Thursday, January 24, 2008

Nollywood,Please Wake

$250 million a year. That’s the current value of the Nigerian movie industry, popularly referred to as Nollywood.Apparently, about 30 new movies are supplied to marketers each week. The industry is the 3rd largest in the world i.e. by volume of releases, led only by Hollywood & the Indian industry called Bollywood.The alleged story behind the origin of Nollywood is so basic that it’s actually quite funny. A Businessman from the eastern parts of Nigeria had thousands of videotapes to dispose of in the early 90s.So he, in conjunction with an aspiring director, decided to use a camcorder to shoot a film, making use of the empty tapes for mass duplication of the finished work. Did I hear you say ‘What???’.I relate with your surprise as to its genesis.
Anyway, are you a huge fan of Nigerian movies (sorry, Nigerian RECORDINGS)? I know many nigerians abroad watch them frequently(probably for the nostalgic feeling, since they are far from home) Househelps & hairdressers also make up a significant portion of the fanbase who consistently patronize the industry’s work. In terms of gender, women are the overwhelming sex regularly drawn to naija movies. I actually wonder why. I guess it’s because our dear ladies are anatomically drawn to stories of relationships, vengeance, deceit & treachery. Am I correct, sisters?
For me ,this is the primary reason I’ll stay glued to a naija film for 2 hrs:To laugh my head off at practically everything that unfolds before my very eyes(or if Genevieve's starring in it,of course).99% of Nollywood products never cease to amaze/amuse me. As an example to buttress a point, in the smash romantic drama Pretty Woman, Richard Gere’s character was meant to be a multi—millionaire. We believed because he looked & seemed like one while playing the role. The multi-millionaire in our own movies looks like an ‘Oga’ mechanic who had a good shower. The clothes & their mannerisms show anything but one with a lot of cash in his bank accounts. They’ll then be stupidly talking on the phone about taking their private jet to Abuja for an emergency meeting with the President and so on.Lol.Yeah, right.Which President? Of the Onitsha spare parts market union or what? How about the gangsters in naija movies? Are all nigerian mobsters big fans of colour riots? Green suits with red shirts & brown trousers combined.Aah!!Even Stevie Wonder go shout. The producers and directors can’t even get the simple things right. Must every scene of 2 people eating require them to use forks & knives to eat,or to drink orange juice? Also, you see a camera shot of the guy with half a glass of juice.Then the shot goes to the lady he’s with. When the shot returns to the gentleman 2 seconds after, his glass is full to the brim. When dem pour am? Who pour am? Spirit? As for the scripts, I honestly wonder if it’s primary school children that supply them with their screenplays. Someone shoots another person and the victim shouts out ’Aaaah.You shot Me’. No oh, he didn’t shoot you. He kissed you. For being such a mumu, maybe you deserved the gunshot in the first place. One more thing, guys: The Party Scenes e.g. an Owambe.Dear directors, the fact that the scene cost N100, 000 to shoot doesn’t mean that you show it for half the movie. No wonder many of our films have part 4s.After we have unnecessarily seen people drinking, dancing & spraying money for half an hour.Gosh.Abeg,Nollywood no kill me with laughter oh.
To be fair,a couple of good movies have been made i.e. with overall quality in practically all areas of production, but the vast majority of them are an absolute joke. I heard a Nollywood star recently say in an interview that she strongly believes that many nigerian actors here would soon be nominated for Oscars a la the british & australians. Wait a minute. The same acclaimed Academy Awards in America? Or do they now have Oscars in Enugu or something?
All I have to say about that hilarious comment is this:'She put jazz for mouth?’.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL!!!!!! Chakams... don't hate now....

But honestly it does piss me off when people say..."but at least they're trying". For how long can they keep "trying" for? I mean I watched one home vidoe and in the same scene, the set of twins had 2 different outfits and hairstyles. They came in wearing something and left wearing something else. Come on.... even the actresses should have had enough common sense to know that is just plain WRONG! Or maybe they forgot.... HA!

Anyway, I feel your pain. But I have a question. Must EVERY home video have a moral ending? It's just annoying!

Tyger said...

lmao! you are totally apt... i am sick and tired of them... i am not in Nigeria and not even nostalgia will make me watch them... except it is produced my Mainframe productions (OLEKU, Thunderbolt, Saworo ide et al) and most of those were produced by academicians...
Outside that the actual nollywood is an embarrassment to itself!

kshorty1 said...

They are actually getting worse. It's not difficult to make a standard movie.

The only beacon of hope is Tunde Kelani/Mainframe movies.

That's a real professional.

Joy Akut said...

holy crap, i hate em movies,i always get to predict where it ends,thus i dont bother watching. altho u've gats to give props to some of em'...i enjoyed keeping faith(i think thats the name)altho there was a scene with genevie standing outside and next min she goes inside the house and has diff hair do...the yoruba movies are good at crackn me up, the whole gestures and expressions goes a long way in adding spice and laughs and some natural charm to their movies.

