Time For Some Action

So the long-awaited verdict has finally come.According to the Presidential elections petition tribunal,Gen. Buhari(rtd) & Atiku had no substantial evidence to support their arguments against President Yar'adua's controversial election.As such,their petitions were flung out by the 4-member panel of judges.While the argument over whether our dear leader actually won the April 06 contest can linger on for years,one thing seems apparent to many.That is,the president had not made significant headway in the journey of transforming our country positively due to his concern about the goings-on at the tribunal.Some argue that since he wasn't 100% sure of his fate,he understandably wasn't as committed on the job.This could also have been a similar worry for his cabinet as well.

Well,if that's the case,i hope he can now get down to real & undistracted action as a result of yesterday's calming verdict.Action on crime,electricity,corruption,healthcare,the economy and so on.Basically,positive leadership by example.These are the things that matter most to a vast majority of citizens.Even though he may not have received their votes last spring,he owes us all sound,purposeful and transparent leadership.To be honest,if the tribunal had overturned the president's election,that would have had a significantly negative impact on the country in general and caused ripple effects in practically every aspect of our human life.

Come May,Mr. President would have spent a year in office already.Yes,time flies.But for the millions of impoverished nigerians out there,it's as slow as a snail.Same with his impact on the nation thus far.

Hard,But Not Impossible

The list is seemingly endless. Amy Whinehouse, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, River Phoenix, Eva Mendes, Anna Nicole Smith,James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, Heath Ledger and so on. I’m referring to the names of young celebrities who seem to have succumbed to the pressure of fame and fortune. Those who have been linked with various forms of addiction like drugs, alcohol, prescription drugs and generally controversial lifestyles.To be honest, one knows that it’s extremely hard to stay normal when one becomes a rich celebrity.One who has people constantly screaming and taking pictures at the mere sight of you. Let’s not forget all the glitz, glamour, partying, vanity, women, men that comes with the occupation. Till one is faced with such circumstances, it’s tough to categorically say we won’t fall under the same spell and addiction.However, there are many more in showbiz who have not let themselves get caught up with such negativity. An example that regularly comes to my mind is actor/rapper Will Smith. Despite years of success in the both the music & movie industry, along with a $20m a film paycheck, the 39-year old father from Philly has refused to have himself linked with any negative story or scandal. Happily married to fellow actress Jada Pinkett Smith, the ‘Fresh Prince’ has ensured that his private business stayed private and has also impressively abstained from circumstances/temptations that can lead a celebrity to ruins via scandals,drugs, alcohol & prescription drug addictions. As I say in casual conversations I have with people about young Hollywood and its scandals, if a movie star knows that going to a paparazzi-laden popular club in Beverly Hills would lead to several ‘unflattering’ pictures/reports all over the global press the next day, then simply do not go there. Same with patronising drug & groupie-infested hang-outs.That simple.If you choose to, then expect the good & bad things associated with it.

Parents of these young stars also have a key & moral role to play in their children’s lives, especially in their public conduct .However, it seems most are engrossed in their offspring’s wealth and as such lose focus in handling their parenting obligations (some probably out of fear of being sidelined financially by the family’s golden egg).
My biggest worry with people like Britney, Lindsay and Amy is that all this crazy behaviour they’ve become accustomed to could lead to tragic conclusions. By then, it would have been too late (sadly) for those concerned to do anything about it. The fatal consequences that befell the promising, 24-year old James Dean in the 50s and River Phoenix (aged 23) is an unfortunate reminder of how things could potential go if young, enormously talented actors and musicians fail to get an urgent grip(with the help of family & 'true' friends,of course).
Will, how about giving some private tutorials/tips to your peers?

