same boat of non-visibility. Every football lover who had eagerly awaited the game was left stranded.I also feel sorry for Liverpool fans as the signals vanished 20 minutes into their team's exciting game with Newcastle.No explanations. No mercy.Helpless.I had to keep checking the internet for updates on the goings-on at the Emirates. All we got later was a silly, arrogant 10 second apology from the studio’s so-called soccer analyst. I can’t remember his name, but ‘airhead’ would suffice as an appropriate substitution.
What makes yesterday’s events more annoying was because this was the umpteenth time we had been subjected to similar rubbish from airhead's employers. From delayed transmission of live matches to poor, unwatchable signals for a significant portion of games, we’ve seen it all this season. Their company slogan should read ‘Mediocre Are Us’,instead of the laughable 'Correct TV' they stupidly claim.That's as blasphemous as calling Whoopi Goldberg the sexiest woman in Hollywood.My people, we don suffer for this country. Some apologists keep saying ‘give them time’, ‘it would get better’ etc but that’s just a load of hogwash. I’m tired of always having hope & faith in most Nigerian ventures only to be sent crashing back down to earth, every single time. I actually had a feeling all this would happen when I heard that this joke of a company had, through some Abuja connections, obtained the right to broadcast 80% of the premiership games this season.
Personally, Osama Bin Laden can have the broadcast rights for all I care.Just give me uninterrupted access to what I paid for.

The PR In Marriage

As i write this,i'm still a bit shocked.Since i took a few days leave this week,i had become a bit of a couch potato trying,mostly,to finish my recently acquired season 3 DVD of the medical drama,House.In between,i was involved in channel flipping on DSTV.My fiddling with the remote on wednesday evening took me to Mnet,where i noticed that the recently launched talkshow,Moments with Mo,was about to air.The topic of the day was 'Finding & Keeping Mr.Right'.One of the guests on that episode was a TV presenter called Catherine,wife of a certain presenter of a popular quiz show.Now,as some may know,quite a lot of girls are attracted to him,primarily due to his good looks & on-air charm.

Catherine was basically giving tips to viewers about relationships as well as the many reasons that make her husband such a wonderful partner to have.As she spoke that evening,it was clear that many women in the audience were a bit envious,especially as she kept going on & on about her man's special qualities which made her such a lucky spouse.When asked by Mo' what advice she would give ladies looking for their Mr.Right,she simply responded 'Smile'.According to her,that's important because you just never know if that soulmate is lurking.

So,to my aforementioned shock.I was browsing this morning when i came across recent stories of Catherine publicly proclaiming that her 'Knight in Shining Armour' was a physical abuser.So bad that he had even hit her in public places such as the airport.To steal a quote,she alleged that he 'batters her at the slightest provocation'.According to the reports,she's currently seeking refuge away from her matrimonial home while her husband's making frantic efforts to reconcile.

Expectedly,i'm curious.Was he a 'wife-beater' when Catherine was probably deceiving audience members that day on the show's recording?If so,that's quite sad and just goes to show the smokescreen involved in many marriages.

Or when she gave the 'smile always' tip,was she actually referring to Fela's similar message in 'Suffering & Smiling'?Hmmm.

England,Let's Face It

I’ve seen this happen over and over again. To the extend that i now feel like Bill Murray in 'Groundhog Day'.Last night was the latest reoccurrence. Once more, the English national team disappointed the naive millions across the European country who had again placed their hopes & trust in them. The occasion was the final round of qualifying matches for next summer’s Euro 2008 football tournament. In a game where at least a draw would have sufficed for qualification, England failed to deliver. In front of 90,000 spectators (most of them supporting the homeside) at famed Wembley stadium, the founding home of the incredible game couldn’t deliver. After coming back from 2 goals down against the group leaders Croatia, they were dealt the final blow by substitute Petric’s 77th minute 25-yard strike. As expected, the English press was ruthless in their headlines this morning, raining insults on everyone that had anything to do with the squad. Predictably as well, the FA were swift to respond by sacking Steve McLaren, the ineffective Manager employed 18 months ago under controversial circumstances.

I spent the better part of this morning watching on Sky News (with glee,I must confess) the views of fans & reporters about last night’s nightmare. One gentleman’s perspective caught my attention. It was as if he was a mind reader who had snatched my exact thoughts from my head. Simply put, he hit the nail on the head: England isn’t good enough and the earlier the English people realize that, the better for their footballing growth & progress. These guys feel there are amongst the best in the world. Yes, they do. Pathetically so. England’s only ever major achievement was their 1966 world cup triumph, a tournament they hosted & won under dodgy circumstances in the final game that summer. And they do not want to ever forget it. Wake up, Guys.That was over 40 years ago. What else has the country won since then? Absolutely nothing.True, England is home to arguably the most exciting football league in the country, but as I keep reminding people, this is simply due to the enormous amount of gifted foreign players plying their trade there. Indeed, there are some English world-class players like Wayne Rooney & Steven Gerrard, but that’s evidently not enough to become a great team. What makes last night’s loss even more painful for their fans was that their team was playing against a Croatian side that had nothing to play for, since their qualification for next summer’s tournament was already previously guaranteed.