Anonymous said...

I have movies made, start to finish in two weeks. Casting, filming, post production and distribution. Drama's are like rip roaring comedies, comedies are as annoying as scratching a black board with fingernails (give me a gun and i'll personally kill osofia, akin & popo).The action flicks are the worst, like a combo of the two.

Most actors i've seen have no concept of getting into character. Most scenes drag on with no direction. The sound engineering can make you run mad(The loud music playing and people talking at the same time). The repetitive soundtracks that reminiscent of the name of the movie, telling you the story over and over before the end of the movie. The Key board ballads. ARRRGHHHHHH!!!!!
Most actors have no versatilty, They just go; what's my name today? What am I supposed to be? ok rich oga...i get it..let's start shooting.
I've made it my hobby to find a nigerian movie that the actor forgets a co-actors name and they forgot to edit it out; Now that would be good cinema.

Did I mention that I don't like Nigerian movies? lol

Anonymous said...

lol! chakams abeg no kill me today. Now that was a good laugh. but do i detect a bit of snobbery in your saying mainly househelps and hairdressers are the main females that enjoy it? actually you'll be shocked at how many other "elite" females watch and enjoy those productions.
I have always thought those movies are a joke. A few of them i will admit are very good but they are few and far between. I have a bias for yoruba movies as i feel they are a whole lot more interesting and the acting, believable.

I remember reading somewhere where ( i think it was) chico ejiro that boasted he could complete a movie in 3 days flat! That about sums it up.

No research goes into the things, the grammar is scary and the obvious thriving force behind the industry is quantity as opposed to quality. Anybody can be and obviously is an actor never mind the most important factor - acting skills!

Anonymous said...

Nollywood movies are not better than they were 5, 10 or even 15 years ago. Still the same faulty story lines, cheesy dialogue, no set design, no props, poor photography, no artistic direction, poor soundtrack...need I go on.

I don't watch those things anymore. I've tried really. The last one I saw starred RMD as a Governor or something. Silly scene in the movie had the Governor renting a suite in an "exclusive" hotel. The place looked like a dump. Another scene used two different buildings as the Governor's office. Do they think we are stupid?!

I think Nigerian movie Directors and Producers should take a cue from music video directors. The quality of Nigerian music videos has really improved so why can't we do the same with movies?

Chakams said...

Lol.Guys,the entire Nollywood industry needs to attend Redeemed's Holy Ghost Festival for spiritual cleansing & mental enhancement..like i said in my piece,they are all COMEDIES to me..@Chinedu,i hear that a nollywood movie takes about 10 days on average to complete...from start to finish..@twayne,u are so correct about the moral ending bit..lol

Anonymous said...

@ Kemi: There's something in moviemaking called suspension of disbelief. This means that while you are watching a movie, you forget the fact that there's a set, camera, director etc. You simply immerse yourself into the movie. You believe the story, empathise with the characters etc. You don't think to yourself, "good camera work, nice set, good photography" or vice versa. All you do is enjoy the movie. When I do watch Nigerian movies, I'm so busy spotting mistakes that it's hard to suspend disbelief. Maybe that's wny Chakams said it's only uneducated people that really enjoy these movies.

What Nollywood needs is a few maverick producers and directors who will challenge the status quo and make one decent movie this year. The rest will sit up. Isn't that what happened with music videos?

Chakams said...

Well said,Kehinde...another key cause of the problem is this:The financiers of the movie projects..i heard that they are particular on the type of movies that are made...as per the plot,money to be committed in certain aspects of the production...also,they are sadly concerned about the quantity they sell..like u said,most fans of nollywood films are concerned about the plot...and absolutely nothing else...give them story on betrayal,vengence,armed robbers,rags-to-riches(& vice-versa)and their are satisfied...whether the actor stupidly wears 3 different shirts in one scene or not...

Anonymous said...

Charlo, how far? Well said about nollywood but guess you are not their target market. Funny enough, the more we criticize them, the more progress they make. Heard recently that you can now watch Naija movies on sky. That's great news for me 'cos i do not have to go looking for the latest ones in the market to send to my people over there.

Must confess that initially, I thought the whole thing was a joke. I actually saw the first film (Living in bondage) that kick started the industry. i remember thinking well... then. Personally, i never set out to watch them. The few i've seen are by happenstance. The storylines are so stupid sometimes and the acting beyond belief. Be that as it may, guess they must be doing something right 'cos they seem to be waxing stronger.

Remember when DSTV first mooted the idea of having a channel dedicated to nigerian movies. I initially laughed it off. "It'll never work". Why would anyone be watching Nigerian films on DSTV when there are other better programs? I must admit that I've since been proved wrong. The joke is now on me.