Joker-In-Chief

The current U.S. presidential nomination race has generated an unprecedented amount of interest from millions across the world. While the objective is to select the two individuals who would slug it out in the battle to become America’s 44th president come November, this year's event is significantly different. Admittedly,although the fact that an african-american and a female are involved in this contest adds to the fascination, there’s a major reason why people across the globe have been glued to the exciting developments, and a record volume of americans are casting their votes in the on-going primaries. That reason is a man from Texas called George W.Bush,the current occupier of the White House, whom many can’t wait to see leave office next January. America doesn’t seem to have endured tougher times in recent memory. The economy’s almost in a recession, the enormous respect they received from the international community for many years has plummeted to almost rock-bottom levels and they are involved in an unnecessary,expensive & casualty-ridden war in Iraq. Defense analysts estimate the Iraqi occupation to cost the U.S. government about $200,000 per minute. That’s every 60 seconds, folks. Astonishing.

President Bush’s previously impressive approval ratings plunged to about 24% late last year, an all-time low since Nixon’s tenure. Americans are fed up of the mess they’ve endured in the last 7 yrs under the Texas native's leadership. Foreigners are also eager for his departure. His administration has made far more enemies than friends, both home and abroad.

As such, it seems the primary reason for the huge voter turnout experienced since the current nomination process began is this: Many americans feel that their non-chalance/abstinence during the last elections in 2004 gave Bush a victory that they clearly see, with hindsight, was a disaster for their country in almost all aspects .Be it the Economy, international PR, war commitments, Healthcare and so on. A total failure. They also nostalgically remember the impressive legacy of George W. Bush’s predecessor, Bill Clinton. A presidency where peace reigned, America was loved,respected and 10 million jobs were created in the 8-year reign of the charismatic, Oxford-schooled man from Arkansas. Therefore, American citizens have decided not to let those dark days resurface again by getting actively involved in determining a successor who’ll rescue them from their existing Hell.
One thing’s for sure after next January’s swearing-in-ceremony for Bush’s successor. No matter who wins, everyone would be happy. The Joker from Texas would have been confined to history.

I Had No Right

The extremely deep & talented hip-hop/soul duo PM Dawn,popularly known for tracks like ‘I’d Die without You’ and ‘Looking through Patient Eyes’ is the catalyst for this particular piece. As a big fan of theirs, i expectedly happen to like most of their music. One particular song that really does it for me is the incredibly honest (& melodic) song ’I Had No Right’, a beautiful written composition that has the large lead-singer, Prince Be, apologising to his kid for bringing him to this world ‘Knowing what he knows, feeling the way he feels, being so confused…’.Now, while his thoughts in the song seemed directed at global affairs or his shortcomings as a father, I couldn’t help but look at it from a singular perspective. From the angle of a mother directing similar comments/regrets to her infant. As in, from her knowledge of what the world is tragically like today. I guess it could go a bit like this:
I had no right bringing you here…to a world of suffering
….to a world of blatant corruption
…to a world of prejudice and outright racism
…to a world of people blowing themselves up and taking innocent people along with them
….to a world where,sadly,hard work doesn’t always pay
…to a world of treachery, betrayal, wickedness
...to a world where people have short memories and quickly forget where they came from
...to a world where most things don’t work as they should
...to a world where an unelected president can ‘win’ an election and lead 100 million people who don’t seem to care/mind
…to a world where people can be passive to the mess in government despite its obvious impact in every aspect of their own live
...to a world where people would use you, lie to you, cheat you and desert you when things are rough
...to a world where people practically worship worldly items and valuable possessions
...to a world where people would always let you down
...to a world where half of your so-called friends could actually be enemies
…to a world of perpetual eye-service in every aspect of our daily lives .
...to a world where people who are meant to protect us are paid peanuts like they don’t matter.
…to a world where 1 + 1 doesn’t always give you 2
…to a world where some would read this and not think about it for more 2 seconds, despite its honesty.
Personally,I feel the main message parents should tell their kids, i.e. when they reach the mental stage of understanding, is that it’s a cruel world they’ve come into. And that’s it’s anything but a Bed of Roses (No need beating around the bush, people).
PM Dawn’s 1988 album title adequately summarized Prince Be’s similar regrets with a direct message to his young son, Christian. It simply says ‘Dearest Christian, I’m so very sorry for bringing you here.Love,Dad’…Many people probably are as well, Prince Be.