So now, the search is on for McClaren’s successor and certain names like ex-Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho’s & Aston Villa’s Martin O’neill have begun making the rounds. Although Mourinho, aka The Special One, has always stated that the only national side he could ever manage is that of his home country Portugal, let’s not forget that money has been known to sway even the most rigid of men. According to media reports, the estimated financial impact on England’s absence from Euro 2008 is close to $4 billion. In other words, those English nationals who have business ties with the England team have another reason to be disgusted today.
Well, while we wait to see who’ll bravely accept to fill this existing vacancy, one thing’s for sure: He has a lot of work to do.

God's Own Country

It seems, these days, like there’s one natural disaster or the other happening somewhere with such alarming regularity. The latest of such tragedies occurred in far away Bangladesh. The cyclone has claimed thousands of lives, with much more rendered homeless. Only recently, Mexico & Chile had Mother Nature leave destruction in it’s wake as well, the latter courtesy of a massive earthquake. We all remember clearly the severe impact Hurricane Katrina had in America’s New Orleans & the Tsunami that ravaged Asia on Boxing Day a few years ago. We i.e. Nigerians should be so grateful that our country’s spared from such catastrophies.Seriously speaking, I feel that we don’t get to experience such devastation simply because we would, as a nation,all be probably extinct by now if such fate befell us just like other countries across the globe. Can you take a moment to imagine the consequences on lives and property if, for example, overpopulated Lagos experienced a hurricane or an earthquake? What emergency plans & resources would this nation muster to save people and homes if a calamity like that ever happened here? The mere thought of it gives me goosebumps the size of pebbles. In this country where it took almost 24 hours to locate a plane that crashed on dry land.

As far as tragedies here go, the one that probably comes to most minds was the Ikeja cantonment episode several years ago. I vividly recollect the sad story of hundreds of young women & children who met their untimely end while all running away en masse, due to the general panic that ensued in the nearby environs.Yes, even developed nations who are regular recipients of nature’s wrath experience significant fatalities, but their emergency teams save many more due to the personnel’s advanced training and availability of required tools to deal with the circumstances. Over here, most of the few fire trucks that function don’t even have water in them when they get to the scene. It’s so strange that it’s almost laughable, despite the seriousness of the matter. Also, when last do you think the emergency & rescue units here ever did a drill to ascertain their readiness for any eventualities? We know the answer to that question.
Indeed, America is regularly referred to as God’s own country but I’m sure we follow very closely behind.

Another One Bites The Dust

Yesterday's stripping of Adamawa Governor Murtala Nyarko's title by the state elections petition tribunal made it no.5.He became the fifth Governor to lose his position in the last six months.Others preceding him were the Governors of Kogi,Kebbi,Anambra & Rivers States(the last two being declared null & void by the highest court in the land).As expected,most well-intentioned nigerians have heaped praise on the judiciary for standing firm & ensuring that the rule of law was a vital prerequisite for a respectable democracy.I strongly agree.They are indeed the ones who've impressed me so far in this new dispensation i.e Yar' Adua's administration.
On the other hand,the man who should bury his head in shame is undoubtedly the INEC boss.As many observers know,the electoral body's helmsman has consistently beat his chest with pride for conducting 'successful' elections earlier this year.Even recently,after a damning report on the tragically flawed process by the EU,the Professor went on air to condemn the european body's objective findings,maintaining that his commission had done a commendable job despite the many challenges they faced.Wait a minute.If 5 governors have lost their honorable positions based on glaring unconstitutional irregularities ranging from illegal removal of candidates' names from ballots(despite winning their primaries) to wrongfully exempting certain individuals from contesting the april polls,then it's clear the electoral body & it's Chairman have many questions to answer.Even a 10 year old probably knows that the so-called elections held in April was a complete shamble,ranking among the worst in our political history.There were gross irregularities & countless cases of rigging experienced all across the nation.An ostrich with connections & cash would have won a seat in the House of Reps,if so desired.You know it.I know it.So why do these jesters constantly say things that indirectly seem to call us 'stupid'?To be honest,many nigerians were basically more concerned with the civilian-to-civilian transition happening,as against the elections being annulled.Yes,that may be understandable due to the shameful fact that our dear Nigeria had never had one democratic government successfully hand over to another.
Ladies & Gentleman,this West african country with 140 million souls has gone through so much deceit,ridicule,corruption & everything humiliating under the sun.But for how much longer?
There's only one logical event that needs to happen in the next few days & that's for the Professor to honorably step aside.
But knowing this country,i wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that to happen.