Guess that at the end of the day, their target audience (alaba market men/women, illiterate/semi literates, bus conductors, househelps, villagers, people who are not urbane, africans and nigerians in diaspora) seem to think that they are doing a fantastic job. All i can say is good luck to them. Nollywood should thank its lucky stars that the world is not populated by my ilk 'cos their industry for don die tay tay...

Anonymous said...

6:22pm Jan 24th
Reply yes oh.. nollywood is now on sky 331 ..free for now, but from next month, it'll be £5.99 a mnth.. infact thats what im watching right now..been watching one movie after the other. stupid storyline though..in this particular one, a guy gets someone to rape his wife to impregnate her cos he has a low sperm count .. and then he stood outside the door CRYING !!??? WTF ??? hilarious, but i'm glued all the same.. UP NIGERIA ; )

Chakams said...

@matilda,u c wat we are talkin about...y did he have to get someone 2 rape his wife?..what happened to sperm donors or somethin else less cruel on beloved wife?...now,naija movies being on sky is a gr8 thin who those in england who love dem...on d flip side,isnt dat further exposure (to foreigners) of the incredible levels of mediocrity in our film industry?..also gives a wrong perception of our society in general...lol

Anonymous said...

Well, this is not to defend nollywood, but i do know that there are lots of crappy american films out there as well. ditto for british, indian and chinese films. The problem with nollywood is that you have more of crappy films than good ones.

Chakams said...

Way,way more....Lol

Anonymous said...

don't agree that illiterates like to watch mediocre movies. These so called illiterates watch Hollywood, Bollywood and Hong Kong blockbusters. How many of them have never heard of Jackie Chan, Bruce Li, Jet Li, Amtabh Bachan, Dhamendra etc. The movies these people acted in the past were watched and loved by all, literate and illiterate. Yet they were well produced and directed. It's amazing that in 2008 we can't make a movie of the same quality as Enter the Dragon which is 35 years old or Gone with the Wind (made in 1939). Nigerian movies can't even compare in quality to foreign movies of the 40s and 50s. This means that we have like 50 years of catching up to do.

But hang on. Are we missing something? The movies of Baba Sala, Herbert Ogunde and Ade Love were shot on celluloid so Nigerians know how to make good quality movies. These movies were blockbusters back then and everybody saw them. They cost more to shoot and made more money.

I posit that if we were to return to those good old days, everybody will be better off for it. Good quality Nigerian movies can get screened at Sundance and Cannes.

Anonymous said...

let me steal a quote from femi's earlier message... "Not to defend Nollywood" but in their defense, they must be doing something right to have grown so fast and in short time, and if chakams is right, that means that the industry is bigger than the film industry in china, mexico? even the UK? wow, that impresses me... and if the target audience of housegirls and pimps is what’s making it big? Then don't hold your breath for change any time soon. It’s kinda like the hip hop industry, where the target audience seem to be inner city youths, but over 80% of the consumers are white suburban kids... If it ain't broke, trust that the Dons on Iweka road won't change it anytime soon.

Aramide said...

hello

great article - really hits home

Also did a shout out to it on my blog

Have a good weekend xx

Chakams said...

@mona,thanks...appreciated

Anonymous said...

Good 1 Charles. Iv always said these movie makers shuld get a diverse audience to watch the movies and make recomendations before they release them. Anywayz, i agree wiv u fully. I just saw 1 exception to 9ja movies though, Sound of poverty. Its a must watch. Im sure ul be impressed at its uniqueness

Anonymous said...

Well guys, I agree to some extent and disagree in the way that, there is a new crop of enlightened producers, experienced industry hands and talent who are in the process of creating a paradigm shift in the industry so in no time you will watch a movie and be proud to be Nigerian from start to finish because it has quality content and was done with world class standards but the only difference is...it is 100% Nigerian.

Cheers

Eunice said...

ds's a very good 1...wen I was in school in d Uk...once any non 9ja Afican finds out i'm 9ja, d 1st thing dy ask is if i brought any films or i can get it 4 dm... dy r shocked wen my reply is dt i cant stand dm... My hairdresser actually asked me if i eat jollof rice n if i can cook it... yes, yes goes my answer...only 2 find out she's neva had it, sees it in d home vids she buys! n if i can make some 4 her (she's 4rm Barbados!)

Ve anoda friend 4rm Kenya dt's crazy about all d juju ones (can't stand d soppy love stories). She made me 2 start watching... d only pleasure i derive 4rm it is d ridiculousness of it all...4rm script 2 costumes n evrything in btw. and dr's no middle class dr, u r either dirt poor or filthy rich... my hubby says some of d actors r just given a general idea of d story n dy all start improvising becos i keep shouting hw someone can actually put dt in d script!

Having said dt... we still bera pass Ghanians wey get only 2 actors n some of our actresses r now trying wiv dr makeup.. a la Genevieve. lol