To Those....

It’s really tough being good,kind or morally upright these days. There’s so much hardship,many personal difficulties & an overwhelming temptation to do wrong that one almost understands when people falter. It’s simply based on the aforementioned that I’ve decided to dedicate this piece to people who I feel deserve some recognition. Although they are not famous or influential individuals, they are worthy of being appreciated for the things they’ve done and for what some of them, respectably, haven’t done. So here goes my personal appreciation:
1.To those ladies at the Modupe Cole Memorial Home for the Disabled & Mentally Challenged in Yaba.I constantly think of the day I paid a visit there last year. I could only last for about 45mins.However,most of these female workers have worked with the home's inhabitants for as long as 15 years.15 years of washing their clothes,cooking,cleaning up their mess, playing with them and consistently being there for these unfortunate children who are, quite honestly, difficult to look at. Many of us don’t even feel comfortable letting them touch us. That is a job many wouldn’t even do for $200,000 dollars a year. The Modupe Cole staff are a true gift to humanity.
2.To those young men and women who sell recharge cards & hawk goods in traffic each day. In the burning heat of Lagos, these desperate individuals would rather hustle through life legimately, instead of resort to crime like many have done as a quick fix for their hardship. I can’t imagine how it must feel selling plantain chips, credit, rat poison etc on the road for several hours each day. All the more difficult as they try to market these goods to men and women sitting comfortably in their air-conditioned flashy cars, while they themselves are almost boiling & fagged out from all the trekking. How many items do they successfully sell each day, after all that input? I must confess, that is commendable indeed.
3.Lastly, to those 3 nigerian strangers who helped me out when I had some car trouble many years ago. They worked for 2 hours trying to get the car to start, like their life depended on it.Shockingly, they refused to accept one kobo from me, despite my persistent offer. To the extent I thought they could be dubious people who had planned for their 'hidden' cohorts to waylay me shortly after the car would stop a few minutes later. It was too good to be true.With every attempt i made to convince them,they simply said ‘Don’t worry sir. We are okay’. Up till this minute,I can’t understand why they refused to take my money as a show of gratitude for their hardwork.In this country where nothing goes for nothing,even in some friendships.
To these people and everyone else who regularly does the right thing , I say a huge thank you. Your reward is definitely coming someday.Definitely.
In closing, my main prayer is that we are blessed with many more people like them in our society. Please answer me, dear Lord.

Condemned to History

I was tempted to buy it. After staring at it for about 2 minutes, it brought about a nostalgic feeling that i still can't accurately describe. Those were the days. So what was I staring at with such mental concentration? A picture. Let me rephrase: A classic picture. I was at the Silverbird Galleria during the holidays when I came across an exhibition of reputable photographer Sunmi Smart-Cole’s valuable work from the last 3 decades.Now, there were many fascinating & eye-catching pictures on display that day (including one with OBJ & Pope John Paul II both sitting across a table,wittily titled: CONFESSIONS).However, the framed picture that truly captivated me was the one named ‘War Against Indiscipline’. It was an aerial shot showing about 100 lagosians impressively queuing up for a commercial bus in 1984.The line was so organized that one would have easily assumed the nigerians on it were professional queuers (if there’s such a word).If that isn’t nostalgic for you, then I seriously doubt anything can be. I practically had goose-bumps looking at it.1984.The time when President Buhari, along with the admirable late Brig.Gen Idiagbon, had come close to ensuring we, Nigerians, were disciplined in most aspect of our public lives.

