Thursday, July 3, 2008

Time To Whistleblow

Let me start by acknowledging that I, quite realistically, expect a large number of guys to be mute after reading this piece. Some may be defensive, while others could act as if they don’t fall into the category of men i’m about to comment on. Without trying to beat about the bush, I’ll jump straight to the crux of the matter. Yours truly is referring to the shockingly high volume of men (whether black, white, gay, straight etc) who, as a normal habit, fail to rinse their hands after taking a leak. While I subconsciously always knew that many dudes failed to do the needful after easing themselves, it wasn’t till a female friend of mine joked about it months ago that I took notice of the magnitude of the situation. She told me that she stopped shaking guys’ hands a long while ago (especially in bars/clubs).This friend added that she preferred to hug a guy she barely knew than shake hands with him. When I, understandly, asked her to shed more light on this, she expressed it was because of the unhygienic practices of chaps in the Gents. As such, hugging was a better option for her. Even though we both laughed about her non-handshaking policy with the opposite sex,I thought about it a bit further after she left.
So,I decided to take a detailed note myself by randomly observing the habits of my fellow gentleman from thereon. Since then, I’ve observed the ways of chaps in places as diverse as my office bathroom, bars, hotels, training venues etc.Both home and abroad. Sadly, the feedback hasn’t been good. Even in public bathrooms where expensive handwash was flowing like it was going out of fashion, dudes haven’t been tempted.Inclusive of the rich,poor,educated,illiterate and enlightened.Even in places where there has been enough tap water flowing to drown 100 Goliaths, my guys would not budge. They simple go in, unzip, do the needful,shake the stuff,re-zip and walk right out the door in a routine so orchestrated, they would be world champions if the process was an Olympic event. Even in cases where they noticed me taking time out to wash mine,many just walked right past. Like I was an efico or something that had too much time on his hands. I must admit that some guys have a rethink and are ‘inspired’ to do the hygienic thing when they see my humble self doing as is proper.
Now,I obviously don’t know what happens in the female bathrooms but I hope(no, pray) to God that it’s nowhere near what occurs in ours. What actually baffles me is that it only takes about 20 seconds to take some liquid, rub hands together and then rinse (add another 10-15 seconds in places with functional hand dryers).My fellow & dear Gentlemen, this is not a case of ratting out because as I mentioned earlier, my female friend & many other women in our midst already know the ‘koko’ of what happens in our toilets. Or rather in this context,what sadly 'doesn’t happen’.
The ways things are going, I might have to adopt a ‘hugging only’ stance as well.

14 comments:

Funmi said...

nice one, i guess going in the bush without water did not teach washing of hands. But i think hugging is dangerous esp between man and woman, i think we should go back to no contact forms of salutation.

Doyin said...

I'll take a hug over a handshake anytime.
:)

Madey said...

ahahahahah this is so true i guess the guys feel that there really isnt anything to wash off. i was readng somewhere where a test was done on gnuts placed on the bars in clubs, bars etc and i cant remember how many exactly but it was close to something like 70 diffrent urine samples where gotten from that bowl over a wknd period.
Damn thats a lot cos pple go 2 d loo, pee dont wash their hands come back, dip their hands into d bowl and the waiters just keep filling it up.
Now i dont eat nuts in bars i let them pour it directly into my palms from the bottle.
So eh pls abeg WASH UP.

Tayo said...

No problem but I beg, don't hug me too much!!

Gbolade said...

WORD!!!!!!!!!!! Culprits out there know themselves..let us all make this campaign work

Kelechi said...

Hmmmmmmmmm...this reminds me of the Marine - Army joke lol

Deola said...

A hello with my enchanting smile will do just fine from now on, charles thanks for reminding us how unhygienic guys can be,especially guys dat does the needful and then enters the room where the magic happens wiv a girl,with the same un-washed hands.Now thats a disgusting thought.

Bobby said...

Hugging a guy is a no no for me tho Kams... How about just touching your your fists as a sign of salutation? For me, I am more worried about persistent nose diggers and 'yansh' scratchers who do their business in private

Emeka said...

well the safest thing is to give 'daps or pound' whereby you and the other party pound fists. Babe fit hug guy wey no go release am and you know what my people say 'when handshake pass elbow e don turn to gidigbo (wrestling). Ladies be warned about hugging before una buy market.

Bobby said...

lol...

Femi L said...

hahahahahaha... chakams, this reminds me of Donald Trump who'd do anything to avoid shaking hands. says he loves the japs... good guess anybody? close but no cigar. he loves them 'cos of their manner of greeting, you know the clasping of hands as if in a prayer mode and nodding forward..

..but seriously, this is nothing compared to what some other guys get up to with their hands... There are people out there who know nothing about toilet tissues... guess what they use to wipe their bums? yes their hands.. think of the cab driver, danfo, conductor, artisans, suya sellers (eeeiwww!!) the list is endless..

Anonymous said...

Can't speak for others but many American women don't wash their hands after they use the bathroom. I don't get it.

TWayne said...

LOL!!! Nice one Chakams.

Same reason I use my knuckles or key to punch the "floor" buttons in lifts.

Guys can be really disgusting. But girls, quit with the "holier than thou" attitude. The habits (and I refuse 2 use the word our bc I ain't one of those dirty ones) are veryyyyy disgusting!

Adorable said...

i just started reading your blog. Nice.

The issue is a serious matter. You guys may want to adopt some of my "stay-sanitized-desperately" measures.

1) Needless to say i never make contact with the loo at work and at public places... I wrap my hands in toilet paper to flush (for extra insurance stuff the bowl with loads of toilet paper to prevent splashback)

2) I open the bathroom door with my knuckles and even press the buttons in the lift with my knuckles.

3) I never eat the free peanuts at nightclubs (trust me it's not just ammonia you'll be munching with those)

4) I check shoes for recent droplets... (that's a dead giveaway for a carrier of very active germs)

5)I smile and wiggle my fingers... sometimes I blow kisses. (Hugs are ingenious but I don't think particularly safe)

you could also try...

6) telling people you have an infectious disease which can be transferred on contact

7) Simply asking... did you wash your hands...etc.

Foolproof yeah?

be cool.