I clearly remember watching the network news on NTA those days (involuntarily, I must add, as a lack of cable TV limited everyone’s viewing choices).I would always laugh at video footage of civil servants being forced, by their superiors, to frog-jump for coming to work late. Thoughts of the humiliation the offenders’ kids would go through, in the hands of fellow students at school the next day, stayed perpetuated in my head each time. Things were organised then. One pissed or threw rubbish on the road at their own risk etc.Well, 24 years later that is ancient history now. In fact, many youths today never experienced ‘those days’ when there was some degree of sanity in our public behaviorial patterns. Today, indiscipline is practically embedded in our DNA.Almost as inseparable as a hen and her young. The first instinct of most of us in a place that involves a lengthy queue is to see how he/she can bribe his or her way to the front. We (including my humble self) are all guilty of this. Easy examples are at times of fuel scarcity, visa quests at the embassies or entry into a show/concert.In a way, economics has a key role to play in this continued decay. My point is this: the security guard who,say in the embassy, is supposed to ensure orderliness is hungry and earns peanuts.Expectedly, he’s ready to enable anyone beat the lengthy line or large crowd, as one as he/she can part away with 100 bucks. Same mindset with the fuel attendants & filling station chaps during times of fuel shortages. If you are not ready(or able) to part away with something, one would languish for hours in the queue.Another simple reason for the apparent extinction of discipline is because our leaders have failed to lead by example.
As I stared at Mr. Cole’s incredibly captured shot of history that sunday afternoon, I wondered if we could ever get back to the type of discipline that was visually evident in that bus stop.Actually, I still wonder.Sadly, the response can come from portions of the biblical saying: ‘It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for…..’.
You fill in the blank.

Nollywood,Please Wake

$250 million a year. That’s the current value of the Nigerian movie industry, popularly referred to as Nollywood.Apparently, about 30 new movies are supplied to marketers each week. The industry is the 3rd largest in the world i.e. by volume of releases, led only by Hollywood & the Indian industry called Bollywood.The alleged story behind the origin of Nollywood is so basic that it’s actually quite funny. A Businessman from the eastern parts of Nigeria had thousands of videotapes to dispose of in the early 90s.So he, in conjunction with an aspiring director, decided to use a camcorder to shoot a film, making use of the empty tapes for mass duplication of the finished work. Did I hear you say ‘What???’.I relate with your surprise as to its genesis.

Anyway, are you a huge fan of Nigerian movies (sorry, Nigerian RECORDINGS)? I know many nigerians abroad watch them frequently(probably for the nostalgic feeling, since they are far from home) Househelps & hairdressers also make up a significant portion of the fanbase who consistently patronize the industry’s work. In terms of gender, women are the overwhelming sex regularly drawn to naija movies. I actually wonder why. I guess it’s because our dear ladies are anatomically drawn to stories of relationships, vengeance, deceit & treachery. Am I correct, sisters?
For me ,this is the primary reason I’ll stay glued to a naija film for 2 hrs:To laugh my head off at practically everything that unfolds before my very eyes(or if Genevieve's starring in it,of course).99% of Nollywood products never cease to amaze/amuse me. As an example to buttress a point, in the smash romantic drama Pretty Woman, Richard Gere’s character was meant to be a multi—millionaire. We believed because he looked & seemed like one while playing the role. The multi-millionaire in our own movies looks like an ‘Oga’ mechanic who had a good shower. The clothes & their mannerisms show anything but one with a lot of cash in his bank accounts. They’ll then be stupidly talking on the phone about taking their private jet to Abuja for an emergency meeting with the President and so on.Lol.Yeah, right.Which President? Of the Onitsha spare parts market union or what? How about the gangsters in naija movies? Are all nigerian mobsters big fans of colour riots? Green suits with red shirts & brown trousers combined.Aah!!Even Stevie Wonder go shout. The producers and directors can’t even get the simple things right. Must every scene of 2 people eating require them to use forks & knives to eat,or to drink orange juice? Also, you see a camera shot of the guy with half a glass of juice.Then the shot goes to the lady he’s with. When the shot returns to the gentleman 2 seconds after, his glass is full to the brim. When dem pour am? Who pour am? Spirit? As for the scripts, I honestly wonder if it’s primary school children that supply them with their screenplays. Someone shoots another person and the victim shouts out ’Aaaah.You shot Me’. No oh, he didn’t shoot you. He kissed you. For being such a mumu, maybe you deserved the gunshot in the first place. One more thing, guys: The Party Scenes e.g. an Owambe.Dear directors, the fact that the scene cost N100, 000 to shoot doesn’t mean that you show it for half the movie. No wonder many of our films have part 4s.After we have unnecessarily seen people drinking, dancing & spraying money for half an hour.Gosh.Abeg,Nollywood no kill me with laughter oh.

To be fair,a couple of good movies have been made i.e. with overall quality in practically all areas of production, but the vast majority of them are an absolute joke. I heard a Nollywood star recently say in an interview that she strongly believes that many nigerian actors here would soon be nominated for Oscars a la the british & australians. Wait a minute. The same acclaimed Academy Awards in America? Or do they now have Oscars in Enugu or something?
All I have to say about that hilarious comment is this:'She put jazz for mouth?’.

Tipping with Care

Are you one of those who tips on the regular? As in, no matter what. Even if the person you were tipping didn’t deserve it. Actually, I know there are some who fall within this ‘constantly benevolent’ category. Sorry to make you feel used, but some of you have actually just been guilty of the western bug.Now, this may not necessarily be a bad thing but there are certain things you need to consider before you go doling out money to every single person who served you anywhere. This piece was in a way inspired by a chat I had with a friend recently. She seemed to feel that tipping was compulsory. As you may guess, I strongly disagree.Yes,in practically all Western Hotels, for example, you are sort of obliged to give the concierge something for carrying your suitcase & settling you into your classy hotel room. I guess that’s their culture.

Nonetheless, on the general/home perspective (with the knowledge of what the entire tipping concept was created for), it should only be given if you feel it is/was deserved. End of story. True, we know there are some exceptions like in a situation where your bar bill was N3, 470.You probably wouldn’t be waiting for your N30 change if you had given the waiter N3, 500.However, if you had received shabby or non-chalant treatment from the service person in a restaurant, why in the world would you dash them N100 or N200? To seem cool or western? The joke’s on you, in that case. In other words, you’ve just endorsed the chap/lady’s bad behaviour or poor customer service skills. And that only encourages them to maintain Status Quo, since they see that their attitude hasn’t stopped their tips from coming.Also,please note that in many of the standard bars/restaurants here, a 10% service charge is a compulsory addition to the cost of items you consumed: Even though the service wasn’t all that or was even poor. So by dashing out money again, you have basically being used twice. Fact of the matter. For me, if you treated me poorly during my stay at your joint, I would expect my exact change(except it’s like N10 outstanding or something).No be me get am?One of the main reasons for this is to indirectly let the waiter/attendant know that they were dismal and consequently wouldn’t receive a tip from me. That simple. And me not dashing anything doesn’t mean I can’t, but should be interpreted to mean I wouldn’t, for apparent reasons.If,on the other hand, I had been dazzled or pampered, I would gladly give out a sizeable amount of change for the staff’s effort.
This topic reminds me of a story I heard from someone who, in New York, had called a cab to take her mum & her to JFK from their Manhattan hotel. This taxi driver passively watched them, as they had carried their 3 heavy suitcases, on their own, into the trunk. At the airport, the mum was asking the daughter why she hadn’t tipped the driver anything extra for the services rendered. She said the fierce look she gave her mum was an appropriate,non-verbal response.
I really doubt it was as stern as mine when she relayed that tale.

The Devil Or The Deep Blue Sea

Guys, what I’m about to ask would be quite difficult to answer. Some would try, but would fail. Some would argue for and against. This question, to be honest, requires incredible analytical ability. In fact, an argument over the question can go on for weeks. No exaggeration.Weeks.So without any further ado, this is what I want to know:Who are more irritating:Commercial Bus Drivers or Okada Riders? Told you it would be tough. Reminds you of the dreadful subject known as Further Maths from your secondary school days,right?Well,to ease the task of knowing the correct answer,I’ll try and give a little synopsis of both of these Kolomental creatures. The Okada Rider: In Naija, anyone can assume this suicidal role. As long as you are old enough to pedal. Although they tend to come from a particular part of the country (I won’t mention where, in the spirit of political correctness) they seem destined to irritate the hell out of motorists. They love to take one-way, consistently ride recklessly, have no regard for traffic lights unless it’s a place with a lot of cops/Lastma officials & are partners-in-crime when it comes to aiding criminals who rob motorists in traffic. To describe them in a simple, one-word summary: STUPID.Or in two words: STUPIDLY STUPID. Make the mistake of hitting one of them(which is actually one of my personal fantasies) & you’ll be amazed by the speed it takes for over 50 other Okadas to hit the scene in solidarity with the mumu(whether it was their colleague’s fault or not)Sometimes, I think they are from another galaxy & we earthlings just don’t know it yet. Sincerely.

Now, to the second set of Aliens. Commercial Bus Drivers: Show me 3 commercial buses in Lagos with working trafficator lights and I promise you 5 of my fingers. Or 100k.Actually, I’ll give you both. That’s how confident I am about the absence of the aforementioned item on their vehicles. The way then abruptly swerve, to pick up or drop passengers, while in front of you would make you certain that you were a victim of Punked (Nigerian Edition).Like someone is trying to make you as pissed as terrorists are with President Bush. And why do they love one-way so much, even if the correct lane/route is free? The moment they see 5 seconds of traffic, they immediately veer out of lane to climb on the curvette or pedestrian path in continuation of their journey.Like everyone else on the road is not in a hurry,abi?Now,this is a serious question: Is there any evidence of a bus conductor ever falling off a bus while routinely hanging out of it?Miraculously,I haven’t heard of such a consequence.
Well, as for me, this is my own answer to the mind-buggling question: It’s a photo-finish. They are both so annoying, disobedient & dumb in seemingly equal measure that it’s almost impossible to separate the two. That, in itself, is scary.

Love Them To Death

They are tiny,cuddly,cute,mostly playful,innocent and naive.Their lives are also quite straight forward.They cry when hungry or hurt.They spontaneously smile when one makes funny faces at them.They wrap their fingers around your finger once you place yours between theirs(99% guaranteed).They could also be erratic:i.e they could let you down by crying just five minutes after having being so receptive to your company.They are a gift from the Almighty who change the way their parents view life drastically.Unless you need some major help,i'm sure you've easily figured out who i'm refering to already(especially with the pictorial hint).Babies:those incredible little ones that most of us adore.The wonderful beings who are ignorant of the goings-on around the world.Oblivious of all the hustling,economics,joy,pain,hardship,treachery,hypocrisy,global affairs etc that grown-ups experience.All they know are how to cry when hungry or soiled down below,laugh when one makes silly faces and get carried about 80% of the time.
For me,what's really interesting about babies is the way they grow up to become young boys and girls.They would physically develop to be ladies who would one day wear make-up and be toasted by other guys.Grow to be guys who would probably steal the family car in their teenage years,come back late on fridays & possibly cause their parents some worry in the future,one way or the other.Don't you just wish babies stayed the adorable way & size they are?Strangely enough,i know some(though few)people who aren't crazy about kids.How in the world not?Things almost always change when they have babies of their own,though.That's quite certain.For those who have them,i'm sure the feeling is indescribable.For those yet to,we would all be blessed with as many as we desire some day,by the Lord's Grace.
As for me,i've always loved them for as far back as i can remember.How much?Frankly speaking,'...to death'.